Haven't been sleeping well. But I don't know what's the cause for it either =/
Like that how to survive these coming few weeks!?

Sometimes I can't help but feel, seriously what am I fighting for?
Why do I bother fighting against Fayanne so that this concert can go on, when they don't even take pride in coming for the practices diligently to put up a presentable concert and doing their own duty well as a performer.
I know this isn't fair for those who attends practice diligently and try to do their best for the concert.
But the negative forces are too overwhelming, more than the positive forces in quantity.
For all the time I have spent in fighting for those who don't even deserves it, all these time could jolly well be put into better uses.

I know this isn't the time to be demoralise because I have no time to be demoralised, I should take the time to see how I can make things work instead.
But all these nonsenses are really getting the toll on me.
If the problems are solely from co only, it's ok, I can deal with it for I know it will be over soon.
But I can't even find peace at home.
This is awful and I hate this.
If my disappearance can cause all these problems to cease, I will gladly do so.
So what am I suppose to do to make things right, or can I just amputate off my shoulders.

I really really really like 陈老师 alot.
I hope that I will not have to stop cello lessons from her. Or at least, attain what she wants of me before I stop.

The feelings I have for her is different from all the feelings I have for my previous cello teachers.
I like all my previous teachers but the feelings for them are just different.
Tian Ling gave me my skills, the start of my journey in cello.
Mr Chua helped to build up my foundation and trained up my ears (but my ears still need more trainings lol)
But 陈老师 teaches me more than all these.

I think I will be very sad when that day comes.

So why am I even studying the law for. To continue being under their slavery?! What shit is this.

Even if you don't have faith in your citizens, you should have faith in your administratives right. If you can't, you're better off shutting your entire body.
Total crap.

I have never felt so against the system before. Seriously, it's crap. Seriously. So now what, upon the death then murder can be proven? Or what's next, manslaughter or worst still, suicide. -.- seriously-.-

Bloody big fat liar.
I'm seriously very disappointed with the judge -.-
Wtfwtfwtfwtf. Seriously?!

3 more papers till i'm unofficially done with my course of study!!

It's a matter of time before I lose my mind and pick up a knife.
Not to kill myself. But to dispose of all the irritants and pests in my life.

Something is wrong with me somewhere.
I lost my appetite for food.
4hrs of sleep becomes sufficient for me when it was never enough ever since year 2.
I lost interest in doing anything apart from playing cello occasionally.
I just feel like sleeping and never waking up. =/

On a sidenote, she must make me angry and fight with her before I leave then she happy is it. Zzzz

And to whoever who is reading this, come and watch tpco concert on 17 March 2012 at TP's Auditorium 1 at 7.30pm if you can leh. Help me with my ticket sales.. =/ ask your friends or whoever to come also, just help me clear my tickets for me to win my battle. Lol

Just when I was losing directions of what I wanted to do, I had a continuation of various dreams in a 1hr nap.
The angst I felt in it when there was unfairness, the joy I got when things were put right, the excitement I had in the midst of the preparations and everything else, tells me that yes, this is what I want even though I know the future gonna be tough.

So this is how it feels like being greeted by someone else whom you thought they would not have greeted because they didn't know you well.

It doesn't matter if your actions doesn't get recognised for there will be people who appreciates what you have done. And when news of those gets to you, the satisfaction that you get from it is greater and bigger than getting publicly recognised.

Because of these people, its makes all the work and effort put in worthwhile.

Advance Civil Procedure Test first thing in the morning.

Made alot of careless mistake, damnnnnnnn. Seriously, I'm very worried for my results this semester.

Decided to take some time off today to do things that I like or have not done in a long time.

Skimmed through 90 practice pieces (some of them are really short) and a little of bach.

That's a little crazy for me, but I don't feel any improvement after that. Faillllll lol.  

And then I decided bake for fun, I wanted to decorate the cake properly, but I was too lazy to take out the piping bag to frost the cake properly and here it is, ugly-.- Can't even see the shape. Lol.

And now, it's back to doing work. 

12 more schooling days.

Our IP teacher has kindly extended the dateline for our IP project, which has savedddddd my life man.
Hahaha. Though yes, the suffering is extended, but at least I have some time to rest and to understand what I am doing.

Submissions, tutorials, submissions, and never ending tutorials are almost coming to an end..
Had lunch with my coursemates today and we started talking more about things other than projects and I felt that we have been blinded to our surroundings completely.
Everyone else in school are like slowly having their lunch, enjoying and slacking before the start of their next tutorial.
It's been so long since we last did that.
And now.. we are left with only 28days to experience the last of our times as a student in TP.
Kinda heart-warming and mind boggling at the same time because we are having a love-hate relationship with it now.

My head is throbbing like mad.
My health isn't at tip top condition as well.
Please let all these nonsense conditions leave me alone because I don't have time to nurse it with care.
GOOOOOOOOOOO AWAYYYYYYYY.

Waiting for the day where..
I will be sitting down reading a book with a cup of tea anytime I want to;
I can play the cello anytime when I want to without having to stress how much time I have left before I need to do other stuffs;
I can go and meet anyone I like for lunch or tea or dinner (I can travel anywhere to look for them since I will be free);
I can go and swim or run or play any games I want to;
I can watch any amount or dramas I want to;
I can bake anything I want to; and
etc...

It's been too long since I had some time for myself and for me to really give my full attention to people who matters to me.

时间如流水，岁月不留人

只希望，在这几个星期内，能尽量完成想完成的事，以免留下遗憾。

Life's good for now!
Ok, it's only now..... things will change in a few hours time when I get back to doing my work-.-
I feel so happy to just sit on the sofa and strum my cello away (i know it's not a guitar, listening to it just makes me happy lol.)
I need some time alone to get to know my new beloved better.
Come to think of it, my life has been very fast paced since this AY started!
Haven't had a good break.

Exams timetable are out.
I will be having my last paper in TP on 1st March 2012!
This is soooooo awesome.
All these while, I have been seeing stuffs about graduation day for 3 batches, and now, it's finally my turn!!
I'm pretty excited for it!
It's like finallyyyyyy you know! Hahaha.
Its not that I dislike my course or what, but I believe it just feels awesome to graduate.
Like you're accomplishing something to move on to another part of your life. (though the future is actually pretty daunting!)
My friends have already started counting down.
40 days till we are unoffical graduates of TP! hahah! =D

This is crazy, I'm crazy.

I use to call my cello "it" and now I'm starting to refer to my cello as "him".

So I've bought a new cello today, well, cause my teacher kinda want/advise me to change it to improve further.

And I thought, if I'm continuing cello further, maybe it's time to invest in another cello.

I don't know how far I will go in it because..to be honest, I don't think I'm talented in it lah, LOL, if I am I would have long been somewhere else (I don't know where though lol), and not stucked with this kinda skill. But I'm just going to go and see how far I can go with it.

I'm actually thinking what should I name my 2nd cello. I'm too confused over who is the current cello now, so I will refer them to 1st and 2nd. My 1st cello isn't my old cello yet cause I have yet to start using my 2nd cello officially. And I think that my 1st cello is actually angry with me for getting the 2nd cello.

It's like saying to me "you already have me, why are you getting a new one? since you have your new cello, don't touch me, go to your new one, we will never be the same again.."

This is really eccentric of me. I have never thought that I would ever say this, cause when I see people talking to their pet, I'm like, "crazy, it's just a pet, how do you know what it thinks"

And now, I'm worst, I'm thinking of what a DEAD object feels. 

But I really feel something for it LOL.

I feel sad now cause my excitement for having a new cello can't beat the sadness of parting with my 1st cello lol. But at the same time, my 1st cello is like angry with me, and my 2nd cello isn't exactly mine yet cause I am not used to it. So technically, it feels like I don't have any cello belonging to me now when I have both of it at home now. The irony.

I should go and sleep now to first nurse myself back to health.

First SY practice for the year and the first time in my life. lol
Probably the only year I will be in there as well, haha, kinda sad ah? Others like normally continue a few years one los. lol, but nevermind it's for the experience.
Who would have expected that I will be in SY one day, lol, I mean even I do not see myself in SY.

So basically, I was feeling "why am I doing this to myself, having to carry cello to school every monday and occasionally on thursday from now on.".
Trip down to Tanjung Pagar now has a different meaning. I now no longer go there for SIP but for practice and it was kinda weird.

Having to sit at the front row was like T.T because lihyee told me that if I went early, I can book the back seats, but apparently, I still got the front seat somehow-.-
I can say it was both a bad and good thing.
Bad cause..it's just bad lah, lol, like I'm just some noob there, and I'm sitting right in front, waiting to kena aim only ah. Lol.
Good cause, it was a different experience. Like being thrown to the front to try and cope even if I can't.
Thank god Mr Quek went easy on everyone today I guess? I mean, probably cause it's like the first practice for the year, so he is giving everyone the benefit of doubt on their mistakes.

Yingying is awesome. Lol. I'll still say that I'll fall for her if I'm a guy lol.
From hearing nothing about her except that she plays the cello well, to watching a random CO concert with her, to speaking with her a little just before my audition, to actually hearing her play the cello and playing alongside her, I have yet to find anything bad about her lol.
She's damnnnnnnnn nice to offer to sit in the front to spare the rest from being aim-ed at by the conductor even though she came early enough to chop a backseat.
And playing with her gives me the "Don't worry, I am here to shield you, just follow me and give it a go." I guess that is why I managed to thicken up my skin to sit in the front even when I am probably like the lousiest and second oldest cellist there. LOL. OMG cui, oldest with cui-est skills. What nonsense. lol

During the orientation(ok, i probably only attended the welcome talk? LOL, but it doesn't matter), they mentioned that the students in SY are one bunch of lucky students, and I actually feel that I kinda agree with what they said. I mean, ok they worked hard to prepare for the audition and stuff, but again, it's like they were lucky enough to be offered a place in SY with all the facilities that others don't. I mean, who gets to use SCH for practices everytime that the stage doesn't feel any foreign to them at all apart from the professionals? And then, with the subsidised music lessons paid by the government for their learning. It's like, our country doesn't even promote much of the Arts, and yet they are setting aside some funds to pay for the student's private lesson. Thats kinda fortunate isn't it?

And then seeing how music changes a person, from being a small boy to actually one who actually ponders about the problem, thats amazing. And then the restraints that one faces from their family, environment, etc.. from pursuing further their interest, it's kinda saddening. And the graciousness and nobleness to help others achieve what others want when they themselves can't and yet getting satisfaction from it.

This has been interesting. Let's see how I slowly learn to survive in there.

Something must have gone wrong in me somewhere.
For I am actually excited over being occupied with so much CO stuffs.
And I guess it is probably due to the fact that the faster we have our concert, the faster end of march arrives, and that means that I will have fulfil my duties in tpco and be handing over to the next main comm!
This is definitely something worthy to make me so excited about!
Since I will be so occupied, I guess time will fly pass real fast!
Good luck to me on surviving this last lap in tp!
I bet I will definitely say I had of co sometime soon when the adrenaline rush from graduating finishes LOL.