Tired tired tired.
Got my school ID card and moved into my accommodation already.
Room's still a little messed up, haven't properly packed it yet.

Just finished packing, and the feelings are creeping in more than ever.
I'll try to hold back my tears, but I don't think that I can do it.
How ='(

Thanks for all the love and listening earsssssss (I really had alot to rant LOL). As much as I want to embark on this new journey, I want everything to be the same even more. But again, I was the one who chose this route to go.

For all of my friends, please do not be dejected or anything, things will work out at the end of the day, don't give up on yourself and that is what matters the most.

Deer, thanks for all the help, care and concern that you've ever given me all these years. I can never ever thank you enough for all the help and knowledge that you've taught me. Remember to take a break whenever you are feeling stress. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
Jas, it's amusing how life works. Up to this day, I still think that it is a miracle that I'm friends with you HAHA. Thank you for persevering during your term as a VP to help me out and lending me a listening ear.

Paul, every single friend of mine matters k. Don't come and talk rubbish. Haven't been communicating much with you cause we are both busy, sometimes I seriously wonder how did we skype so frequently when you had your SIP in Thailand.

Longan, don't think you will see this but I am still thankful for all the silent sacrifices/things that you have done. It haven't been easy on you, but please take care of your health and not let it deteriorate. I want you to be as healthy as everyone else so that we can all have fun together!

I don't want to write anymore, need to keep my emotions in check. Sorry guys, to whoever is reading.

死掉算了。
This kind of shit you also want to compare since he's not doing anything. Then don't do a fuck for me, just let me die, why keep me alive and torture me. Seriously fuck it.
I didn't ask for all this but I have to suffer all these shit too.
Before you start comparing if it is fair for you, is it even fair for me.
FUCK IT. SERIOUSLY FUCK IT.

Starting to panic a little.
I need more luggage space! ARGHHHHHH OMG.
How to not bring so much thing, my goodness, gahhhhhhhhhh.
Save me, help me, ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.
My cello is already 10kg on its own. FML FML FML FMLLLLLLLLL

On a bright side, my cello has a new home =) HAHA and it's called blackie, HAHA WTS RIGHT. LIKE NONSENSE ONLY.

I'm really excited for school to start!
Can't wait to study what I like and stuffs again.
But definitely not the packing, unpacking and settling down-.-.-.-
I remember being this excited for school to start when I entered TP as well but this enthusiasm didn't last when the work came in.
HAHAHAHA.
SHITSZZXXXXXXXX

Never liked helping people who don't want to/can't be bothered to help themselves.
Don't say I never rendered help when you chose to see it as unimportant.
That's why I say I'm the kind of friend that you have to let me know if you need my help, because how will I know when is my help wanted/unwanted.

Missing all the fun I had in USS yesturday.

A : I miss cello

B : That's fast?

A : Because cello doesn't judge me.

B : You should miss your guitar more. It's waiting for you at home. 

A : You're cello. 

Now, that's weird. 

Caught Brave with my mum and sis.
Felt that it was a really meaningful movie.
I don't know if it is because I will be going away for my studies soon that is making me so emotional, but I don't want to leave my mum and sis in Singapore.
I asked my mum what if I don't want to go for my studies anymore, can I?
She didn't answer my question.
"Mother will always be there for you"

20 more days..

Reallyyyyy excited to start school and meet new peeps.
I hope everything will go smoothly and turn out fine.
But at the same time, I dread the walk to school (can't even use my phone, can't walk alone, can't take a bus if I'm feeling lazy because there's no bus to take at all), the laundry and the cooking.

I'll probably stop trying one day.
It may or may not be a pity.
It may even be a blessing in disguise.
But the reason why I'm even trying is because I care.

Worried about my accommodation now. =/
What I thought was settled is now unsettled.
Went to research more on the accommodation offer I had and I realise that the offer I had is pretty far away from school and I feel that the room looks a little dark/creepy.
I hope to get an offer from Tennis Court because I would like that better and it is more convenient as it is nearer to the bus stop.
And if I don't get an offer from Tennis Court, do I reject Elgar Court's offer and try to source for accommodation in private sectors on my own? =/

Finally over. I hope it will be well. At least decent?

当你跟我说那些话时，我的心觉得好酸，忍不住，也掉泪了。
我们的遇见就是那么的偶然，也那么的美妙。
未来会怎么样，我不知道，但我想永远的跟你保持联络，因为我舍不得你。

Despite all the nonsense I am facing, I am still thankful for what I have.
Things can really really really be very annoying at times though, but I should still be grateful for all the other things that are right.

One week left till my cello exam. That's it.
I have been touching my cello more frequently but not frequently enough to master the things that I need to for my cello exam.
I'm really the master of procrastination. I can just laze one whole day around saying that I will practice later later and later and that later never comes-.-
I shall try and go all out for it this remaining 1 week so that I have no rooms for regret. At least for this 1 week left.
I know that my teacher is worried, and I'm sorry for being so lazy.
I guess my break really comes after 6 aug then.
I'm thankful for all the help I got from deer though!
Can never thank her enough for the help she has offered me in music.

Been missing out on outings and whatsoever, pretty sad that I have to sacrifice those for now.
But I think this is when I have to make a choice and prioritise things that are more crucial at different points of time.
If I fail my cello exam (which I hope that will never happen), I might not have the opportunity to retake it because who knows what will happen when I am in uni.
Will I have the time to practice? Will I get the opportunity to? Will I be able to find another orchestra to play in?
So I hope that I will be able to pass it and at least let things end nicely even if this really has to be the end of it.
There were a few times when I was seriously contemplating if I should change my degree along the way if my interest changes suddenly or something =/
But again, the ability to do so is another thing.

I'll try to get back whatever I've forgo during this period after 6 aug.

Disappointed with what I put up-.-
Lesson learnt, never participate in 2 major concerts back to back without ample practice, not that I will get a chance to do so anyway.
Nonetheless, I'm still glad that it's over.
Time to concentrate on my cello exam.
No more excuses.

不知道为什么，心里一直平静不下来。
对这次的演出，有很多的感触。

Never have I thought that I will feel like this towards SY.
I once thought of giving it a try, but when things didn't turn out very pleasant the first time, I kinda told myself to just survive through it for the sake of doing so.

Somehow, some way and somewhat along the way, I guess things changed.
I got used to how it is like to interact with the cello/bass peeps and I'm kinda grateful that they are there during practices because nonetheless, they have provided me with accompaniment in some way or another.
This will probably be the last concert that I will be performing with all of them as the next SY concert in sept will be an ensemble one and not everyone is performing for it.

Since end Jan till now, it's been about 6-7 months.
To call this period of time short, it aren't exactly short but it isn't very long either. For a place where hardly any bonding has been done, it is already surprising for me to have feelings towards them.
Nonetheless, I've learnt and improved during the short time there.
A fellow member asked if I will be joining SY next year. 
To be honest, I won't mind joining it again because of the experience and exposure that I will gain.
But whether they will want me back in is another thing.
I can't even make it for the audition, not to mention that I won't be able to make it for the practices although I will be able to make it for the concert.
说起来，还真有点舍不得。


Another part of me is feeling scared because I guess this is reminding me of the fact that yes, July is coming to an end.
Not only does it mean that August (cello exam) is coming, but that also meant that September is creeping by soon enough.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to cope with all these emotions.

When people questioned me about what made me so daring to apply to study overseas, it wasn't a matter of being daring to me, it was more of a matter of pursuing what I want and I have to survive through it no matter what.
But at the same time, I'm starting to feel scared being all alone. =/

Why is it that I can't express myself in my music.
What is my music.
I can't even identify it.
I can't put my feelings in it.
Is it even mine?

Why did I lock it up the other day.
I can't even unlock it now.
I can't express myself at all.
It feels numb.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Argh.

Still overwhelmed by the surprise!
Too overwhelming!
To think that I had one of the biggest surprises when I thought I knew of the surprises and kept spoiling the plan at the very very very very last minute!
I don't know what was going on in my mind but I was pleasantly surprised.
In a state of shock now! LOL

Got to start torturing my fingers in return for all the joy for the past 2 days!

Feels good to be meeting the dragonsxz again.
As childish as the name may be, this is what we are when we are with each other and this is what we appreciate of each other.
Time seriously flew past so quickly that I had to go even before I knew it.
I'm sorry that I haven't been able to meet them often recently and I hope that they understand.
Let's meet again soon and I'll definitely put the entire day out for you guys.