will i really be happy in that route?

I'm having second thoughts about staying in CO now.

Some of the reasons why I chose CO the other time was because I thought Moh and Celeste were in CO, so there would be familiar faces in CO.
But now, neither of them are joining and somehow, I don't know why am I in there for.
Also, I was thinking that by going back to CO, I won't have to spend much time for the new thing I'm taking up, and can spend the time which was suppose to be used for learning something new on my studies instead.
And I thought that it will be another platform for me to practice my cello because I got to hurry for my cello exam because I'm seriously lagging.

But, both Moh and Celeste aren't gonna be in CO and like CO is currently taking up most of my nights, I don't see why I should stay on.
Moreover, seeing other freshmen practicising salvo today made me feel like joining them too, but I have got CO, even though I place my name down for trial -.-.-.-.-.-
Seriously the thought of having not gone for any of the CCA orientation that I had wanted to attend makes me feel zzzz.
And not only did I not get to practice the pieces I was supposed to for my cello exam, I have other pieces to practice for.
And not practicing means screamings from tian and that makes me so sick of life-.-

But on the other hand, I have really nice seniors who makes me feel comfortable in CO, or rather just cello&bass alone.
I don't know if I feel comfortable in CO yet because I found out that almost half of my cello seniors has graduated and are helping out for the performance only.
And that means that currently in Dazu, there is only 3players + me.
Which is so much lesser in number as compared to when I was sec1 in nas.
Okay lah, I know that the situation is different and I shouldn't compare the orchestras like that.

And at my 1st dazu today, I was sitting beside pauline in the front row and I don't really like it because I don't know the song that they are playing and so, I played quite a number of wrong notes.
And it seem to me that I am giving the impression of being someone who doesn't know her limits.
Eg. Sitting in the front row when I can't even play well.
Maybe this all goes down to pride, but I don't like the feeling that I get from it, as if I want to overtake my seniors like some goons not knowing where they stand; when that is not the case.

How?
I'm tired.
Tired of thinking about all these unnecessary stuffs.

I'm contemplating of going down for salvo on wed because suting told me that once we write our name down, we're in for salvo, which means though I didn't go for orientation I can still try it out and see if I'm interested in it.
But that will mean that I will most like be giving cello practices on wed a miss though it's not yet confirmed, but most likely that's the case.
And pon-ing really isn't my thing, it seem irresponsible of me to be doing that, and I don't like being irresponsible; though I am irresponsible sometimes I think.
Moreover, the performance is on next tue&wed, like wth, this is the fastest every formal performance I have prepared for.
And I think we don't make the standard yet and here I am thinking of skipping practices.
WTH is this man, kns.