I took 49mins to type a simple letter in chinese that is only 10 sentences long.
Totally what the .............
Letter writing has never been so tough for me.
Not even those letters that we drafted in class have used up these much of my brain cells.
And I'm totally exhausted now lol.

Nights

Sometimes I tend to not know what am I doing and I get lost.
I don't know what am I doing.

Just like why I was practicing my cello just now cause I missed it suddenly.
But yet again, when at CS this morning, I didnt feel like playing at all. Like I was just playing for the sake of playing and I don't feel happy playing.

I don't know what am I thinking.

On a sidenote, after the long wait and rewatching of the movies from book 1-6, I've finally watched hp 7 part 2 last night! and I like it alot.
The ending might be crap, I mean as compared to the entire movie, but nonetheless, I still like it very much.
Others may say that it wasn't as good as expected, but because I didn't set any expectations for it, so I'm satisfied with it. And I'm veryyy sad that it ended just like that. Felt like a part of me just died/ended like that.
All the time spent waiting for the books to be out, reading the books, over and again for don't know how many times, getting emotional over the contents of a book, yes, the book where Dumbledore died  first taught me how to have emotions. LOL.
Farewell to my first true love. LOL

it's a happy day today!
even though we helped in a veryyyyyyy small way like just helping to cut the cakes for the folks, i'm glad i did that because i didn't get to do that for my grandma.
and it feels good to serve them in any manner to thank them for staying strong.

bought a new school bag for myself! haha it's been 4 years since i last bought a backpack for myself! hahaha
andddddd i'm changing specs soon! nothing fascinating but yah, haha.

byeeeeeeee

A

Am still trying to convince myself that I made the right choice.
I knew it would be tough, but I never expected it to be hurtful.
I don't want to fight on anymore because I feel that it ain't worth my effort.
I know if I hang on and look back next time, I would be so glad that I survive through.
But the problem now is to even hang on.
But one thing I can't deny is that without these assholes, I wouldn't be aware of how many awesomes are there around me.

My mum asked me, 'why you so young also got to think so much ah?'
Honestly speaking, I don't know either.
Sometimes I will start wondering what will my life be like now if I hadn't join any cca and just go to school, do tutorials, play, and everything else but cca.

Just when I thought I could relax just a little after my submission on monday, my next submission on 11jul is pushing my project mates and I up the wall.
We've just started on our project today because we didn't had the time to previously.
And everyone is all feeling antsy already.
Together with other tutorials and whatsoever, life couldn't get betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I need time to get away and recuperate mentally because everything seem so blur now.
I need to think of plan B, C, D, etc..just in case plan A doesn't work out.
And I think I'm dying soon. LOL.

PA's concert is finally overrrrrrrrr!!!!!
My nightmare is all over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel sooooo happy and relieved that it's over.
Like I no longer have a duty to commit myself to PA practices because the performance is over and I can use the time to finish other of my work without being so exhausted mentally and emotionally.

It all seem very fast actually. Haha, 10 practices with PA gone just like that.
Though it was like torturous because of the short time we had to practice for the concert..but it was still a good experience because welllll...I think in someway or another I've improved even though I don't know where. But yah, you get my point.
Plus, some people made the experience bearable and fun. So yah..loads of nerve-wrecking moments though.

After every song ended, all that came to my mind was, a song lesser to the end of my nightmare! And when it came to the last song, I felt so relieved that I've survived through and that after this, no one will notice me anymore. That is if there was anyone who noticed lah lol.
Can't helped but grinned like an idiot to jasmine when we finished playing the last song. So much that even having to play the encore piece and another piece didn't matter to us at all. Hahaha

I can't help but to tear a little after the concert as well because I couldn't help it. Haha it was like tears of joy and relief I guessed?
Like I managed to survive through this ordeal. I was seriously under quite an amount of pressure because even though we only had little time to practice the songs, I didn't want to perform too badly at a concert because afterall, our actions will affect the organisation as well. Plus I guess the expectations I had for myself to meet at least gave me the pressured.

For now, it's time for bed and a good rest before I wake up tomorrow and face up to other projects I have on hand for sch and co.
Amazingly, instead of wanting to stay away from my cello, I actually am even more tempted to practice my cello pieces and to work on it and resume cello lessons soon.

GOOD NIGHT!

I can say I had a veryyyyyy interesting birthday. LOL
Had celebrations which started since sunday.
In this sense, I can say that I am veryyyyyyy lucky.
I must have accumulated alot of good karma! But I hope all these doesn't end just like that. Hahah
I don't want bad things to happen. I will work hard! Hahaha

Ok, I won't say that I spent my birthday in the WOW kinda celebrations or what, but it was amazing in it's own ways lol.
I was surprised, speechless, amazed and kinda everything. Haha.
Thanks to all my friends who gave me such an experience! Hahaha. And for someone, a SHOCK.
Crazy, I can never forget the shock the larsen strings gave me. Too much too much *shakes head*

Thanks weilin for the lunch! and cake! and randomness!
Thanks to the monsters for the birthday dinner and blue shirt LOL!
Thanks to jas for the lifetime guarantee pen!
Thanks to wanling, shihui, clams, junjie, kinren, jasmine, shiyan for the random surprise and cupcakes and dinner.
Thanks to weilin, shihui, wanting for the day spent!
Thanks to all the birthday greetings that I received, FB kinda killed me with so many notifications LOL.

Thanks to pa for draining my night-.-

I'm now officially nineteen, don't feel as if I'm nineteen! LOL I still feel as childish as ever.
But I can definitely feel the workload and responsibilities getting heavier.
My next wish is that everyone will always be safe and do well in whatever they do.
Let me keep my third wish for myself.
Haha.

This year, I have nothing to wish for but just to wish that everyone I know will be happy and that life will at least be better for them.
I'm not almighty, but I want people that I care for to be happy.

I'm left with 2 more wishes.

Sorry I can't help it but I'm feeling so proud of myself LOL.
Let me brag lah k, since it's the first time I feel so proud of myself and since it is my blog anyway. LOL

One firm emailed me to go for an interview next monday, I was soooooo tempted to say ok I will go, but I can't cause I have already accepted the offer from a firm.
Plus, by going for the interview, I'm also depriving others for a position in that firm.
So I had to decline the firm's offer.

And then after lunch, another firm called me saying that I have secured a place in that firm already and that I have to come down for a briefing on Thur. The person on the phone even emphasis that I got a position and not an interview in the firm.
I was like huh?! How come secure already? I never even go for interview or what, why they anyhow secure me, how do I tell them? (Because we were previously told that we can't hold on to 2 positions if not we will get into trouble cause the firms will be unhappy)
I was like okkkk but I had to reject them cause I'm attached to another firm already. Siannnnn.

Then I went to submit my declaration form to my teacher and he went
m - 'ohhh...you went for the interview at their firm already? Mr W conducted the interview is it?'
zm - yah..i went for the interview on sat...
m - hmm..he can be quite a difficult person..*smiles*
zm - huh really? he seem quite ok during the interview..
m - he didn't give you any trouble during the interview?
zm - nope.
m - oh well, ok have fun there during your sip there! *laughs*

Jialatttttttt. Am I going to get hell for my sip?!?!? Lolll.
I'm kinda anticipating for SIP to start because I want to see what challenges will I face.. But at the same time I'm like, I hope it isn't a difficult firm! Lol.

And then I called my mum to tell her about it and she said that the firm that offered me a position is actually a big firm and I'm kinda thinking like huh..I just gave up the chance of working in a big firm, although the one I accepted is a medium but well-established firm.
And the firm(not the one I accepted) starts work only at 9am and not 8.30am and it's at city hall, which means that it is nearer, plus I can take bus 518 and stop straight outside. Plus that firm accepts 2 interns which meant that I would have someone to accompany me (but that isn't really an issue cause alot other firms accept 1 interns only also, so I won't die of being alone)

The only consolation I can tell myself now is that the one I accepted pays higher and that I was comfortable with the office when I went for interview. Siannnnnn, did I miss out like on a real good deal??? =/

Have I shared my story of my interview with you?
I would like to if I haven't! Haha, because I bet I had one of the best experience ever.
But I'm too lazy to type it out here, so give me a call! And we'll chat LOL.
Ok, ignore my random-ness.

I can just say I was veryyyyyyyyyyyy happy when I knew that I was offered a place in one of the firms! Haha
Because this is kinda like the first time I prepared a proper resume and cover letter and even attending a proper job interview, and to my pleasure, be offered a place of which I am satisfied with the working environment!

Well, SIP hasn't started for me, so I don't know how will it be like working there, but at least, it is something that I am looking forward to!
Even though working hours will be from 8.30am-6pm, I will still gladly wake up for work because I'm finally reaching the phase that I have been anticipating since the day I entered my course.
And also...because there were 2 other candidates before me, I actually feel proud of myself for securing this place as it wasn't a situation whereby I got the job without any competition.
Sorry lah, can't help but to unleash the competitiveness in me lol.

And I hope that my mentor will be the one who interviewed me because he is interestingly interesting enough. Haha

Just a random note.
It has already been 6 years and 3 months since I had my cello! Isn't that so amazing!?
Hahaha like 6 years just passed like that and I have been having this cello in my home for 6 years!

And to think that I once left it alone in the corner of my house for 2 years and used the cello that I brought home from nas instead despite the inconvenience just because my cello's bridge was too high that it hurts after playing awhile.
I've also got use to being an obstruction in public with my cello for 6 years! LOL
This is all so unbelievableeeeeee. Hahaha

But sadly, after 6 years, my standard is only like that. Nothing amazing.
But still.... I'm very amazed by the fact that my cello is 6 years old already! hahahaha

I had a kinda fun yet crazy yet exhausting weekend!
Had food poisoning since tue night all the way till sat.
Just when I thought I was better on thur, I WAS WRONG.
That was in fact the worst I've felt.
And one freaking trip to CGH in the wee hours was only 1/10 the cost as compared to the consultation plus medication fee.
Crazyyyyyy. How is this affordable healthcare?!

Anyway, so yah, spent thur and friday at home and I felt that I was staying home wayyyyy too long already.
And then sun was madness cause a few of us had to prepare for a last minute performance and omgggggggg.
I feel so sorry that I didn't get to play my best but too much fear overcomed me already! so exposed! so quiet! so cold! so scary! and everything!
And I'm never going to wear contacts when practicing cello again anymore cause I realise that my eyes gets too complacent and lazy that it's getting clear vision wherever it looks that it causes my brain to not even focus-.-
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry yuren! lol.
The onlyyyyyyyy thing I can hope for is that no one saw through my smoking skills apart from ourselves but I don't know.
So embarrassingggg. Hais.
I hope that they will have a very happy wedding though!
HAHAHAH I THINK THIS STATEMENT OF MINE MAKES IT SEEM AS IF YUREN IS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED LOL!

I got my retribution for I was haunted by the song the entire night!!!!!!
Because I was soooo tired that I wanted to sleep awhile and study throughout cause I haven't studied a thing for my test today which was 20% and it was my least confident subject!
No, it's actually the ONLY law subject that I'm so afraid of so far.
Tossed and turned in bed from 1230-430, it was NO JOKE I tell you.
I think I was like either possessed by the song or what.
The moment I close my eyes, the song played, I even went to the extend to tell myself to stop playing the song in my head and that it will soften and finally disappear as I slowly count down.
The amazing thing was that it did quieten down!
But everytime I reach 0, it starts playing again.
Wahhhhhhh my brain was even more exhausted because of that man!

And cause of that I was so tired when I was supposed to wake up that I slept till 730 before chionging my studies for my test in less than 12hrs time. Siao one.
Practically killed myself.

Anyway, it's time to chiong crim by thur morning. DIE DIE MUST CHIONG OUT.
Another 20% -.-.-.-.-
How can I buy more time, seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Purpose for blogging - I don't know.

I don't know what am I doing with my life now.
Lol. Everyday is just lectures, tutorials, lab,, projects, co and tkd.
I don't even know what I want to blog about because there is nothing interesting about my life to blog about.
Everyday, I'm just doing the duties and work that I have to do, come home to get enough rest to continue the routine the next day.
And when I go out and play, I feel guilty for not studying.
Woahhh, saw that?! Zengmei feels guilty for not studying! Like serioussssssssss?!

I'm looking forward to july when I believe that my schedule should be less hectic.
And I can't wait to apply for SIP despite all the jitters that I will get from it. Haha

Take Care Ms Lim!

Apart from Ms Foo, Ms Lim is another teacher of mine whom I will hold dearly to my heart.

They are both great individuals who are incomparable and I will never forget how they have changed my life.

I hope that they will be strong and happy as how they have been no matter how tough life gets for them in the future.

Hi Paul, wanted to leave you a tag but I don't know how to.
You know in that pic of yours, I see the word fatigue written all over our faces. LOL

No matter what happens, as long as we faces it upfrontly, nothing will be too much for us to handle.

Even though we've experienced it before, we probably get too complacent and forgets what it felt like before. Nevertheless, A wake up call is never too late just like how the opposition is becoming a crisis or threat to the majority now.

And the irony was, it wasn't exactly a fight. I have to remind myself to be more honest with myself and never to take things for granted.

And tell you what, I went to cut my hair today lol! And I think that it's a little too short lol!

Bye!

Even though I know that there are problems now in the comm, I'm cool with it for I know that I am not alone.
For that reason alone, it is sufficient to keep me going for I know that at the end of the day, my efforts will be a change in some aspect. Be it people, opinions or anything!

On a side note, school has started just 2 weeks ago but I feel as if I have gone through like probably a month into the term already?
Guess that I've been staying in school for too many hours hahahaha.
I can't wait for applying to my SIP firms and stuffs! (Although I think that everything is gonna be soooooo troublesome)
The time that I have waited for since 2 years ago is finally here!
Maybe when SIP starts for me, I will really start complaining for I have never exactly worked in the law area before.
But no matter what, I will take it as it is for this is what I chose for myself.

Can't get more positive than anything now.
Till I meet CPA or Civ pro which will make me sink back down again, hahaha.
Goodnight!

Knowing what you want in life doesn't help much when you're feeling scared.

You guys never fail to annoy the fuck out of me seriously-.-
Thanks ah, for your 'returning to school gift'.
First, you give me troubles.
Second, you waste my time.
Now, you give me your shit.
Fucking annoyed. Seriously.
Problematic fucktards.

Alottttt of things happened this week.
From the training camp to receiving results to chiong-ing programme booklet to interviewing the new main comm to making a decision to packing my stuffs.
Though its nothing much, but these stuffs has put me through alot of thinking, lol.
It's pretty simple actually, but I just had to complicate matters.
Loads of feelings within me now, with mostly being scared to excited.

All it takes is just a flight to and fro from UK and I'll soon feel that I'm all alone even though I know I'm not.
And then I will have to deal with the fact that yes, the seniors are graduating.
My seniors who have turned into my friends more than my seniors.

But no matter what, I believe that our concert will be a success.
Be it performing to a group of 80ppl or more, because everyone has work together to put up the concert as a team, it is a success.