decided to delete two of my post when i came back this afternoon.
wrote that in a spite of anger i guess.
but what i said was what i really meant.
but nevermind, its gone.
i guess i shall just try to have better temper management.
but gaoyang, seriously, i wasnt angry because of the book.
i meant, that only add on but it wasnt the reason why i was pissed in the first place.
though i might say i dont know why i was pissed, i do know why i was this time round.

i guess, sometimes im really pretty sick of being a slacker.
like, i know i have to do something for my schoolwork, but im just seriously very lazy.
it seem rather dumb of me.
im like having sucha high ambition when im like getting lousy results and yet im not working on it.
this will seriously lead to a downfall for me.
but yet, im like just #$^*% or what.
maybe i should actually just like turn into * so that i start being hardworking?
but thats like just so not me.
but yet i do know i dont wanna regret.
sucker. i seriously should just go and bang the wall and die.

im also pretty pissed with myself.
for the bloody attitude i have.
but yet i dont see myself improvising.

but thats not all to what im pissed with.
maybe it just isnt what i will do so or what.
but i guess i wont be like exactly typing out what im really displease with.
i dont know where to vent my frustrations other then punching the wall.
i dont even know who can i actually look for if i really do have frustrations.
maybe some things are so minor that even when its said out, its not being realised.
now, im actually thinking if what i had did was worth it.
sometimes, i do render my help for anyone who i could help, but when i actually need it..do i get it?
maybe i seem to have set certain expectations on some stuffs too high that i get those disappointments when i dont see it.
its such a wrong time for all this feelings to come.
EOYs is like starting tomorrow and yet im not concentrating on it.

to ly and yy, i cant seem to be carrying a smile everytime.
thanks though for your concern, but no matter what, i believe everyone do have their ups and down.
maybe its just because the things that your have faced so far are different, so the attitude you have towards certain things are different from me.
i dont wanna say this, but seriously, theres much more things your arent aware of me.

maybe i just havent seem to have been able to have trust in ppl yet.
some things just seem so ridiculous for me.