Apparantly...I am experiencing micro tears on both thighs-.-

Since the start of this semester, I have become harsher and last forgiving towards others.
I don't exactly know what caused the change in me, but I don't think it was a good change.
I just don't know what should I do.

At the same time, I forgone and missed out so much things in life while fulfilling my commitments and passions.
For now, I don't have the confidence to say that all these is worth it.
I hope it will be.

At the end of the day, we are all alone.

My godddddddddddddd.
Today's training was hell, but loads of fun, hahaha.

I have never regretted joining the choir when I was in primary school.
Very often, I would take out my past scores and look at it.
Sometimes I hate myself for not choosing to stick with choir and taking up all other crap which makes me so frustrated with it.
Listening to classicals excessively is making me irritated with it.

Have been very passive and pessimistic.
That's not how I am supposed to be.
I was once happy and optimistic and determined.
I have to be back up again because I can't afford to be like that.
I am not going to waste myself like that.
I have to buck up.
Go zengmei, get your life back!

Felt as if I was screwing my own life up gradually.

I like my teacher's sense of humour.
Where's your best friend? *points*
Not this, another one. *points*
Not this either, that particular one. *oh, we're no longer friends*
Die. Been too much of a dare devil and been liking confrontation too much. Die.
Where's my cool.

And so my weekends was spent resting and enjoying myself with simple random things that you would never expect yourself to be doing.

Pauline came out of my computer screen for a night.
Not seeing her in a virtual world seems quite a little inrealistic.
But because she was here for such a short period of time, it seems as if it was really a fantasy.

This time round, her departure was a happy one for we all know that we're only 27days away from seeing her back again; as compared to the previous one which was 3-4months away.

Time will fly really really soon that she will be back in just a wink of an eye.
I await for that day for I believe that I will be pretty much back on track because what I may need is time.

sectionals today was I don't know what to say, lol.
It wasn't exactly interesting until later part of the day where mr chua played the cello with me, lolllllll.
Play with me leh! HAHAHAHA

I sucked badly though hahahaha.
I mean, we were playing the 2part practice song that he gave me as hw for lessons because i just can't seem to play triplets well. hahaha
I can't count properly after playing triplets, lol i sucked so badly that the other part was sooooo easy for sight reading and yes I could play that normally because though I suck in cello, I don't suck that much. But I couldn't play it! Lolllll.

And I was feeling so apologetic the whole time for not being able to play well and sight read fast enough that my confidence kept dodging and I played super softly especially for the parts where I was hoping to smoke through.

Interesting and exciting but arghhhhhhhh pressurising! LOL But I like it! LOL

I said to pauline that I'm feeling so hyped from the playing just now and as if mr chua was my drug, LOLL.
And I said to her that after today, I think if I have to choose a partner, I will choose one who can play the cello with me, lollllllllll.
And she said that she can be my life partner! HAHAHAHAH

I have 3 cellos at home now, ahpaul's, botak yuren's and mine! So exciting! CAN PLAY 3PARTS CANON! Can't wait for saturday!
And my house seem to be a warehouse for temporary abandoned cellos, lolllllllll.