I could have written an essay or maybe even a chapter about the frustrations I have since 2weeks ago till now man.
RAH

For the past whole week(till I don't know when will it stop), everytime when I feel that I am ok, something will happen to make me feel sad and troubled again.
And I hate it.
But it's not getting any better.
For now, laughing helps to hide all my feelings.
I hope this stops soon.

So much has happened today, especially in the night.
Dinner with GC ppl was pretty awesome, the food! LOL
And then for their accompaniment + understanding.

Once again..I came face to face with something which I had never been able to face truthfully ever since I was primary4.
All because of some trivial matters which actually meant so much to me that it has since caused an invisible wall within me.
And I didn't know how much of an impact it has in me to make me feel so jumpy the entire night.
All I had in me was hoping to be able to express my thanks but I didn't know how to do so.
I hope to clear my mind soon and to give confidence to myself so that I can give my best for what I choose in the end and not to regrett.

Talked it over with my mum&sis and with cy, I'm feeling much at peace now though I'm still feeling jumpy over what I should do.
Maybe I should not think so highly of myself
I don't know.
Don't know why I broke down, but it was the first for 2010. and it's because of tkd.

Life in 2010 for the past few days has been pretty normal plus average for me.
Sufficient joy to me but also unnecessary worries. Just a little.
But oh man, just as I was about to think about the happy things, I'm reminded of the things that I will be missing more instead.

2010 means ending my first year in poly, and yet starting of my second year.
Time seems to pass by quickly but yet slowly and yet it doesn't seem like a good thing but it doesn't seem like a bad thing either.
The pros and cons somehow seem to be about the same.
But one thing for sure is that I will definitely miss my seniors cum friends. Shit.
Om天, how? I feel like saying F.
But it doesn't seem appropriate.
But seriously eh! Can't imagine what life will be like without them.
Another reason of my laughter being able to survive till now is partly because of them.
Bet all of them will say life would be great not hearing my destructive laughter and nonsense and blah blah blah blah, but still..I bet they will miss me(for my rubbish)! HAHAHAHAHAHAA
With yr ys wl wt graduating, pauline away for OSIP(wtf! only way to see her is webcam?!), miaoru and pearlyn disappearing for SIP.
I don't know what will become of me.
Only left with mrchua, LOL
I should zou yi bu suan yi bu.

I think my sarcasm skills are coming back. Maybe? Haha
But I'm using it openly in class now I think.

My class was having some mini quiz competition the other day and we were spilt into two teams.
I was so irritated with some ppl's behaviour that I seriously want to comment something abt it that I said to my friend, 'Just have fun answering the questions, we can afford to lose =)'
Guess what! My teacher then said 'I sense some tension growing.' Lol
It was obvious what! Not that it was some competition or something, it was just to test our understanding, like wtf.
To think * even said 'can the other team go first before we answer our last que'
Bet * must be thinking that if we can't get more then 6points for our question * will 'cool-y' say, 'we win, don't have to answer any more ques already'
And if we succeed in doing so, * will be wanting to have a go for another que.
Loser, I call that a snob-.-


My friend said something to me the other day and my actions in class the other day.
My friend asked the other day 'eh zm, why now in class you don't laugh so much anymore ah?'
Maybe because I was tired for laughing so easily in class be it I find it amusing or even to ease the awkwardness sometimes that now I can't or simply smile unless I find something funny and worth laughing at.
And I don't see why I should laugh and probably make myself seem like a clown to others purely for their entertainment.
Plus yr say I shouldn't laugh so much in class(esp crim lessons, because apparently I think my teacher could be irritated with it if that happens too frequently).
So I should tone down, hahahhaa, not that I'm very noisy! (am i? lol)

Random thoughts for the day.
Saw the vandalised mailbox caused by some person called inkman(?) on don't know nye or nyd which turn out to be an attempt of campaigning?
Anyhow bombing of the bass during open house with ys was enjoyable today, lolsssss.
I freaking hurt myself after banging onto some board thingy on my shoulder while saying hi to my friend(full blow somemore, I don't see how I can get a cut because of it plus my shirt wasn't torn or what.)and it hurts while playing the cello just now.
I'm pretty interested in learning dizi now._.
I think I like my hair better now.
I wish for all my friends to be happy always!!!!!!!
I think I have a number of fav teachers now =D
I wish to pass my theory exam. Siansssssssssssssssssssssssss. Been 2months and 8days since I took the paper.
Had a wonderful 11hrs of sleep last night.
I need to go and sleep now!
I think I'm almost over him.

New year = new hairdo?
CUI please! lol.
I don't know lah, hahaha.
I'm happy because I got a haircut and..........I don't know...............
I look more normal with a hairband now, lol.

Watch this! HAHAHA Classic!
Taken in sec2, omg, hahahahah!
I can't help but to keep rewatching it, lol

I find myself still living in 2009.
Time seems to be too fast for me to handle. Haha
I spent my first day of 2010 with staying up till like 12pm before sleeping and then getting up for cello lessons at 7.30pm and then sleeping again and now I'm awake at such an unearthly time.

Meeting tian on the first day of 2010..I don't know if it is a good or bad thing.
She asked me this question which made me wonder what was her meaning behind that.
She asked me '你觉得七级怎么样？会不会很难?'
It started making me think if she is having regrets of teaching me or I don't know what else, I thought as if she wanted to discharge herself off me or something along that line.
But yet the one who prompted me to continue with grade7 is also her.
How contradicting is everything-.-
I feel like saying confidently that if I pass my theory I will continue, but if I fail, I will stop with my cello.
But then, I feel as if there's a waste somewhere because I didn't even put in 50% of my effort for it and it is not like I can't make it because I really can't study music.
But also, I doubt I have any talent for music-.-
What should I do man-.-

Argh, good night.
Talk about it again.
IthinkI'mlettingitgogradually.Itmaybeworking,itmaynot.Idon'tknow=/

2010!

It's 5.15am now and I'm sitting in my living room here with 11 of The People.
Hahaha, how awesome.
We spent last year's nye&nyd with each other and this year as well.
Just at a different venue.
And I think everyone's suffering from heatstroke somehow, lol.

I think we can be called The People because new year means new name! HAHA, that's tiring; to have to think of different name every year.

Going off for now, bye! Haha

Happenings for the past month

Here's some pictures of what's in my life for the past two months.

Night safari with nasco peeps
C&B chalet'09

3 batches of law students!

bbq on xmas night!

The People or the Dragonsxz? haha

tpco seniors

sis's grad day, not the oversea uni one yet.

small picnic @ pasir rissentosa with phyllis&nat
PA cello&bass peeps with Mr Chua!
a new friend that I've made, atikah(?), she's only sec1!

another new friend, wanlin!(she's a stalker, haha)

another new friend + cellist, zhiyu(he's lamer than me, can you believe that?!)taken by pauline, haha with ly's head in it

love them! what would life be like without them at PA, unimaginable =X

2009, how good was it?

2009 is coming to an end in a few days time and soon it will be 2010.
This whole year has been a pretty eventful year which gave me many new experiences which made me frustrated, happy, excited, irritated and everything.
Somehow, I'm glad that things ended the way it ended but somehow I can't help to think of what would happen if it is another way round.
Had many first-times this year, but I can't really remember much of it now and I'm lazy to bring back my memories and organise it.
Had many depressing moments in the beginning of the year and endless worries, but all have passed.
I hope that 2010 will be better and that I will be a better person too.

PA's beautiful sunday concert was finally over yesturday.
Bye to all the hours of extra CO practices and time spent there and the continuous carrying of my cello around on sat.
My saturdays will now be so empty that I bet I will feel all weird. Afterall, my saturdays has been filled with PA practices for like close to 5months?
And somehow I feel as if this will also meant lesser time spent with pauline, yuren&lihyee.
Total mix feelings whether it is a good or bad thing.
But overall, I had good memories from it and that yesturday has been a good day to end it off with much laughters despite the fact that my throat was hurting like mad, but I can't stop laughing, haha.

Yesturday also marks the end of my two weeks break from school.
Just when I feel that holidays are starting, it is ending.
How sad.
Shall post some pictures up another time.

was blog-hopping and i came upon this part talking about organising gatherings.
suddenly, i felt guilty for thinking that way.
for the friendships and memories that i got from my friends, no matter what, it is still worth the effort for arranging the meet-ups.
but i hope that this works both ways because it can't be just me thinking that way.
i should think in other's point of view too

not bad of a catch up with cy,kn,dion,qh&yl.
cy&i are definitely the best partners as compared with the rest, hahahaha.
trash them all with a score of 265 for the bball machine shooting thing XD hahahahaha

gotta catch some sleep!
will be having a busy week! =/
full of mixed feelings.

My end product for last night.

Lihyee gave me the thumbs up! =D

just finished baking some cookies!
used a recipe and the shapes turned out pretty ok, just need more care!
it's 4.30am now.
got to go and sleep, meeting the rests for breakfast tomorrow morning before payco practice at 9.30am.
that means the latest i can wake up is 8.30am.
and that means that i only have er......4hrs of sleep! OMGGGG
Nights!

btw, i walked from somewhere near tampines west cc all the way down to bedok85 and then back home from bedok85 with mandy&sarah.
how fun and amazing and i don't know. hahahahaha
see you guys soon!

Spent a couple of hours at downtown east yesturday for some catching up and gathering with c&b peeps.
It's a pity that everyone can't be there, but still, am glad that those who were there were there.
It's no secret that I miss everyone, and yes, that includes the irritating jy. HAHA
Time seem to have stop while we were chatting, playing, eating and everything which felt so familiar and nice.
Only at that moment, did I realise how much have we all grown and yes, that is what I miss; the innocence.
I wanted to stay over for the company, but because of my paper today, I couldn't stay over, sians...

Haven't had my last paper but I'm already in holiday mood.
There's so much thing that I want to do, especially meeting up/catching up.
In fact, I haven't really started my engine working yet since the last break and that is bad because my projects aren't progressing much or well.

Next up will be to go out and play, baking, studying(esp crim law, sian..), completing projects.
And I don't know. Probably reading?! lol
And oh yes, it's time I go for a swim-.-
I need to plan my 2weeks of hols properly so that I make full use of all the time. (it's likely that I won't follow it though-.-)

Bye!

I dont know what's the problem with me, but I went to start on a new drama just before mid-sem, like on friday -.-
But...I've just finished it! HAHAHAHAHAHA
At least the ending did not make me feel like I shouldn't have watched it.
And now! I have yet to study anything for tomorrow's paper, gotta run!
CHIONG AH!
Sleepless night tonight T.T

Have sufficient trust and faith.
Time will tell.

Sometimes, maybe taking the initiative will help?

omg, wtf, hashima!

My title rhymes doesn't it?

But wtf wtf!
I just had hashima for dessert just now and I went to google it to check what it was because my sis told me that it was frog mucus, my mum told me it was something from the frog, but never did I know that it was the FALLOPIAN TUBE of a FROG.
OMGOODNESS.
I can't believe I ate that down because it is so urghhhh...
I believed that it was mucus as it was like a little slimy like when I went to try it specifically instead of swallowing it down.
URGHHHHHH.

I had an awesome seafood dinner(Chilli crab!! =D) just now but all had to be spoilt with hashima!!!
Why do people on earth likes it?
It's sweet, but just the thought of it being something from a frog is disgusting enough, what's more, the fallopian tube of a frog, omgomgomgomgomg, wtfwtfwtfwtfwtf!!!!!!!!!!!

Enough about that.

Had cello this morning, and omg, I'm super tired!!!!
My lessons will be on sunday from now on, so no more of sleeping in on sunday =(
But on the bright side, these few weeks of prac was peaceful without much scoldings!! =D

Sat was PA and then night safari with nasco ppl.
Joel said that there was 6generations of nasco ppl there!
Wow! Hahaha, but there was a total of about 26 of us there. (still a pretty big group)
And we were almost stranded without any transportation back but taxi. lol
Hippos are huge, omg, I didn't know that they were SO HUGE

Fri was celebrating of gy's bday, I hope he enjoyed it though it was like nth much.
Had a really really really good talk on fri night, or maybe sat morning, till 3plus with cy.
It was awesome, haha.
I felt so much better after that, like, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I feel good and better to be myself again.
Like I have place down a heavy load to start walking again before piling things up again, LOL
And it came in time because only then was I able to laugh without feeling worn out.
All in all, I like it, haha. LOL

Weekends are over and now........another week to endure through!
For those overseas, have an awesome trip!!
School trips are normally awesome!! Hahahaha

Bye!

omg, hashima-.-

parliament visit!

Hi!
It has been a long and slightly busy week!
Impromptu speech is over, amazingly I had too much too say, actually I was totally crapping.
Went to gramercy with lihyee and I bought a new cello rosin! It's pretty, but expensive =( hahaha

Had lessons today and then off to the parliament house for some sch law stuffs.
Was so tired that I dozed off repeatedly when that lady was speaking.
Somehow, I seem to want to support the workers party now.
Moreover, my LCOMSK2 tutor is Ms SYLVIA LIM, THE NCMP and chairman of workers party!
Cool right!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that she is damn zai, haha.
Plu she's humorous, the one who suan us as much as we suan her, hahaa.
Go wiki her to find out more abt her! lol

Went to clarke quay with some of my classmates and.....all I could say is that it was a good time, shocking time and...... I don't know. haha
I hope those that are hurt will recover soon.

Gotta sleep now, my head is hurting and I need rest.
Bye!

Another class picture after so many months, everyone has changed so much since then, haha

Phyllis! Move on ok! Know that you won't see this though.

Germaine! She snipped off her hair! omg!

natasha and phyllis haha.

with sandra =)

It was my mum's birthday on the 17nov!
It was coincidentally zuxian's mum birthday as well! HAHA
Bake her a cake and sew her something, pretty ugly i think, lol.
Plus the cake was too sweet, OMG-.-

The logcake from swensen which became my mum's birthday cake, lol.

My sis, my mum and I =D
The horrible cake which I bake for my mum which was a total failure just because I used self-raising flour._.

Had orange nails today O.O
Haha, but I have removed it now because there's impromptu speech tomorrow, so I must not get penalised because of the inappropriate nails! Hahahaha

Going Gramercy tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!
No $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ D=