the passion is no longer the same.

just like the rainy weather,
i guess thats what i feeling now.

the day..didnt seem good for me.
i dont know whats wrong with me.

im sick of how screwed ive screwed myself into.

i cant think of anything to make me smile from the bottom of my heart.

im liking sentimentals even more then ever now.

tomorrow might not be a better day.

i think ive really lost my cool.
i could no longer be able to be as strong as the past.

i hate myself just like those who hate me too.

im that depressed that not even my cello could cure me out of it.

i feel like fighting now.
but there isnt any tkd training for today.
and it doesnt necessarily meant that they would have sparring today.

whats the hell wrong with me?

tag reply to all : haha.

today was like one of the earliest day that i have ever wake up for school. lols
shouldnt elaborate about it.
because i still screwed up my amaths test -.-
but nevermind, i deserve it for not studying properly.
only studied for it this morning.
its very cold early in the morning.
and one thing i hate about it is that i would go round my house with my jacket on just to keep me warm.

im feeling er... moody.
yah, thats the word to describe what i feel.

oh, and btw mdm ashikin said that she read some people's blog.
but still, that isnt gonna change anything about what i blog about.
because, even before she mentioned about it..
i already heard it from someone that she might read our blog.
so its nothing surprising to me actually.
im not like going to close this blog or what because..
this blog started all the way back when i was sec2.
when caiyan was the enthusiatic blogger who was always bugging me to update my blog..
to me updating it on my own will..
and it contained memories too, be it good or bad; which is one of my favourites if you did bother to read those rubbish things at the left hand side.

sheltered aiysah to the bus stop and i got wet instead..
because when the wind blew, she just pulled the umbrella towards her and i got wet.
and to like prevent raindrops from falling on her, i had to hold the umbrella all the way down that it was pressing against my hair while i walked.
so uncomfortable-.-

went safra to bowl after changing into a new and dry set of clothes.
guess what...
my bowling skills sucked like hell-.-
it had slacken so much just because i havent played it for a long time.
its been at least a year since i last played.
i cant remember if i played during sec2 times.
bt sec3, definitely not.
my scores now are only like 80++ -.-.-
sometimes even 60.
wth wth wth.
seriously wth.
i use to get like so much higher-.-
and i cant find a 10pound ball.
so i had to make do with a 12pound ball -.-
and i guess thats probably why i couldnt control the direction of the ball.

explored safra after that.
stayed in the reading room and looked at the singapore's book of record 2007.
i dont see our school in there =/

came home later and played the cello.
well, i havent really been practicing it every day yet =/

i guess things has changed.
i dont know what to say.
things come knocking to you even when you chose to stay away from it.
and i dont know what to do.
nevermind, lets change a topic.

from the bottom of my heart, my lovely juniors. ok?

i need some happy pills.
not in the context of esctasy; sadly, also known as happy pills right?

caught The Leap Years after school with my BELOVED juniors.
yuyun kept insisting shes one of them, so here you go. lols

i think, watching it a second time gave me a total different feeling about it.
as in, this time round, i felt sorry for the casts instead rather then like the uncontrollable water taps that time. haha
maybe because i was feeling stone hearted today. lols
but still, i still think wong li lin is very pretty. lols
as in, compare her with some of the new stars coming up now, and i think she look way much nicer then some of them.
and i still like the quotes that they used in the show. =)

had to rushed home later because i just saw a message saying that i will be having my physics tuition tonight because i cancelled it yesturday.
didnt had the mood for it yesturday either.
so yeah, it was really straight home after the shows. lols
so im ending here for now.
tuition's starting soon.

and again, people just loves coming to me to show me attitude.
i guess i just attracts attituders-.-

had bio spa.
just like what me and caiyan had said about it, i dont regret leaving my answer as that way.
for, its just how one inteprets the question.
though someone else might say u dont answer questions with just some random and weird 'words'
but still, it doesnt mean that a certain thing cant be written that way.
since you're the play safe fellow all along, dont bother arguing with me.
because we will always have a different viewpoint.

i have been walking home for 3 schooling days continuously!
how cool is that! lols.
okay, maybe not.
i didnt walk home on friday.
but the reason was, i didnt had the time to. haha
but still, i get a different feeling everytime i walks home.

went out to study/do homework with chuiying in the night.
lols, i cancelled my physics tuition that i had tonight because i had no mood for it.
so i dont wanna like waste one lesson away because its not cheat.
to others, it might be nothing.
but im not some kinda rich fellow who comes from a rich family.
so money do matters.

i got crazy and fed up with the drawing of the physics practical graph.
i practically went crazy and felt very irritated.
it was just simply getting on my nerves.
so i went out and decided to buy a green pen for my spoilt.
but..it was already 9 plus and all the shops were closed-.-
so i went into seven eleven for dont know what reason..
and i suddenly wanted to buy The Newpaper or some magazines to read.
nothing caught my eyes, so i decided to go to the magazine booth outside, near the bus stop.
but who knows...
the shop closed-.-
just before i went into seven eleven, it was open.
now that im out of it, its closed-.-

went home around 10pm nearing 11pm.
listen up people!
its not a good thing to return home late okay!
lols, but i wasnt wasting my time away, i was using it usefully.
lols. and the weather was far too cooling that it became cold instead.

physics never fails to turn me crazy.

im sorry for the bad attitude that i showed any this morning.
i was that pissed that i couldnt even smiled when i look into the mirror this morning.
had to like punch myself before my face muscles loosen.
crazy shit right.
yah i know that.

okay, im going to bed now. cya people
happy first month grandma.

its a sunday and what i can say is that i have been feeling rather low for the past few days.
not feeling low the whole day, but at certain period of times, i dropped into the emo-mode.
that also explains why i've been walking home.

lets talk about saturday.
its been both a fun and yet emo day for me. haha.

because of friday night..
i still wasnt feeling back to my normal self.
so i thought maybe a walk in the morning would be better for me.
so being the usual lazy self, i didnt want to wake up early and so the only way to do so, is to take a bus to school instead of getting a lift from chuiying's mum.
but it didnt help much. =/
too short i guessed.

practice was as usual.
fusheng came back; though he also came back on friday.
though there was some times when i dont like him probing into matters which sometimes makes it worst for me..
i really missed the times we had together with huiling.yinglan,stacia and other seniors.
i guess that is what growing up meant.
to gain and to lose.
and thats what i hate about growing up.
lets say im greedy then, because i dont mind gaining, but i dont want to lose.
i dont like the feeling of losing something. who does?-.-

and i really like sitting at the back.
because that makes me reminisce about the past.
okay, i believe ive mentioned this before a few times.
but so what.
this is my blog.
so i shall just say what i want and repeat things how many times i want.
and also to note down how many times i kept missing the past.

and, i guess people this days have been showing me attitudes and stuffs.
i tell you, im sick of it.
seriously.
i dont mind playing those games like being dao-ed or what for fun, but not in a serious note.

like my sis, she just gave me those f* attitudes just because i asked her back the question she ask me.
i seriously dont like the concept that just because shes the older one, she has the authourity to probe into my life and me being the younger one cant probe about hers.
not say i wanna know every single thing, but just some questions to make a particular plan or what goes well, why cant i know what you're doing before that and then i plan?
why must it always be that im the one reporting and you would adjust everything to suit in your way?
and when i arent willing to do things the way you say so, you claim that im troublesome.
sometimes with those freaking attitudes, im really f* up with you.

though i may know the reason why your mood suddenly turn-ed for a 180degree mode..
still, try to take it easy.
and just let me know like you're okay or what and not just give me those stares right..

im sick of ! being so prejudice against @.
seriously, i really dont care what u dislike about @.
its not like, knowing that ! dont like @, i place them together on purpose.
im just arranging things to be at where i think its suited at.
who cares about what grudge you have.
if you have your principles, you should know that some things ought to be 公私分明.
and dont撒娇to me because..sorry, that doesnt work on me.

im not specifically pointing fingers at whoever.
all those werent referring to the same person either.
im just typing out what i think and what should change.

after hearing what # said..
i somehow thought that i saw myself in him/her.
the situation are somewhat the same though theres some differences.
i guess that was what made me _ suddenly..
i seriously felt lost and as if i screwed myself up.
i had to stop because im not going to like embarrassed myself with puffed eyes or what.

caught The Leap Years.
i think its nice. seriously.
at least it appeals to me if it doesnt for others.
and feeling so suffocated of the happenings recently..
i simply cried because i felt like doing so.
it only started when a paricular part touched me at the beginning and i guess that started my water taps.
while watching the shows, many other things also kept coming into my mind and that kept my water tap going.
according to what chuiying said, i cried throughout the entire movie.

if only something like what happened in the show could happened weeks back (like jeremy waking from his coma and being well again..)
how nice would that be.
and tomorrow would be the 1st month since shes gone..

shared packed food with chuiying for dinner at sunplaza park later in the night.
played the swing which i last played since k2 if i arent wrong..(the playground near my house had its removed a long time back)
fell from it when i wanted to stop and pushed chuiying..
i forgot that we should stop gradually and not just stopping by placing your feet onto the ground immediatly.(moreover it was sand instead of concrete ground)
how CLEVER can i get. -.-

okay, so that was roughly what my day was a little.
full of ups and down. haha

my cello bridge is not properly in place on the cello.
damn damn damn.
i guess i gonna bring it to school on friday and see if tianlaoshi can help me with it.
and my fingers really hurt.
i guess the bridge needs to be change =/

oh, and i bought the lemon drink from the vending machine too.
i finally gotten it.
and that made me very happy.
haha, i like the uniqueness/cuteness of the stupid but yet adorable bottle. lols
i guess im really weird.

some random pictures that i found at my grandma's place.

i think that me and my cousin were really good pals who does all fun rubbish together when we were young =D

i guess its just really me to be crazy and wanting to have fun all the time.

and arent i handsome since young? LOLS. =D
bye. XD

hi.
at first, i was very excited to blog about something that happen today.
but now..after thinking so much..
i dont know if i actually did the right thing. ='(

lets share the happy news first.

I'm going to take a Cello exam.
I've already registered myself up for it today..when i only got to know about it today; and that it was the last day for registration today.
after so long..im finally realising one of my dreams which is to go ahead and give it a go for cello(this dream only surfaced after i felt attached to cello after these few years of learning..)
I'm really very happy that tianlaoshi said that i'm able to make it for the exam.
but yet, it might be because of anxiety or others that i might not even do well for it or what on the examination day itself.

and now..yet i dont feel really that happy.
after tuition..i missed my bus while waiting for it at the bus stop.
so i simply just walked down two stops before stopping to board a bus home.
and during the walk..
i thought about things.

actually..i was only thinking about focusing on cello only after O's.
i even told tianlaoshi that i would only be taking it next year.
but during practice, she asked if i wanna take it this year because she think that im still able to make it though preparing only now while like others started preparing long time ago..

so i called my mum and asked her about it.
i was waiting for her to give me a firm no and to wait for next year instead.
but she said 'really?!? okay, go for it then.'
and then..because tian only told me today about this cello exam thing and that today is the last day for registration, she lent me money to pay for the exam first.
and i had to rushed down to VCH by 5pm(according to her and fusheng) when it was already like 3.30pm.

and so i went and applied and blah blah blah with liying and huiyi.
i did felt excited and stuffs.

and it was like, within just 24hours..so much things happened.
and..will i be able to get a A(pass with distinction for it)?
im feeling sad that something that is of so much meaning to me is making me think so much about it and making me think if i did the wrong thing.
like, i havent started private lessons with tian.
so..after the sec4 ceases cca..how am i going to get practice?
and..i have to get use to my own cello because yah, the school one will be for the juniors.
i believe i will miss it.
the pretty strings. lols
and using my own cello, if i go down for practies on friday, i would have to bring it to sch and the teachers might be like 'cca has already ceases for your and like why are u not concentrating but still playing?'

and the exam will be in august(most probably)
so its like nearing O's too.
okay, other people have such exams too.
but its the first for me.
i dont know if i will regret my choice for doing so.
but for now..its making me feel sad.
unlike this afternoon when i knew that i would be able to go for it.
did i really do a stupid thing in a moment of folly?

maybe i really need confidence?
or support?
i dont know. i just feel very sad now.
and i want my grandma.
she would be damn happy to know that im giving it a go for cello.
but she wont get to hear me playing it for her.
sorry, im going.
i cant take it anymore

hi.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NURUL.
its been since quite a while since i greeted someone happy birthday on the blog on the day itself.

its yet coming to another end of a week.
jetaime just reminded me that its only 7months to O levels..
thats one of the first thing my new partner told me.
lols, what a thing to say.
chuiying! jetaime's my partner eh..
jealous anot. lols! XP

well, my thumb has a blister on it now...
due to the large amount of hot wax that dropped on my thumb.
i hope i wont need to use it to pluck/strum the cello using it anytime soon.

and so..we failed to lit up all the candles for nurul..
with some alphabets unlit.
and the lighter spoilt-.-
but at least she blew those lighted off. lols

well..okay, mdmashikin changed our seats.
but once again..i remained unchanged. lols!
last year when our seats were rearranged in the lab, mine remained..but my surroundings changed-.-
and this year..again. lols
and caiyan is once again seated behind me
just like how she was beside shawn.
and jetaime is once again beside me, just like how shes fated to be my partner for being register 8 last year. lols
and im once again stucked with the pathetic window which cant be close all at once by the handle at the side-.-

walked home after school again.
i guess i really like the feeling of walking home when im feeling...
er..i dont know how to express it either.
just feel like walking home and so i will walk home..
but i think that the distance seemed to be getting shorter or what..
though i didnt timed the distance home.
but just like yesturday..i seemed to reach the bus stop before mine like very fast?
not long enough for me to emo. lols!

my damn shoe gave me a blister on my toe-.-
i guess i need to change a pair of socks.

cant watch The Leap Years on Friday itself..
Boo...because theres CCA after school..
and after CCA, ive this tuition from 7.30pm-9pm(which isnt of much help, but i guess thats what people meant by '一分钱，一分货' since its only like $12 per term or sem i think.)
and i checked the gv website and the next available showtime is at 11.55pm.
just before midnight. lols

okay, i shall end here.
bye

hi.
im not done with studying and here i am blogging-.-

wasted my day yesturday.
today..was abit better i guess?

went studying with shirlin at downtown east bk.
she was released at 2pm..
so she got to go home and get a bath before coming =(
i cant have my bath too.
thats unfair =/
make me jealous only-.-

met dion&others there.
okay not met. met sounds as if they came first.
we came first, not them.
lols, thats childish-.-
and talking about childish..
i think i had really severe pms yesturday or what.
lols. im not gonna talk about it.
its stupid-.-

studied till almost 7pm when both of us lost concentration and started talking. lols
took 21 home.
but the journey today seemed fast.
guess it was because i was studying. lols
and till now..i still love long bus rides. lols
its a really nice time for emo-ing and admiring the scenaries at the same time though theres nothing nice to see.

i want to watch The Leap Years.
okay, common test isnt over yet im here thinking about movies that i wanna watch-.-
bye, im going.
wish me luck

feeling sad and low..

i dont know if i were to say today as a happy day. lols
reason : because i woke up at almost 11am.
i know that reason is stupid.
but it replenishes all the sleep i needed so far.

chose not to go out and study because i felt homely today. lols
and i guess that was a wrong move.
because, it was too comfortable that i didnt had the mood to study and i was even bored of studying at frequent but non-consistent intervals.
that 'frequent but non-consistent intervals' just looks funny to me.
lols, like some kinda science experiment result.
and nobody was home today either..
so wasnt i supposed to be like having no disturbance from anyone?
but i was feeling bored instead.
because i had no one to talk to -.-

im blogging because im bored.
sent smses to people thinking if i could find someone to chat with.
but some were no replies, some were studying and blah blah blah.
so i just stoned at my chem textbook. lols
im a stoner..yeah!!
whose a rocker??
wahlao..thats like being such a crazy idiot?
rah....i want cello practices NOW and i mean NOW.
lols, but theres no school today-.-

i believe im just crapping shit here.
so i gonna stop.
someone be a kind soul and just chat with me?

hi.
im lazy to recall what happened the last few days.
so i dont know what will i blog about today either.
all i know is that i wanna say..kungfu dunk isnt nice. =/
really. it was some sort of a disappointment though i wasnt expecting much of it.

common test is starting next week for us when the whole school has already taken theirs.
how great =/

ive been changing songs...
cant really find one that will make me wanna use it for long..
so lets hope that the new one will last =)
bye

i was feeling very happy and hyper in the morning.
reason : i brought HOT milo to school.
LOLS-.-
i agree this is a VERY lame reason.
but i really felt very happy because of that-.-
jetaime says its because i have deprived childhood-.- lols

lets jump to the next thing i remember..
i knocked my head against the corner of the door while throwing rubbish-.-
after throwing, i simply just stood up straight.
and in the process of doing so, i knocked my head hard on the door.
and now theres really a bruise there because something is popping out and it hurts even while i touch it lightly-.-
how lucky can i get?

next..while on the way back home, my mum called.
shes not going to the sinseh again today-.-
she says she will visit the sinseh tomorrow instead-.-
she better do so soon to have her toe cured..
about how she injured her toe..its a interesting story-.-

she asked if i could help to collect some things from my grandma place.
i suddenly felt......
its been quite some time since i stepped into my grandma place after the 7feb.
though its not very long ago, it felt as if its been ages since i went there.
the smell of the house, the environment..
everything is still the same.
only that my grandma is no longer sitting on the sofa watching the tv...

walked back home and i heard this person playing the violin in their house.
so i got tempted and wanted to play my cello.
so i came home and started playing and tuning it.
okay, im ending here.
bye

i dont know what to say.
so i shall just talk about random stuffs.

sorry gaoyang, for making ur sleeve tear.
i swear never to play so roughly ever again.

mrspong is really nice and patient.

i think i suck and i really do.

i arent late for school and isnt that good?
i think i would like detention, for i would stay there and study at least.

i think things have change and i feel really sad about it.
okay, maybe not really. just sad is enough.

theres this irritating minnie mouse clock on my table which is supposed to replace the clock in the hall.
but i think its ugly.

my memory today is like SHIT.
i forgot to do ALOT of things.

i dont know what to say.
really.
not in the mood to say anything =/

i hope tian is okay by now.

theres this DHSCO in march
im happy that the new sec ones are willing to go without me like trying to fool them or what into going.
i never fooled ppl into going right?
i hoped not.
i hope they will have the enthusiasm for co.
infact i hope everyone whose in co to have the enthusiasm for it.
but i guess thats abit of hard.

talking about this..
if i still see no enthusiasm for co in the sec3s.
i might seriously ask and give your a skip.
letting the sec2s take over instead.
i want one who is bothered and willing to do things for cello
and not those who tries to push around and say she/he could do it instead.
or mixing personal and official stuffs together.
i believe that i might be partial at times.
but still, it depends on the situation, like how serious it is.

though nasco might have nothing to do with us anymore once we leaves or step down..
still, theres still the sense of belonging to there once before.
and belonging to it once, who would hope to see it falling after leaving?
your might dislike me for doing so, because 理论上, the next batch should take over instead.
but i seriously wont just let it go just to have your liking me.
i believe most of your just take cello/co as a cca; and nothing else.
but come to think of it, does it really mean nothing to you?
if you havent been attending cca all along, what would you have spent your time doing?
dont tell me studying, apart from that i meant.

i believe i have said before that even if you dont like cello, just attend the lessons for the sake of it as a cca.
but even after so long..
do you still not have any feelings for it?
a sense of belonging?
even if it meant getting loads of scoldings before?
and i tell you, before you think of any other faults or what..
would it be better that someone bothers to scold you, to correct you
or would you rather to not get scoldings but finds out that the someone isnt bothering about how you fare at all?
and i dare to comment on this because unlike junyan, ive been through more scoldings then him and some really horrid ones.
so dont come and shoot me off with, 'what do you know, you've never gotten much scoldings before'

okay, im stopping here.
the sec3s are going for their sec3 camp soon and that made me reminisce about ours last year.
i could still remember certain things here and there and the feelings i had for it.
i even remembered deeply about going to AMK for lunch with huiling and others though i was just backed from camp.
but it was really a nice experience, and i do miss the times.

takecare.

let me tell you something.

i really learnt my lesson not to meddle with things for nothing-.-
it started with me trying to play with the clay thing and i cut myself.
quite a deep one though not a big cut.
the blood was damn cute. lols
couldnt stop after some time.

and i saw the skin..
yucks, it totally went detach halfway and u can see in it.
only got better after the blood stopped because the skin somehow sticked to it-.-
and i kept hitting that portion onto some other parts of my other arm.
it wasnt that bad yet.

until i knocked it onto the table just now RIGHT ON THE SPOT ON THE CORNER OF THE TABLE.
i immediatly went *****.
its god damn it pain.
it stinged for like quite a couple of minutes before it cooled down.
and hence, i conclude that never meddle with broken objects for NOTHING.
my thumb cant be straight now too and i cant clutch my right fist. -.-

its chuiying birthday in a couple of hours.
happy birthday chuiying.
but that also marks the end of huiling's birthday.
oh, and abigail's one too.

hello.
im back once again.

i dont know what to start with.
but all i know is that i wanna blog about me stepping on cat/dog poo yesturday(14/2).
i think im damn lucky or what? lols
but im not alone.
because chuiying stepped on it too before i stepped on it. lols
and i woke up late that day; chuiying was even the one who rang me up.
so like, i just chionged down and had to run back up to change into another pair of shoes because though much of the poo came off, the smell was still very strong.
see how considerate i am?
didnt let my friends had to suffer smelling poo on valentine day. lols
kidding lah.
yah, and because we were scared that we gonna be late..
we ran to school.

oh, and i really wanna say sorry sorry and sorry to my juniors too.
lols, because i was supposed to be early yesturday to pass them the gifts.
but i turned out late instead-.-
so they made a trip to my class for nothing.
and talking about that, i feel bad for preparing one less share of gift because i thought yanjie was in bass.
didnt know he was in cello =/
im really sorry too.

and i dont know what got into me during/after recess.
i just turned moody for a sudden.
and i cant seem to find any of the jokes funny.

while i was at the bus stop waiting for a bus home, sae huiling waving on the bus to me.
she gave me a ring seeing that i was so moodless.
she thought i was angry? but that wasnt the case.
haha, do i really look angry instead of sad ?

went to the cc for the cny performance thing.
i think it is like ....
because, it totally dont feels like a performance at all.
just somewhat of a open area practice.

took 15 home and walked home with chuiying one stop earlier.
she had forgotten to bring her keys and no one was at home.
so she came over first instead of waiting at the stairs outside her home.
we were saying that we would practice the instruments together..
but we ended up catching a little of sweeney todd instead.
lols. practice, yeah practice. lols

happy birthday huiling!
its 12am now.

i dont know why, but i seriously became more...
erm, how do i phrase it?
its not really emo.
its just that i somehow think thats its different.
i cant seem to just laugh that easily and i feels low easily.
damn, i really have limited vocabs-.-

nevermind.
and oh, chuiying is spying on me.
omg, that tells me i ought to have my curtains closed. lols
take care everyone =)

guess what.
i dont even know what am i like now. -.-
as in..how i feels.
im neither happy nor sad.
but im just feeling that something is pulling my heart down and its feeling very heavy.
i get random mixed feelings and goes into emo-mode for nothing.
seriously, i dont know whats the matter with me.
feeling all these..i dont know if im really ready to be back on track.

hey yo!
okay, i believe im back on track now.
but on the other hand, i think im not really that back on track yet.
because while typing 'im back on track now', i felt a sudden sadness in my heart.
and, its painful too.
okay, shall stop it at here. if not i will turn emo again.
haha, been really really really emotional for the past week.

firstly.
i seriously wanna thank my friends who have comforted me in a way or another.
so heres a really really really BIG THANK YOU.
to..
chuiying : thanks for coming down that night with ur mum and staying till midnight. thanks for that chat when i was feeling lonely. and also thanks for those few random chats when we met each other like on wed afternoon. haha
qihao : thanks for asking and those messages which made me try to be strong infront of my family but resulting in me breaking down in sch-.- (so 丢脸)
koknam : thanks for offering to chat when you dont have spare smses and charging me a rate of $5 to chat. lols. oh, and listening to me complain about those damn monks too. lols
jo : thanks for comforting me especially on monday. and for your tissues XD
gaoyang : thanks for saying im welcome to 'shoot' you anytime. lols, and for not being angry with that sudden outburst at you. i do feel sorry for that because its like not your fault that you dont know anything but yet i still ... yah so thanks.
caiyan : were you looking for your name? haha. thanks for being there though you dont know what to do. lols! and to try to distract my attention by asking WEIRD questions like what do i want to have for lunch. lols. and..there were many times when i wanted to look for you, but you could nowhere to be found. lols. enjoy your new year.

im not listing out everyone because i dont want to feel too emotional as i type.
so to the rest..i thank you in my heart.

oh, and because of what happened recently..
i didnt get to meet mandy yet AGAIN. T.T

also, i had been staying home for those few days as if i was sick ._.
so im actually sick of staying home lols.
but i also didnt spent the days studying because i wasnt in any mood to do so.
so i wasted those days of my life away by just listening to sentimental songs and emo-ing away. haha.
and i finally got out of it yesturday to go catch a movie with koknam,qihao,yiliang,chuiying,dion.
and i was again DAMN LUCKY to break my slippers-.-

by the way, losing your voice is a horrible thing to happen.
because i lost mine on thurs for a few hours.
luckily, its nothing much.
and, i have also been having a weird throat since last sunday.
my voice just keeps breaking...

this year..
im seriously deprived. lols
no CNY shopping yet(though its going to be over-.-)
no CNY goodies(because we didnt had the time to shop for it. my mum is those kinda last minute then shop de.)
no red packets.
in conclusion, no celebration.
but seriously, i rather have no celebrations for cny rather then having my grandma to go.

okay, im going now.
bye.

To my late grandma :

Ah ma, everything came too sudden.
All of us weren't prepared for what's happening next.
We hope that you're satisfied with what we have arranged for your wake.
If there is anything you're unsatisfied, let us know and we'll try to make changes for you.
And..I do really wish that you're really happy living in heaven now for you need not suffer any more pain from those needles poking into you.
No more medication for you since you're well and healthy now.
And I know you will be very blissful with ah gong for you've finally reunit with him after almost a decade.

Ah ma, a new life has started for you and do take care of yourself!
We're no longer there to look after you..so do remember to place your interest for yourself first before anything.
We may wish for your blessings at times, but do remember to indulge on yourself and not just on protecting us and stuffs.
If theres anything you need, let us know.
We'll try to fulfil it for you.
Do leave without any worries for us for though we cried our lungs out..
we cried because we were happy for you and we do miss you for we've already been together for so many years.
Do not see it as we are sad for we won't want you to worry for us.

We'll probably meet again years down the road.
But for now, we will all start a new life of living without each other physically but we know that we are all there for each other mentally.
I won't wish much from you.
So please fulfil my only wish for you which is to be happy.
I will definitely miss you loads, but remember, I'm happy for you.

There's also some things I want to complain to you, ah ma.
Why didn't we get to spent with you for the last time a nice chinese new year?
Why couldn't we celebrate your 80th birthday with you this year before you went?
Why did you have to go through so much before going off?
Seeing you lying in bed those few days were heart wrenching enough for any fo us to cope with it.
Why are monks nowadays so @%#$!&^ ?
During the rituals, I really felt that they were very disrespectful to both us and themselves for they were scratching their heads, digging their nose and ears while chanting and YAWNING.
Nevermind, they will get their retribution for doing this.

Though I know that you don't understand english and won't get to read this..
I still wish to note this down for I hope that this message will get to you somehow.
Maybe you can start taking a new language up?
Take english, so that you will understand what I'm typing. =)
Ah ma, I love you.
I seriously never knew how much you meant to me till today...

hi.
things are just happening too quickly recently.
and for now, i dont think i will adapt to it anytime soon.
didnt use the com for the past few days.
but was told by the belinda(i think) that she sent me the scores to my email instead.
like, they were supposed to pass me the copies of it?
just because they were lazy to come down to pass it to me, i had to check my inbox and get it printed.
thanks koknam, for helping me to print things once again.
i will go get the ink catridge for my printer after its over.
couldnt bother others everytime.

maybe i will talk more about what i feel other time.
because, i dont think i want to type it down now and yeah, i have to go off soon.
as soon as that belinda sent me another score-.-
pardon me, but just let me let off some steam.
bloody *, if you're lazy to come down just say so.
why do you bother to make up so many excuses.

for the first time in these few days, im feeling hungry and wants to eat.
so i ate lunch.
and..i miss my grandmother's cooking ='(
been skipping almost every meal because i just didnt had the appetite to.
i believe im getting better over it.
and i really wanna thank my friends for the comforts they have given me.
but i guess, some things really do take time to heal.

and i guess i need a good sleep real badly.
have only slept like 4-5hours these two days.
got to go. bye.

hello.

okay, replies to tag first today =)
-SLY- : i know who it is! yiting right! see...i so clever XP
dion : Bye.
koknam : lols, you sure got cool guy? i think ive yet to see one eh.. lols, i think is my bow too old le, all the hair drop..not havent reach puberty-.-
qh : lols, but she was DAMN les that day. lols
huiyi : haha, so long then realise i got laughing fits too? thats long.. lols. you two damn cute eh.. huiyi, yihui..haha
yuyun : haha, thank you yunyun. lols!
qh : lols, thank you. what a lucky streak that day right! lols.
-SLY- : haha, no lah. i saw you! standing in the first/last row right! lols. i saw you lah XD and, thank you =)

had to report to sch at 7am this morning.
so i tried waking up at 6am and omg..
i couldnt get out of bed. lols
seriously speaking, i wake up later this year compare to last even when i sleep earlier.
and sometimes, i even think that i still want to sleep. lols

took the bus to school today because chuiying wasnt going to school and it reminded me of the times when i goes to school alone in the morning during sec 1&2 years before i went to school with chuiying.
time flies and im already in sec4.
and yet so quickly..its already february.
time seriously past by very quickly.
one week after another..

said that i would stay up last night to study for chem test because you can somewhat say ive yet to study for chem test which consist of 13chaps.
lols, so to study all 13chaps within one night is chionging.
but i went to sleep at 1am instead because i couldnt take it. lols
tried waking up ealier, but i snooze it till it was 6.15am and it was time to get up.
i think faggot2 ask me a really stupid question.
obviously she saw me being late and getting my phone confiscated too right..
still ask me if mine was confiscated-.-
and started going on and on about how much she needs her phone.
as if others dont need it-.-

had co after school.
got wet just to shelter the instruments.
as in, really wet.
mszahra saw me and she ask me what did i do?
so i told her that i got wet while sheltering the instruments and said they mattered more then us.
she replied 'sadly, but thats the truth that the instruments come first.' -.-

oh, and cello has loads of juniors this year!
haha, but if they quit...then i dont know..
haha, and theres finally a guy this year!
for cello and bass, one each.
so it will not gonna change into a all girls section letting the last guy there be junyan-.-
and whats more, he wanted to learn cello on his own accord and not by force.
but his hand was very small and tian wanted to chase him away. lols!

theres also this damn guailan fellow.
even worse then daphne.
first practice come and guailan me.
thats not the way to do things.
i ask you for your contact number so that it will be easier for me to contact you to let you know about practices.
not like i would prank call you or what-.-
and not say i wanna date you out...
you do ought to learn how to respect someone and not by thinking you're damn smart by rebutting.
please process your words before letting it out of your mouth.
seriously, if that is what you gonna show me in the other practices, you can rest assure that i will not let you have your way.

went for the co thing at elias cc.
met loads of ppl on the bus.
ranon,siyuan,chengboon,yanci,yingqi
all from table tennis.
haha, guess they were just back from practice.
and just whats wrong with my bag hur..
keep using that impossible is nothing FOR NOTHING. -.-
okay, i guess im going off now.
its already 2am++ and im supposed to meet my juniors for breakfast tomorrow at 7am before CO. XD
bye!

and btw, thanks everyone who tried to cheer me up or what. =)
really appreciate it.
guess im better now. =)