And this is why they say "the one who hurts you most are the ones that you love the most."

Though my exams are next next week, I'm already feeling the stress. Arghhhhhh. Wish me luck. Really really need loads of it. I'm scared like seriouslyyyyyyy scared. 

Once exams are over, I'll have about 2 full months + 2 months of internship (only 1 is confirmed so far, but I do hope that I get the other one as well) to enjoy. Be it travelling, chilling or just hanging out with my friends and family back in Singapore. Can't wait for it. The sun, the warm, the food, the people, the familiarity. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. But before I can get all these, I have to first get through 4 papers. I have no confidence this time. Seriously no confidence on how am I going to get through the exams. I'm really scared that I can't pass my papers which I hope that will not happen because so much money, time, feelings and everything has been invested here. I don't want all these to go to waste. But ok, I do admit that I was a little too playful for consistent work. But I promise really really really to do consistent work when I am in year 2 now that I kinda know how everything works and what is expected of me. But for now, please God, I do hope that you'll help me get through my first year without any problems.

On a random note, these few months have given me a lot of insight on the different kinds of people, the reasons for their action and things I never thought of before. 

First CNY away from home.
This will be the same for the next few years IF I get through every year successfully till the end of my degree.

Never appreciated the existence of reunion dinner but at times like this, reunion dinners can only be done with friends. Friends who I have known for barely 6 months at max.
Good and bad times, seen through a lot of pretence but having to feign ignorance.
Am glad that I found some friends that I can laugh freely with as of now, but there's more to be unveiled for now I'm having some doubts. But I guess it will be fine.
Bak kwa, pineapple tars and hei bi hiam are absolutely missed. Thankful for the few that my friends shared with me though.
Seeing snow and wrapping myself in layers of clothing for CNY and waking up at 3.30pm on Chu Yi because there's no visiting that has to be done here.

Miss going back to my home back in Singapore and just nua on my sofa and fall asleep.
Saw the pictures of my friends being at my place but not being it just made me imagined where will I be at if I'm home. Time to go back to my work.

Seeing all the pictures of you guys are making me missing the company of you guys a lot. ='/

Sleeping over at my friend's place for these few days! =)

Read this somewhere on FB posted by my friend on the internet.
You shout at one another in a heated argument even when you can be side by side because of the distance of the two hearts, to make sure that the other heart can hear your heart.
But when two hearts are close to one another, you will naturally just talk softly and gently, whisper or even not have to say anything for your messages can be communicated without having it to be said verbally.

Had alot of thoughts about this after I read it.
Received some comments from my relatives or mum's friend during the short winter break when I was back in Singapore that I am independent now, but I know that I'm not.
I wouldn't have say that I have truly learnt to be independent because I know that I'm not. Especially so if one were to judge independence based on monetary terms. I'm not even able to provide for myself.

Apart from not wanting my mum and sis to worry for me, I guess the main reason why I was able to maintain my silence and distance from my mum and sis was because I was afraid of getting hurt once more. Not that they hurt me, but because I was afraid of getting hurt even more when I have yet to recover from other injuries, which was why I refuse to place myself vulnerable, as I know that they are the ones who will be able to hurt me most greatly, which in return made me selfish.

However, I guess its changing for I now want to pull the distance of my mum's and sis's heart even closer to me. And I know, doing this will in return definitely make me be more vulnerable to getting hurt even more in the future. But I know that now is not the time for me to be selfish anymore for they are the one who deserves the most of my time. Not to forget, the care and concern that I want to give to them, will probably be the only thing I can give to them.

It used to be out of sight, out of mind. But now, I guess it's absence makes the heart fonder.

Listening to the  那些年 played by TPCO on facebook and looking at some random posts that were found when I googled my name is making me miss the times that I had in TP alot.
Not that I was shameless to google myself, but I wanted to check if googling my name will make my blog appear on the search list and if it does, I will want to get it out from the search engines.
All the hardships spent preparing the co for performances and events, coordinating with the other leaders, advisors and instructors, were all once so bittersweet.
We fought, argued, laugh and cried over the simplest things to the biggest matters.
We cringed at the awful playing, melts with the melody and bombed the beats when our parts get too boring.
I don't get to do all these here for everyone here is basically in a battlefield.
Can't help but feel sad when I think about this. Why does my life seem so sad.
Uni life shouldn't be like that, an overseas experience shouldn't be like that either.
Is it me? Or is it my environment?
What happened to true friendships.
It is true that we never appreciate things until we lose it.
I missed the times with TPCO.<3 p="p">

Shit happens.
Irritating the shit out of me.
Never felt more alone than ever.

In some sense, though it was a tough and sad thing to return to Singapore and leaving it again, I'm glad I did for I've now realise how unappreciative I have been in my past semester here.
The break and peace I have had the past few days was indeed a good one for me and I'm all ready to starting afresh again!
School's starting tomorrow but I have yet to finish my essays, good luck to me man. Hahahah.
Can't wait to wear my Dr. Martens out! =D
Yay to new boots ^^

Cheers to school so that I can have my breaks soon too! =)
PS. met a weird exchange student from NUS the day before =S have to be careful of him.

我猜， 每个人都有倒下的那么一阵子吧。
就算自己心里觉得有多么的坚强，状况来了也可能没那么坚强吧。
当一个人的心与脑无法认同，自己无法用理智来做决定，决定做的事也是否是对的。
回想起来，这阵子我的心里一直都很纳闷，很烦，一直没能好好的做自己。
一件件的小事累计着，使自己无法呼吸，无法理解，无法享受。
对身边的亲朋好友比较坚决，薄幸。
说到那，自己也觉得好惭愧，很抱歉。
我才，真正的旅程才即将要开始吧！
2013 年，让我们一起为新的一年奋斗而努力吧！

Can't help but stop thinking 'I don't want to go back!!'
Never want to stay home so badly before.
I want to be by my mum's side physically. T.T

我的痛苦又有谁会知道呢。

So much has happened in the past 13 weeks since I left for Birmingham.
Life for me has it's ups and downs, good and bad, joy and sorrow.
Made some friends, lost some friends.This is saddening but I don't know what can I do for it is not within my control.
Learnt some experiences which made me felt that all battles will be fought by myself eventually.

看到您这个样子，我的心好痛。
但我又不能说出来，不能让您操心。
您一定要答应我，勇敢和坚强的走下去，克服病魔。

有时候，我也想要有个美满的家庭。
有个老爸给我靠。
曾经拥有，那为什么要失去掉呢？

This feels like home. :')

http://tunein.com/radio/Yes-933-FM-s25609/

Down with cough, sore throat and flu.
The feeling of missing home creeps in more at times like this =(

Waiting in school now for lecture to start at 2pm.
Soooooo, life's basically alright now I guess.
Generally have everything that I need I guess, for survival and communication and stuff.
But yah, nothing beats being at home haha.
I prefer my warm sunny island. LOL, so patriotic haha.

Guess what, I would have spent a month here this coming sat!
Isn't that fast? Pretty fast isn't it?
But I bet when sch gets tough and stuff time would probably crawl or maybe during winter when it's all cold. =(

Going to london this weekend to look for huihui, fayanne, yinren and zul!
Can't wait to meet them!
Like familiar faces in a faraway land, awwwwww, awesome hahaha.
Ok, I'll update another time!

Don't know if I should continue going for orchestra practices.

Bought tickets to go to London next weekend to look for Huihui, Fayanne, Zul and Yin Ren! LOL!