Seeing all the pictures of you guys are making me missing the company of you guys a lot. ='/

Sleeping over at my friend's place for these few days! =)

Read this somewhere on FB posted by my friend on the internet.
You shout at one another in a heated argument even when you can be side by side because of the distance of the two hearts, to make sure that the other heart can hear your heart.
But when two hearts are close to one another, you will naturally just talk softly and gently, whisper or even not have to say anything for your messages can be communicated without having it to be said verbally.

Had alot of thoughts about this after I read it.
Received some comments from my relatives or mum's friend during the short winter break when I was back in Singapore that I am independent now, but I know that I'm not.
I wouldn't have say that I have truly learnt to be independent because I know that I'm not. Especially so if one were to judge independence based on monetary terms. I'm not even able to provide for myself.

Apart from not wanting my mum and sis to worry for me, I guess the main reason why I was able to maintain my silence and distance from my mum and sis was because I was afraid of getting hurt once more. Not that they hurt me, but because I was afraid of getting hurt even more when I have yet to recover from other injuries, which was why I refuse to place myself vulnerable, as I know that they are the ones who will be able to hurt me most greatly, which in return made me selfish.

However, I guess its changing for I now want to pull the distance of my mum's and sis's heart even closer to me. And I know, doing this will in return definitely make me be more vulnerable to getting hurt even more in the future. But I know that now is not the time for me to be selfish anymore for they are the one who deserves the most of my time. Not to forget, the care and concern that I want to give to them, will probably be the only thing I can give to them.

It used to be out of sight, out of mind. But now, I guess it's absence makes the heart fonder.

Listening to the  那些年 played by TPCO on facebook and looking at some random posts that were found when I googled my name is making me miss the times that I had in TP alot.
Not that I was shameless to google myself, but I wanted to check if googling my name will make my blog appear on the search list and if it does, I will want to get it out from the search engines.
All the hardships spent preparing the co for performances and events, coordinating with the other leaders, advisors and instructors, were all once so bittersweet.
We fought, argued, laugh and cried over the simplest things to the biggest matters.
We cringed at the awful playing, melts with the melody and bombed the beats when our parts get too boring.
I don't get to do all these here for everyone here is basically in a battlefield.
Can't help but feel sad when I think about this. Why does my life seem so sad.
Uni life shouldn't be like that, an overseas experience shouldn't be like that either.
Is it me? Or is it my environment?
What happened to true friendships.
It is true that we never appreciate things until we lose it.
I missed the times with TPCO.<3 p="p">

Shit happens.
Irritating the shit out of me.
Never felt more alone than ever.

In some sense, though it was a tough and sad thing to return to Singapore and leaving it again, I'm glad I did for I've now realise how unappreciative I have been in my past semester here.
The break and peace I have had the past few days was indeed a good one for me and I'm all ready to starting afresh again!
School's starting tomorrow but I have yet to finish my essays, good luck to me man. Hahahah.
Can't wait to wear my Dr. Martens out! =D
Yay to new boots ^^

Cheers to school so that I can have my breaks soon too! =)
PS. met a weird exchange student from NUS the day before =S have to be careful of him.

我猜， 每个人都有倒下的那么一阵子吧。
就算自己心里觉得有多么的坚强，状况来了也可能没那么坚强吧。
当一个人的心与脑无法认同，自己无法用理智来做决定，决定做的事也是否是对的。
回想起来，这阵子我的心里一直都很纳闷，很烦，一直没能好好的做自己。
一件件的小事累计着，使自己无法呼吸，无法理解，无法享受。
对身边的亲朋好友比较坚决，薄幸。
说到那，自己也觉得好惭愧，很抱歉。
我才，真正的旅程才即将要开始吧！
2013 年，让我们一起为新的一年奋斗而努力吧！

Can't help but stop thinking 'I don't want to go back!!'
Never want to stay home so badly before.
I want to be by my mum's side physically. T.T

我的痛苦又有谁会知道呢。

So much has happened in the past 13 weeks since I left for Birmingham.
Life for me has it's ups and downs, good and bad, joy and sorrow.
Made some friends, lost some friends.This is saddening but I don't know what can I do for it is not within my control.
Learnt some experiences which made me felt that all battles will be fought by myself eventually.

看到您这个样子，我的心好痛。
但我又不能说出来，不能让您操心。
您一定要答应我，勇敢和坚强的走下去，克服病魔。

有时候，我也想要有个美满的家庭。
有个老爸给我靠。
曾经拥有，那为什么要失去掉呢？

This feels like home. :')

http://tunein.com/radio/Yes-933-FM-s25609/

Down with cough, sore throat and flu.
The feeling of missing home creeps in more at times like this =(

Waiting in school now for lecture to start at 2pm.
Soooooo, life's basically alright now I guess.
Generally have everything that I need I guess, for survival and communication and stuff.
But yah, nothing beats being at home haha.
I prefer my warm sunny island. LOL, so patriotic haha.

Guess what, I would have spent a month here this coming sat!
Isn't that fast? Pretty fast isn't it?
But I bet when sch gets tough and stuff time would probably crawl or maybe during winter when it's all cold. =(

Going to london this weekend to look for huihui, fayanne, yinren and zul!
Can't wait to meet them!
Like familiar faces in a faraway land, awwwwww, awesome hahaha.
Ok, I'll update another time!

Don't know if I should continue going for orchestra practices.

Bought tickets to go to London next weekend to look for Huihui, Fayanne, Zul and Yin Ren! LOL!

Tired tired tired.
Got my school ID card and moved into my accommodation already.
Room's still a little messed up, haven't properly packed it yet.

Just finished packing, and the feelings are creeping in more than ever.
I'll try to hold back my tears, but I don't think that I can do it.
How ='(

Thanks for all the love and listening earsssssss (I really had alot to rant LOL). As much as I want to embark on this new journey, I want everything to be the same even more. But again, I was the one who chose this route to go.

For all of my friends, please do not be dejected or anything, things will work out at the end of the day, don't give up on yourself and that is what matters the most.

Deer, thanks for all the help, care and concern that you've ever given me all these years. I can never ever thank you enough for all the help and knowledge that you've taught me. Remember to take a break whenever you are feeling stress. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
Jas, it's amusing how life works. Up to this day, I still think that it is a miracle that I'm friends with you HAHA. Thank you for persevering during your term as a VP to help me out and lending me a listening ear.

Paul, every single friend of mine matters k. Don't come and talk rubbish. Haven't been communicating much with you cause we are both busy, sometimes I seriously wonder how did we skype so frequently when you had your SIP in Thailand.

Longan, don't think you will see this but I am still thankful for all the silent sacrifices/things that you have done. It haven't been easy on you, but please take care of your health and not let it deteriorate. I want you to be as healthy as everyone else so that we can all have fun together!

I don't want to write anymore, need to keep my emotions in check. Sorry guys, to whoever is reading.

死掉算了。
This kind of shit you also want to compare since he's not doing anything. Then don't do a fuck for me, just let me die, why keep me alive and torture me. Seriously fuck it.
I didn't ask for all this but I have to suffer all these shit too.
Before you start comparing if it is fair for you, is it even fair for me.
FUCK IT. SERIOUSLY FUCK IT.

Starting to panic a little.
I need more luggage space! ARGHHHHHH OMG.
How to not bring so much thing, my goodness, gahhhhhhhhhh.
Save me, help me, ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.
My cello is already 10kg on its own. FML FML FML FMLLLLLLLLL

On a bright side, my cello has a new home =) HAHA and it's called blackie, HAHA WTS RIGHT. LIKE NONSENSE ONLY.

I'm really excited for school to start!
Can't wait to study what I like and stuffs again.
But definitely not the packing, unpacking and settling down-.-.-.-
I remember being this excited for school to start when I entered TP as well but this enthusiasm didn't last when the work came in.
HAHAHAHA.
SHITSZZXXXXXXXX