Waiting for the day where..
I will be sitting down reading a book with a cup of tea anytime I want to;
I can play the cello anytime when I want to without having to stress how much time I have left before I need to do other stuffs;
I can go and meet anyone I like for lunch or tea or dinner (I can travel anywhere to look for them since I will be free);
I can go and swim or run or play any games I want to;
I can watch any amount or dramas I want to;
I can bake anything I want to; and
etc...

It's been too long since I had some time for myself and for me to really give my full attention to people who matters to me.

时间如流水，岁月不留人

只希望，在这几个星期内，能尽量完成想完成的事，以免留下遗憾。

Life's good for now!
Ok, it's only now..... things will change in a few hours time when I get back to doing my work-.-
I feel so happy to just sit on the sofa and strum my cello away (i know it's not a guitar, listening to it just makes me happy lol.)
I need some time alone to get to know my new beloved better.
Come to think of it, my life has been very fast paced since this AY started!
Haven't had a good break.

Exams timetable are out.
I will be having my last paper in TP on 1st March 2012!
This is soooooo awesome.
All these while, I have been seeing stuffs about graduation day for 3 batches, and now, it's finally my turn!!
I'm pretty excited for it!
It's like finallyyyyyy you know! Hahaha.
Its not that I dislike my course or what, but I believe it just feels awesome to graduate.
Like you're accomplishing something to move on to another part of your life. (though the future is actually pretty daunting!)
My friends have already started counting down.
40 days till we are unoffical graduates of TP! hahah! =D

This is crazy, I'm crazy.

I use to call my cello "it" and now I'm starting to refer to my cello as "him".

So I've bought a new cello today, well, cause my teacher kinda want/advise me to change it to improve further.

And I thought, if I'm continuing cello further, maybe it's time to invest in another cello.

I don't know how far I will go in it because..to be honest, I don't think I'm talented in it lah, LOL, if I am I would have long been somewhere else (I don't know where though lol), and not stucked with this kinda skill. But I'm just going to go and see how far I can go with it.

I'm actually thinking what should I name my 2nd cello. I'm too confused over who is the current cello now, so I will refer them to 1st and 2nd. My 1st cello isn't my old cello yet cause I have yet to start using my 2nd cello officially. And I think that my 1st cello is actually angry with me for getting the 2nd cello.

It's like saying to me "you already have me, why are you getting a new one? since you have your new cello, don't touch me, go to your new one, we will never be the same again.."

This is really eccentric of me. I have never thought that I would ever say this, cause when I see people talking to their pet, I'm like, "crazy, it's just a pet, how do you know what it thinks"

And now, I'm worst, I'm thinking of what a DEAD object feels. 

But I really feel something for it LOL.

I feel sad now cause my excitement for having a new cello can't beat the sadness of parting with my 1st cello lol. But at the same time, my 1st cello is like angry with me, and my 2nd cello isn't exactly mine yet cause I am not used to it. So technically, it feels like I don't have any cello belonging to me now when I have both of it at home now. The irony.

I should go and sleep now to first nurse myself back to health.

First SY practice for the year and the first time in my life. lol
Probably the only year I will be in there as well, haha, kinda sad ah? Others like normally continue a few years one los. lol, but nevermind it's for the experience.
Who would have expected that I will be in SY one day, lol, I mean even I do not see myself in SY.

So basically, I was feeling "why am I doing this to myself, having to carry cello to school every monday and occasionally on thursday from now on.".
Trip down to Tanjung Pagar now has a different meaning. I now no longer go there for SIP but for practice and it was kinda weird.

Having to sit at the front row was like T.T because lihyee told me that if I went early, I can book the back seats, but apparently, I still got the front seat somehow-.-
I can say it was both a bad and good thing.
Bad cause..it's just bad lah, lol, like I'm just some noob there, and I'm sitting right in front, waiting to kena aim only ah. Lol.
Good cause, it was a different experience. Like being thrown to the front to try and cope even if I can't.
Thank god Mr Quek went easy on everyone today I guess? I mean, probably cause it's like the first practice for the year, so he is giving everyone the benefit of doubt on their mistakes.

Yingying is awesome. Lol. I'll still say that I'll fall for her if I'm a guy lol.
From hearing nothing about her except that she plays the cello well, to watching a random CO concert with her, to speaking with her a little just before my audition, to actually hearing her play the cello and playing alongside her, I have yet to find anything bad about her lol.
She's damnnnnnnnn nice to offer to sit in the front to spare the rest from being aim-ed at by the conductor even though she came early enough to chop a backseat.
And playing with her gives me the "Don't worry, I am here to shield you, just follow me and give it a go." I guess that is why I managed to thicken up my skin to sit in the front even when I am probably like the lousiest and second oldest cellist there. LOL. OMG cui, oldest with cui-est skills. What nonsense. lol

During the orientation(ok, i probably only attended the welcome talk? LOL, but it doesn't matter), they mentioned that the students in SY are one bunch of lucky students, and I actually feel that I kinda agree with what they said. I mean, ok they worked hard to prepare for the audition and stuff, but again, it's like they were lucky enough to be offered a place in SY with all the facilities that others don't. I mean, who gets to use SCH for practices everytime that the stage doesn't feel any foreign to them at all apart from the professionals? And then, with the subsidised music lessons paid by the government for their learning. It's like, our country doesn't even promote much of the Arts, and yet they are setting aside some funds to pay for the student's private lesson. Thats kinda fortunate isn't it?

And then seeing how music changes a person, from being a small boy to actually one who actually ponders about the problem, thats amazing. And then the restraints that one faces from their family, environment, etc.. from pursuing further their interest, it's kinda saddening. And the graciousness and nobleness to help others achieve what others want when they themselves can't and yet getting satisfaction from it.

This has been interesting. Let's see how I slowly learn to survive in there.

Something must have gone wrong in me somewhere.
For I am actually excited over being occupied with so much CO stuffs.
And I guess it is probably due to the fact that the faster we have our concert, the faster end of march arrives, and that means that I will have fulfil my duties in tpco and be handing over to the next main comm!
This is definitely something worthy to make me so excited about!
Since I will be so occupied, I guess time will fly pass real fast!
Good luck to me on surviving this last lap in tp!
I bet I will definitely say I had of co sometime soon when the adrenaline rush from graduating finishes LOL.

bet this is like one of my worst audition ever! HAHAH
i committed suicide by increasing my tempo when i can't even play it well at my practice tempo!
dumb or what! haha.
nonetheless, it has been an interesting experience, the fact how i could get so stress over the fact that i didnt want to disappoint my teacher to the extent that what was normally playable by me became unplayable to me.
i don't know if there is such a word, but i dont careeeee haha.
and my attempt to avoid my teacher's question before i see her for the next lesson failed cause she called me even before i intended to call her! LOL
jasmine, see you on wed! *if you get the hint!*

i swear that my projects were sucking the hell out of me lol.
i got so cranky yesturday that i don't even know what was i depressed abt.
not that i don't, but that it doesn't seem like a worthy cause to be depressed over. lol.

i think i will take a break on sat/sun before i will be re-energise and gearing myself up again for the humongous load of projects awaiting to kill me.
i will survive it! i have to, and i want to! haha
wish me luck!

i'm so happy to be able to go to bed tonight after not sleeping properly. awesomeeeeeeeee. haha

厌倦，疲倦。什么倦都是。
请告诉我，我该怎么做。

Happy 2012!
To be honest, I can't wait for March to come!
Till then, hang in there everyone!!!!!!!!!
<333333333333333333333

I've enjoyed myself this christmas.

I think that my friends have put in alot more effort than me, and =X sorry!

But nonetheless, thanks for everything.

If everything really goes the way I am planning for it to be (which I hope that nothing would go wrong because..I don't know what to do if my plan fails..), I will probably not be here for Christmas next year..

so who is the one getting the divorce-.-

I've grown to be very attached to everyone at Mallal & Namazie.
I felt sad that SIP had to end, in fact, I was very sad and am still a little sad.
That's pathetic. Haha.

But that also goes to show how much I have grown to like them, and how much I have learnt from them and how much some of them mean to me.
I will never forget Mr Tan, for the warmth, kindness and fatherly love he gave me.
Interestingly, Mr Wong too, for caring in a manner where he chooses to put up a nonchalant front, but yet still asking if anyone is bullying me.
Javad, for being cool enough to crap with me and not take the insults we throw at one another against me; ironically, he's the boss's son. lol.
Nazmi for being there to help and guide me for I think I will not be able to have complete any work if he didn't show me the ropes to it.
And all the others who made my memories there so awesome.

There might be times that I am complaining about my SIP, but I recall it to be minimal.
I was still looking forward to every Monday when it was Friday for the first 3-4 weeks.
The last week simply went by too quickly.
From Monday-Wednesday, I was kept busy with work for I was given a new case to work on and at the same time, one of my colleague's relative passed on, so I had to cover his job.
While on Thursday and Friday, I don't know how and I don't know why, time just flew by very quickly.
Probably 4-5 times faster than normal.

On Friday, I remembered that I was giving out my gifts to them, and then doing a little work, and when I returned to my seat, it was already 12.30pm!
Which was soon to be lunch time cause they had a farewell lunch for me.
The whole office closed just to have lunch with me! I mean, like how often do the boss do that for just a small intern?
After lunch, the next thing I knew was, one colleague told me "1 more hour to go!"
I felt, sooooooooooo sad. Seriously sad, sad enough for it to trigger my water tap. Lol.

And then Mr Tan said to me, "Don't go off first k, I'm going to meet a client now, wait for me to come back."
So Mr Tan, Ms Loh and I had my last meal with them for my internship.
I had my first meal with them at Raffles Hotel, and I had my last meal with them at Raffles Hotel as well.
For the fact that Mr Tan wasn't able to go for my farewell lunch and had dinner with me as my farewell dinner, I was touched.
I mean, who am I to them?
I am just like some random intern who comes and go, so why do they even have to bother about me?
Like they have their family and much important stuffs in their lives.
And that is why I say, I am very touched over that.

I will never forget that I once said to Mr Tan "why don't you want to go home and eat with your family instead of eating with us now at marutama (he likes the ramen at marutama best btw, next is the one at iluma)"
He explained, and the next day he told Nazmi, "You know what happen yesturday? She questioned me of my actions yesturday you know! She's the big one now!"

Even when I was walking from City Hall to Clarke Quay today, when I walked past The Adelphi, Funan, Supreme Court, Recipes...
Every thing reminds me of my SIP times.
The journey from our office to Court in Mr Tan's car, the lunch we had, the conversations we had, the jokes we made..
Everything is just filled with so much memories in these short 3 months.
I may be just an intern to them, but they are definitely not just colleagues to me.

Take care my friends! I'll miss everyone of you..
I think that I am mentally prepared for school, but not emotionally prepared for school =/

Today is definitely a day to remember!
Because the judge spoke to me =O
It is forbidden for us to speak in court and yet the judge asked me, a nobody for my comments!
This is totally omggggggggggggggg. For we don't even have the right to greet the judge when we enter!
And he address me properly you know! Like 'So.. Miss Heng, what do you think about this?"
I was in shock! Total shock!
Omggggggggggg. hahaha

The battle has yet to begin, but I don't know if I can last.
Please let me find the strength somewhere.

I bought a new cello bow on Saturday!

It's awesomeeeeeeee. 

Hahah, ok I haven't tried like other better bows available so far, but my new bow amazes me. 

It feels about the same weight as my previous bow actually, but this bow is slightly longer!

Anyway, I don't think my previous bow is that lousy actually, just that, since I need a new one, my previous bow will now be my standby bow.

I feel that choosing a bow is almost similar to choosing a wand!

Sounds nonsensical, but yes, you will know it is yours when it feels right lol. But at the same time there's so many other bows I never tried before right! But that's notttttt the point. Lol.

Because of unexpected events, I had no choice but to cancel my cello lesson today.

So saddddddddddddddddd, like serious lol. But what to do...

I'm looking forward to this coming sunday!

All I want for Christmas : peace.

Not so easy.

Years ago, when I first started learning the cello, Nathan Chan caught my attention and I loved his Swan.
6 years down the road, after chancing upon his videos again, I'm once again mesmerized by him.

This weekend will be a very meaningful one for me I guess!
I will be working towards improving myself and identifying my directions for my future
As usual, I'm always thinking and thinking and thinking, and I have finally decided to block out most external factors and strive for myself.
So.... wish me luck! haha