Apparantly...I am experiencing micro tears on both thighs-.-

Since the start of this semester, I have become harsher and last forgiving towards others.
I don't exactly know what caused the change in me, but I don't think it was a good change.
I just don't know what should I do.

At the same time, I forgone and missed out so much things in life while fulfilling my commitments and passions.
For now, I don't have the confidence to say that all these is worth it.
I hope it will be.

At the end of the day, we are all alone.

My godddddddddddddd.
Today's training was hell, but loads of fun, hahaha.

I have never regretted joining the choir when I was in primary school.
Very often, I would take out my past scores and look at it.
Sometimes I hate myself for not choosing to stick with choir and taking up all other crap which makes me so frustrated with it.
Listening to classicals excessively is making me irritated with it.

Have been very passive and pessimistic.
That's not how I am supposed to be.
I was once happy and optimistic and determined.
I have to be back up again because I can't afford to be like that.
I am not going to waste myself like that.
I have to buck up.
Go zengmei, get your life back!

Felt as if I was screwing my own life up gradually.

I like my teacher's sense of humour.
Where's your best friend? *points*
Not this, another one. *points*
Not this either, that particular one. *oh, we're no longer friends*
Die. Been too much of a dare devil and been liking confrontation too much. Die.
Where's my cool.

And so my weekends was spent resting and enjoying myself with simple random things that you would never expect yourself to be doing.

Pauline came out of my computer screen for a night.
Not seeing her in a virtual world seems quite a little inrealistic.
But because she was here for such a short period of time, it seems as if it was really a fantasy.

This time round, her departure was a happy one for we all know that we're only 27days away from seeing her back again; as compared to the previous one which was 3-4months away.

Time will fly really really soon that she will be back in just a wink of an eye.
I await for that day for I believe that I will be pretty much back on track because what I may need is time.

sectionals today was I don't know what to say, lol.
It wasn't exactly interesting until later part of the day where mr chua played the cello with me, lolllllll.
Play with me leh! HAHAHAHA

I sucked badly though hahahaha.
I mean, we were playing the 2part practice song that he gave me as hw for lessons because i just can't seem to play triplets well. hahaha
I can't count properly after playing triplets, lol i sucked so badly that the other part was sooooo easy for sight reading and yes I could play that normally because though I suck in cello, I don't suck that much. But I couldn't play it! Lolllll.

And I was feeling so apologetic the whole time for not being able to play well and sight read fast enough that my confidence kept dodging and I played super softly especially for the parts where I was hoping to smoke through.

Interesting and exciting but arghhhhhhhh pressurising! LOL But I like it! LOL

I said to pauline that I'm feeling so hyped from the playing just now and as if mr chua was my drug, LOLL.
And I said to her that after today, I think if I have to choose a partner, I will choose one who can play the cello with me, lollllllllll.
And she said that she can be my life partner! HAHAHAHAH

I have 3 cellos at home now, ahpaul's, botak yuren's and mine! So exciting! CAN PLAY 3PARTS CANON! Can't wait for saturday!
And my house seem to be a warehouse for temporary abandoned cellos, lolllllllll.

I want to share this! LOL
I'm impressed and amazed by myself, lollllll.

i'm dyingggggggggggggggggg.
Illegality is killing me.
WTHHHHHHHHH.
Case law, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Realise how useful Halsbury is, haha.

I think that I've accumulated alot of good karma in my past life to be so fortunate in this life.
Hahahahahaha.
Even though I don't really believe in past life and stuff, I just want to say that sentence hahaha.

Because seriously........I haven't been a very good person these few weeks/months?
My temper has been growing, my patience has been dropping and just everything bad is growing.

I was wanting to just have some time alone for myself. Not having to do anything, to think of anything, to care about others feelings.
And when I saw the two cakes, especially the one with Pauline's name on it, I felt so loved, touched and fortunate.
I don't know how can I describe the feelings I had.

And because of that, I don't know what kind of day should I say I have for my 18th birthday.
I just really really really really want to say thank you.

I have been taking things for granted.
I have been a bad friend.
A horrible person.
I'm sorry.
I hope its not too late for me to find back the old me..

wanling baked an ORANGE cake specially for me!

There's this flu bug going around attacking everybody.
I don't know how, I don't know why, but yes, it found me.
This is not helping when there is so much to do for the camp.
Occasionally, I have the thought to just forget about it, just forget and cancel the camp man.
But yet again, everyone's effort will be wasted. Sheesh.

I found another twin today! LOL
And that is weilin!
As said by the mensa drinks auntie, lol!

After much thinking, I decided to head down to nas today to have a look at like the scores.
Jialat, like if you count weekly, it's just like 8practices away from the concert, haha.
And so far I've only seen the scores for one piece.
Thought only Stacia would be there, but guess what!
Yanying, stacia, vick and huiling were there as well!
Hahaahahah, it sort of felt like a reunion to me!
Like the few main seniors in cello that started my journey in CO were there.

Coincidentally......we were all one batch after one another!
Felt as if I was in sec1 again for that brief moment, apart from the fact that I didn't have to stay in the erhu room and hear them(the orchestra) playing outside, hahaha.

If I didn't go tonight......I would not have met them!
And the opportunity cost for that was that I could have gotten my belt today from Pauline mdm if I went for tkd, haha.
Opportunity cost, wth, so econs.

Bye world! (need to sleep, loll)

Lol, this is ancient man. Hahaha
But guess what, this was what my tkd instructor showed me after seeing my pm, lollllllllllllllllll.

Can't help but to wonder how in the world did I accumulate so much karma to have so many nice people around me that I feel that I suck. Haha.