Hi Jas,
If you see this, remember this, stop stressing yourself up with the result, just give it your best shot and accepts what come towards you. Stop worrying. All the best! (Y) <3 p="">
Friday, September 05, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
Sunday, July 06, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Dear Diary,
It's been long since I've taken a real and proper break away from life. So much has happened in the past 2 years of my life that it seem just yesturday that I've graduated from TP.
Two years, two long years indeed. Turmoils, adventures, life lessons.
It's been eventful; tried out many things that I've never thought that I'll do, nothing illegal though (duhhhh).
Drink, drank, drunk; Been there, done that. (Literally.)
As compared to the youthful and willful me back then, I feel that I've changed quite a bit.
I'm not sure if these changes of mine are for the better or for the worse, though some of it are quite regretful, but I'm thankful for the changes because I've learnt invaluable lessons to make me not take life for granted.
The world is a nice place. It is the people who lives in it that makes it a wonderful or horrid place to live in.
Because of the things that everyone has to deal with in life, that molded the way they react to things that happens around them.
Some judged people, some fear being judged.
At the end of the day, being a judgmental person doesn't help because life's too short.
Why bother holding other's opinions of you so tightly when that person is of no value and significance to your life. They'll never fully understand life until they've experienced it.
Because of all that has happened, I've learnt that the more we try to keep things in our control, the harder we'll break when our plans fail us.
Saying that, I'm not saying that I'm going to just live life as it is and waste my life away.
I'm just saying that there's too many things that can potentially fall out of our control due to external factors which may or may not affect us internally.
And just because things fall out of our control, it doesn't mean that it's the end, for life is all about taking chances.
As we pave our individual stories, we'll learn invaluable lessons; no matter its significance.
At the end of each chapter, it will all end with a proper closure.
As for my studies, this break is not a closure, but merely a break away from it. Though this path of mine isn't one typically taken, especially with the standards that every Singaporean is following, I believe that this will do me good. The journey ahead will be tough, but a midst the bitterness will I find sweetness. When things are already at the bottom for me, this just meant that what's left will just get better for nothing can be worse.
May 2014 be a better year for everyone.
With love,
Abigail.
It's been long since I've taken a real and proper break away from life. So much has happened in the past 2 years of my life that it seem just yesturday that I've graduated from TP.
Two years, two long years indeed. Turmoils, adventures, life lessons.
It's been eventful; tried out many things that I've never thought that I'll do, nothing illegal though (duhhhh).
Drink, drank, drunk; Been there, done that. (Literally.)
As compared to the youthful and willful me back then, I feel that I've changed quite a bit.
I'm not sure if these changes of mine are for the better or for the worse, though some of it are quite regretful, but I'm thankful for the changes because I've learnt invaluable lessons to make me not take life for granted.
The world is a nice place. It is the people who lives in it that makes it a wonderful or horrid place to live in.
Because of the things that everyone has to deal with in life, that molded the way they react to things that happens around them.
Some judged people, some fear being judged.
At the end of the day, being a judgmental person doesn't help because life's too short.
Why bother holding other's opinions of you so tightly when that person is of no value and significance to your life. They'll never fully understand life until they've experienced it.
Because of all that has happened, I've learnt that the more we try to keep things in our control, the harder we'll break when our plans fail us.
Saying that, I'm not saying that I'm going to just live life as it is and waste my life away.
I'm just saying that there's too many things that can potentially fall out of our control due to external factors which may or may not affect us internally.
And just because things fall out of our control, it doesn't mean that it's the end, for life is all about taking chances.
As we pave our individual stories, we'll learn invaluable lessons; no matter its significance.
At the end of each chapter, it will all end with a proper closure.
As for my studies, this break is not a closure, but merely a break away from it. Though this path of mine isn't one typically taken, especially with the standards that every Singaporean is following, I believe that this will do me good. The journey ahead will be tough, but a midst the bitterness will I find sweetness. When things are already at the bottom for me, this just meant that what's left will just get better for nothing can be worse.
May 2014 be a better year for everyone.
With love,
Abigail.
Monday, January 06, 2014
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Every child takes upon their parent either by characteristics or lifestyle habits.
I guess the reason why I am who I am now was because I never had anyone to accompany me since young.
By accompanying, that is to say study with me, eat with me, play with me and other normal daily activities. That is why I'm always out, looking for activities to keep me occupied. For I guess that was what I taught myself to shield myself away from the loneliness monster.
My mum, sis and dad never had time for me.
They were mostly occupied with work and just work.
They never wanted to waste time (which we could also say spend time in a nicer manner) playing with me. If they were to bring me out or anything, it will always be for a purpose.
For example, I have to go for abacus classes, tkd classes, get groceries, go out for dinner because no one is cooking.
Maybe this is why I always need to know what am I going to do and where am I going to feel secure and to know what will I be encountering.
Saying that, always being out has exposed me to a great variety of people, which I've learnt since young to never trust anyone easily.
And maybe that's the reason why I used to be very quiet and reserved with my actions.
However, I was fortunate enough to meet some really great people in my life to show me that kindness is everywhere and comes in every single form.
I believe that I am actually an introverted person, for that was what I am until secondary 2 where circumstances forced me to force myself to appear to be an extroverted person.
I guess the change was good, but I know that that's just my form of self defense.
Now that things have changed, I have to change the way I react to my environment.
But is it really necessary?
That is what I loathe about life.
Just as you were adapting to things, life changes.
I guess, this is also what makes life interesting.
I guess the reason why I am who I am now was because I never had anyone to accompany me since young.
By accompanying, that is to say study with me, eat with me, play with me and other normal daily activities. That is why I'm always out, looking for activities to keep me occupied. For I guess that was what I taught myself to shield myself away from the loneliness monster.
My mum, sis and dad never had time for me.
They were mostly occupied with work and just work.
They never wanted to waste time (which we could also say spend time in a nicer manner) playing with me. If they were to bring me out or anything, it will always be for a purpose.
For example, I have to go for abacus classes, tkd classes, get groceries, go out for dinner because no one is cooking.
Maybe this is why I always need to know what am I going to do and where am I going to feel secure and to know what will I be encountering.
Saying that, always being out has exposed me to a great variety of people, which I've learnt since young to never trust anyone easily.
And maybe that's the reason why I used to be very quiet and reserved with my actions.
However, I was fortunate enough to meet some really great people in my life to show me that kindness is everywhere and comes in every single form.
I believe that I am actually an introverted person, for that was what I am until secondary 2 where circumstances forced me to force myself to appear to be an extroverted person.
I guess the change was good, but I know that that's just my form of self defense.
Now that things have changed, I have to change the way I react to my environment.
But is it really necessary?
That is what I loathe about life.
Just as you were adapting to things, life changes.
I guess, this is also what makes life interesting.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Just watched Hachiko on the train back to London from Paris. The show is saddening.
Tried to hold in my tears but the emotions that were invoked while watching the movie was too overwhelming.
The feelings and relationship that has been established between the owner and Hachi is something that is so rare.
How often do you see such loyalty between humans, needless to say about humans and animals.
Tried to hold in my tears but the emotions that were invoked while watching the movie was too overwhelming.
The feelings and relationship that has been established between the owner and Hachi is something that is so rare.
How often do you see such loyalty between humans, needless to say about humans and animals.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Turning 21
It's my turn to be 21 now after celebrating so many other's 21st.
As compared to a year ago, my life has changed a lot.
My surroundings have also changed quite a fair bit.
As I'm typing now, I'm situated in a rented apartment in France.
Who would have thought that I would be so far away from home a year later doing things I never once thought I would do.
With all the thoughts streaming past my mind, I can't help but think of all the what-ifs.
Whenever I wanna drown myself in self pity, a part of me will pull me out of it and remind me of all the other things in life that I should be grateful for.
Sometimes, I feel that even though I'm only 21, I've been through all the stuffs that some others would not even go through in their life in the future. Because of the circumstances that I'm in, I'm forced to mature even faster then I'm supposed to. But does this means that I'm lacking in a lot of other stuffs since I'm not experiencing what others should be experiencing at this age?
Nonetheless, I'm thankful for having all the blessings, concern and love from all my friends and family. They are the ones who fills the gaps in my heart. Thanks for always being there for me.
As compared to a year ago, my life has changed a lot.
My surroundings have also changed quite a fair bit.
As I'm typing now, I'm situated in a rented apartment in France.
Who would have thought that I would be so far away from home a year later doing things I never once thought I would do.
With all the thoughts streaming past my mind, I can't help but think of all the what-ifs.
Whenever I wanna drown myself in self pity, a part of me will pull me out of it and remind me of all the other things in life that I should be grateful for.
Sometimes, I feel that even though I'm only 21, I've been through all the stuffs that some others would not even go through in their life in the future. Because of the circumstances that I'm in, I'm forced to mature even faster then I'm supposed to. But does this means that I'm lacking in a lot of other stuffs since I'm not experiencing what others should be experiencing at this age?
Nonetheless, I'm thankful for having all the blessings, concern and love from all my friends and family. They are the ones who fills the gaps in my heart. Thanks for always being there for me.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Though my exams are next next week, I'm already feeling the stress. Arghhhhhh. Wish me luck. Really really need loads of it. I'm scared like seriouslyyyyyyy scared.
Once exams are over, I'll have about 2 full months + 2 months of internship (only 1 is confirmed so far, but I do hope that I get the other one as well) to enjoy. Be it travelling, chilling or just hanging out with my friends and family back in Singapore. Can't wait for it. The sun, the warm, the food, the people, the familiarity. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. But before I can get all these, I have to first get through 4 papers. I have no confidence this time. Seriously no confidence on how am I going to get through the exams. I'm really scared that I can't pass my papers which I hope that will not happen because so much money, time, feelings and everything has been invested here. I don't want all these to go to waste. But ok, I do admit that I was a little too playful for consistent work. But I promise really really really to do consistent work when I am in year 2 now that I kinda know how everything works and what is expected of me. But for now, please God, I do hope that you'll help me get through my first year without any problems.
On a random note, these few months have given me a lot of insight on the different kinds of people, the reasons for their action and things I never thought of before.
On a random note, these few months have given me a lot of insight on the different kinds of people, the reasons for their action and things I never thought of before.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
First CNY away from home.
This will be the same for the next few years IF I get through every year successfully till the end of my degree.
Never appreciated the existence of reunion dinner but at times like this, reunion dinners can only be done with friends. Friends who I have known for barely 6 months at max.
Good and bad times, seen through a lot of pretence but having to feign ignorance.
Am glad that I found some friends that I can laugh freely with as of now, but there's more to be unveiled for now I'm having some doubts. But I guess it will be fine.
Bak kwa, pineapple tars and hei bi hiam are absolutely missed. Thankful for the few that my friends shared with me though.
Seeing snow and wrapping myself in layers of clothing for CNY and waking up at 3.30pm on Chu Yi because there's no visiting that has to be done here.
Miss going back to my home back in Singapore and just nua on my sofa and fall asleep.
Saw the pictures of my friends being at my place but not being it just made me imagined where will I be at if I'm home. Time to go back to my work.
This will be the same for the next few years IF I get through every year successfully till the end of my degree.
Never appreciated the existence of reunion dinner but at times like this, reunion dinners can only be done with friends. Friends who I have known for barely 6 months at max.
Good and bad times, seen through a lot of pretence but having to feign ignorance.
Am glad that I found some friends that I can laugh freely with as of now, but there's more to be unveiled for now I'm having some doubts. But I guess it will be fine.
Bak kwa, pineapple tars and hei bi hiam are absolutely missed. Thankful for the few that my friends shared with me though.
Seeing snow and wrapping myself in layers of clothing for CNY and waking up at 3.30pm on Chu Yi because there's no visiting that has to be done here.
Miss going back to my home back in Singapore and just nua on my sofa and fall asleep.
Saw the pictures of my friends being at my place but not being it just made me imagined where will I be at if I'm home. Time to go back to my work.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Read this somewhere on FB posted by my friend on the internet.
You shout at one another in a heated argument even when you can be side by side because of the distance of the two hearts, to make sure that the other heart can hear your heart.
But when two hearts are close to one another, you will naturally just talk softly and gently, whisper or even not have to say anything for your messages can be communicated without having it to be said verbally.
Had alot of thoughts about this after I read it.
Received some comments from my relatives or mum's friend during the short winter break when I was back in Singapore that I am independent now, but I know that I'm not.
I wouldn't have say that I have truly learnt to be independent because I know that I'm not. Especially so if one were to judge independence based on monetary terms. I'm not even able to provide for myself.
Apart from not wanting my mum and sis to worry for me, I guess the main reason why I was able to maintain my silence and distance from my mum and sis was because I was afraid of getting hurt once more. Not that they hurt me, but because I was afraid of getting hurt even more when I have yet to recover from other injuries, which was why I refuse to place myself vulnerable, as I know that they are the ones who will be able to hurt me most greatly, which in return made me selfish.
However, I guess its changing for I now want to pull the distance of my mum's and sis's heart even closer to me. And I know, doing this will in return definitely make me be more vulnerable to getting hurt even more in the future. But I know that now is not the time for me to be selfish anymore for they are the one who deserves the most of my time. Not to forget, the care and concern that I want to give to them, will probably be the only thing I can give to them.
It used to be out of sight, out of mind. But now, I guess it's absence makes the heart fonder.
You shout at one another in a heated argument even when you can be side by side because of the distance of the two hearts, to make sure that the other heart can hear your heart.
But when two hearts are close to one another, you will naturally just talk softly and gently, whisper or even not have to say anything for your messages can be communicated without having it to be said verbally.
Had alot of thoughts about this after I read it.
Received some comments from my relatives or mum's friend during the short winter break when I was back in Singapore that I am independent now, but I know that I'm not.
I wouldn't have say that I have truly learnt to be independent because I know that I'm not. Especially so if one were to judge independence based on monetary terms. I'm not even able to provide for myself.
Apart from not wanting my mum and sis to worry for me, I guess the main reason why I was able to maintain my silence and distance from my mum and sis was because I was afraid of getting hurt once more. Not that they hurt me, but because I was afraid of getting hurt even more when I have yet to recover from other injuries, which was why I refuse to place myself vulnerable, as I know that they are the ones who will be able to hurt me most greatly, which in return made me selfish.
However, I guess its changing for I now want to pull the distance of my mum's and sis's heart even closer to me. And I know, doing this will in return definitely make me be more vulnerable to getting hurt even more in the future. But I know that now is not the time for me to be selfish anymore for they are the one who deserves the most of my time. Not to forget, the care and concern that I want to give to them, will probably be the only thing I can give to them.
It used to be out of sight, out of mind. But now, I guess it's absence makes the heart fonder.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Listening to the 那些年 played by TPCO on facebook and looking at some random posts that were found when I googled my name is making me miss the times that I had in TP alot.
Not that I was shameless to google myself, but I wanted to check if googling my name will make my blog appear on the search list and if it does, I will want to get it out from the search engines.
All the hardships spent preparing the co for performances and events, coordinating with the other leaders, advisors and instructors, were all once so bittersweet.
We fought, argued, laugh and cried over the simplest things to the biggest matters.
We cringed at the awful playing, melts with the melody and bombed the beats when our parts get too boring.
I don't get to do all these here for everyone here is basically in a battlefield.
Can't help but feel sad when I think about this. Why does my life seem so sad.
Uni life shouldn't be like that, an overseas experience shouldn't be like that either.
Is it me? Or is it my environment?
What happened to true friendships.
It is true that we never appreciate things until we lose it.
I missed the times with TPCO.<3 p="p">
Not that I was shameless to google myself, but I wanted to check if googling my name will make my blog appear on the search list and if it does, I will want to get it out from the search engines.
All the hardships spent preparing the co for performances and events, coordinating with the other leaders, advisors and instructors, were all once so bittersweet.
We fought, argued, laugh and cried over the simplest things to the biggest matters.
We cringed at the awful playing, melts with the melody and bombed the beats when our parts get too boring.
I don't get to do all these here for everyone here is basically in a battlefield.
Can't help but feel sad when I think about this. Why does my life seem so sad.
Uni life shouldn't be like that, an overseas experience shouldn't be like that either.
Is it me? Or is it my environment?
What happened to true friendships.
It is true that we never appreciate things until we lose it.
I missed the times with TPCO.<3 p="p">
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Sunday, January 06, 2013
In some sense, though it was a tough and sad thing to return to Singapore and leaving it again, I'm glad I did for I've now realise how unappreciative I have been in my past semester here.
The break and peace I have had the past few days was indeed a good one for me and I'm all ready to starting afresh again!
School's starting tomorrow but I have yet to finish my essays, good luck to me man. Hahahah.
Can't wait to wear my Dr. Martens out! =D
Yay to new boots ^^
Cheers to school so that I can have my breaks soon too! =)
PS. met a weird exchange student from NUS the day before =S have to be careful of him.
The break and peace I have had the past few days was indeed a good one for me and I'm all ready to starting afresh again!
School's starting tomorrow but I have yet to finish my essays, good luck to me man. Hahahah.
Can't wait to wear my Dr. Martens out! =D
Yay to new boots ^^
Cheers to school so that I can have my breaks soon too! =)
PS. met a weird exchange student from NUS the day before =S have to be careful of him.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
So much has happened in the past 13 weeks since I left for Birmingham.
Life for me has it's ups and downs, good and bad, joy and sorrow.
Made some friends, lost some friends.This is saddening but I don't know what can I do for it is not within my control.
Learnt some experiences which made me felt that all battles will be fought by myself eventually.
看到您这个样子，我的心好痛。
但我又不能说出来，不能让您操心。
您一定要答应我，勇敢和坚强的走下去，克服病魔。
Life for me has it's ups and downs, good and bad, joy and sorrow.
Made some friends, lost some friends.This is saddening but I don't know what can I do for it is not within my control.
Learnt some experiences which made me felt that all battles will be fought by myself eventually.
看到您这个样子，我的心好痛。
但我又不能说出来，不能让您操心。
您一定要答应我，勇敢和坚强的走下去，克服病魔。
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
Waiting in school now for lecture to start at 2pm.
Soooooo, life's basically alright now I guess.
Generally have everything that I need I guess, for survival and communication and stuff.
But yah, nothing beats being at home haha.
I prefer my warm sunny island. LOL, so patriotic haha.
Guess what, I would have spent a month here this coming sat!
Isn't that fast? Pretty fast isn't it?
But I bet when sch gets tough and stuff time would probably crawl or maybe during winter when it's all cold. =(
Going to london this weekend to look for huihui, fayanne, yinren and zul!
Can't wait to meet them!
Like familiar faces in a faraway land, awwwwww, awesome hahaha.
Ok, I'll update another time!
Soooooo, life's basically alright now I guess.
Generally have everything that I need I guess, for survival and communication and stuff.
But yah, nothing beats being at home haha.
I prefer my warm sunny island. LOL, so patriotic haha.
Guess what, I would have spent a month here this coming sat!
Isn't that fast? Pretty fast isn't it?
But I bet when sch gets tough and stuff time would probably crawl or maybe during winter when it's all cold. =(
Going to london this weekend to look for huihui, fayanne, yinren and zul!
Can't wait to meet them!
Like familiar faces in a faraway land, awwwwww, awesome hahaha.
Ok, I'll update another time!
Thursday, October 04, 2012
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Just finished packing, and the feelings are creeping in more than ever.
I'll try to hold back my tears, but I don't think that I can do it.
How ='(
Thanks for all the love and listening earsssssss (I really had alot to rant LOL). As much as I want to embark on this new journey, I want everything to be the same even more. But again, I was the one who chose this route to go.
For all of my friends, please do not be dejected or anything, things will work out at the end of the day, don't give up on yourself and that is what matters the most.
Deer, thanks for all the help, care and concern that you've ever given me all these years. I can never ever thank you enough for all the help and knowledge that you've taught me. Remember to take a break whenever you are feeling stress. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
Jas, it's amusing how life works. Up to this day, I still think that it is a miracle that I'm friends with you HAHA. Thank you for persevering during your term as a VP to help me out and lending me a listening ear.
Paul, every single friend of mine matters k. Don't come and talk rubbish. Haven't been communicating much with you cause we are both busy, sometimes I seriously wonder how did we skype so frequently when you had your SIP in Thailand.
Longan, don't think you will see this but I am still thankful for all the silent sacrifices/things that you have done. It haven't been easy on you, but please take care of your health and not let it deteriorate. I want you to be as healthy as everyone else so that we can all have fun together!
I don't want to write anymore, need to keep my emotions in check. Sorry guys, to whoever is reading.
I'll try to hold back my tears, but I don't think that I can do it.
How ='(
Thanks for all the love and listening earsssssss (I really had alot to rant LOL). As much as I want to embark on this new journey, I want everything to be the same even more. But again, I was the one who chose this route to go.
For all of my friends, please do not be dejected or anything, things will work out at the end of the day, don't give up on yourself and that is what matters the most.
Deer, thanks for all the help, care and concern that you've ever given me all these years. I can never ever thank you enough for all the help and knowledge that you've taught me. Remember to take a break whenever you are feeling stress. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
Jas, it's amusing how life works. Up to this day, I still think that it is a miracle that I'm friends with you HAHA. Thank you for persevering during your term as a VP to help me out and lending me a listening ear.
Paul, every single friend of mine matters k. Don't come and talk rubbish. Haven't been communicating much with you cause we are both busy, sometimes I seriously wonder how did we skype so frequently when you had your SIP in Thailand.
Longan, don't think you will see this but I am still thankful for all the silent sacrifices/things that you have done. It haven't been easy on you, but please take care of your health and not let it deteriorate. I want you to be as healthy as everyone else so that we can all have fun together!
I don't want to write anymore, need to keep my emotions in check. Sorry guys, to whoever is reading.
Friday, September 14, 2012
死掉算了。
This kind of shit you also want to compare since he's not doing anything. Then don't do a fuck for me, just let me die, why keep me alive and torture me. Seriously fuck it.
I didn't ask for all this but I have to suffer all these shit too.
Before you start comparing if it is fair for you, is it even fair for me.
FUCK IT. SERIOUSLY FUCK IT.
This kind of shit you also want to compare since he's not doing anything. Then don't do a fuck for me, just let me die, why keep me alive and torture me. Seriously fuck it.
I didn't ask for all this but I have to suffer all these shit too.
Before you start comparing if it is fair for you, is it even fair for me.
FUCK IT. SERIOUSLY FUCK IT.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Starting to panic a little.
I need more luggage space! ARGHHHHHH OMG.
How to not bring so much thing, my goodness, gahhhhhhhhhh.
Save me, help me, ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.
My cello is already 10kg on its own. FML FML FML FMLLLLLLLLL
On a bright side, my cello has a new home =) HAHA and it's called blackie, HAHA WTS RIGHT. LIKE NONSENSE ONLY.
I'm really excited for school to start!
Can't wait to study what I like and stuffs again.
But definitely not the packing, unpacking and settling down-.-.-.-
I remember being this excited for school to start when I entered TP as well but this enthusiasm didn't last when the work came in.
HAHAHAHA.
SHITSZZXXXXXXXX
I need more luggage space! ARGHHHHHH OMG.
How to not bring so much thing, my goodness, gahhhhhhhhhh.
Save me, help me, ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.
My cello is already 10kg on its own. FML FML FML FMLLLLLLLLL
On a bright side, my cello has a new home =) HAHA and it's called blackie, HAHA WTS RIGHT. LIKE NONSENSE ONLY.
I'm really excited for school to start!
Can't wait to study what I like and stuffs again.
But definitely not the packing, unpacking and settling down-.-.-.-
I remember being this excited for school to start when I entered TP as well but this enthusiasm didn't last when the work came in.
HAHAHAHA.
SHITSZZXXXXXXXX
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Never liked helping people who don't want to/can't be bothered to help themselves.
Don't say I never rendered help when you chose to see it as unimportant.
That's why I say I'm the kind of friend that you have to let me know if you need my help, because how will I know when is my help wanted/unwanted.
Don't say I never rendered help when you chose to see it as unimportant.
That's why I say I'm the kind of friend that you have to let me know if you need my help, because how will I know when is my help wanted/unwanted.
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Caught Brave with my mum and sis.
Felt that it was a really meaningful movie.
I don't know if it is because I will be going away for my studies soon that is making me so emotional, but I don't want to leave my mum and sis in Singapore.
I asked my mum what if I don't want to go for my studies anymore, can I?
She didn't answer my question.
"Mother will always be there for you"
Felt that it was a really meaningful movie.
I don't know if it is because I will be going away for my studies soon that is making me so emotional, but I don't want to leave my mum and sis in Singapore.
I asked my mum what if I don't want to go for my studies anymore, can I?
She didn't answer my question.
"Mother will always be there for you"
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Reallyyyyy excited to start school and meet new peeps.
I hope everything will go smoothly and turn out fine.
But at the same time, I dread the walk to school (can't even use my phone, can't walk alone, can't take a bus if I'm feeling lazy because there's no bus to take at all), the laundry and the cooking.
I hope everything will go smoothly and turn out fine.
But at the same time, I dread the walk to school (can't even use my phone, can't walk alone, can't take a bus if I'm feeling lazy because there's no bus to take at all), the laundry and the cooking.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Worried about my accommodation now. =/
What I thought was settled is now unsettled.
Went to research more on the accommodation offer I had and I realise that the offer I had is pretty far away from school and I feel that the room looks a little dark/creepy.
I hope to get an offer from Tennis Court because I would like that better and it is more convenient as it is nearer to the bus stop.
And if I don't get an offer from Tennis Court, do I reject Elgar Court's offer and try to source for accommodation in private sectors on my own? =/
What I thought was settled is now unsettled.
Went to research more on the accommodation offer I had and I realise that the offer I had is pretty far away from school and I feel that the room looks a little dark/creepy.
I hope to get an offer from Tennis Court because I would like that better and it is more convenient as it is nearer to the bus stop.
And if I don't get an offer from Tennis Court, do I reject Elgar Court's offer and try to source for accommodation in private sectors on my own? =/
Monday, August 06, 2012
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Despite all the nonsense I am facing, I am still thankful for what I have.
Things can really really really be very annoying at times though, but I should still be grateful for all the other things that are right.
One week left till my cello exam. That's it.
I have been touching my cello more frequently but not frequently enough to master the things that I need to for my cello exam.
I'm really the master of procrastination. I can just laze one whole day around saying that I will practice later later and later and that later never comes-.-
I shall try and go all out for it this remaining 1 week so that I have no rooms for regret. At least for this 1 week left.
I know that my teacher is worried, and I'm sorry for being so lazy.
I guess my break really comes after 6 aug then.
I'm thankful for all the help I got from deer though!
Can never thank her enough for the help she has offered me in music.
Been missing out on outings and whatsoever, pretty sad that I have to sacrifice those for now.
But I think this is when I have to make a choice and prioritise things that are more crucial at different points of time.
If I fail my cello exam (which I hope that will never happen), I might not have the opportunity to retake it because who knows what will happen when I am in uni.
Will I have the time to practice? Will I get the opportunity to? Will I be able to find another orchestra to play in?
So I hope that I will be able to pass it and at least let things end nicely even if this really has to be the end of it.
There were a few times when I was seriously contemplating if I should change my degree along the way if my interest changes suddenly or something =/
But again, the ability to do so is another thing.
I'll try to get back whatever I've forgo during this period after 6 aug.
Things can really really really be very annoying at times though, but I should still be grateful for all the other things that are right.
One week left till my cello exam. That's it.
I have been touching my cello more frequently but not frequently enough to master the things that I need to for my cello exam.
I'm really the master of procrastination. I can just laze one whole day around saying that I will practice later later and later and that later never comes-.-
I shall try and go all out for it this remaining 1 week so that I have no rooms for regret. At least for this 1 week left.
I know that my teacher is worried, and I'm sorry for being so lazy.
I guess my break really comes after 6 aug then.
I'm thankful for all the help I got from deer though!
Can never thank her enough for the help she has offered me in music.
Been missing out on outings and whatsoever, pretty sad that I have to sacrifice those for now.
But I think this is when I have to make a choice and prioritise things that are more crucial at different points of time.
If I fail my cello exam (which I hope that will never happen), I might not have the opportunity to retake it because who knows what will happen when I am in uni.
Will I have the time to practice? Will I get the opportunity to? Will I be able to find another orchestra to play in?
So I hope that I will be able to pass it and at least let things end nicely even if this really has to be the end of it.
There were a few times when I was seriously contemplating if I should change my degree along the way if my interest changes suddenly or something =/
But again, the ability to do so is another thing.
I'll try to get back whatever I've forgo during this period after 6 aug.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
不知道为什么，心里一直平静不下来。
对这次的演出，有很多的感触。
Never have I thought that I will feel like this towards SY.
I once thought of giving it a try, but when things didn't turn out very pleasant the first time, I kinda told myself to just survive through it for the sake of doing so.
Somehow, some way and somewhat along the way, I guess things changed.
I got used to how it is like to interact with the cello/bass peeps and I'm kinda grateful that they are there during practices because nonetheless, they have provided me with accompaniment in some way or another.
This will probably be the last concert that I will be performing with all of them as the next SY concert in sept will be an ensemble one and not everyone is performing for it.
Since end Jan till now, it's been about 6-7 months.
To call this period of time short, it aren't exactly short but it isn't very long either. For a place where hardly any bonding has been done, it is already surprising for me to have feelings towards them.
Nonetheless, I've learnt and improved during the short time there.
A fellow member asked if I will be joining SY next year.
To be honest, I won't mind joining it again because of the experience and exposure that I will gain.
But whether they will want me back in is another thing.
I can't even make it for the audition, not to mention that I won't be able to make it for the practices although I will be able to make it for the concert.
说起来，还真有点舍不得。
Another part of me is feeling scared because I guess this is reminding me of the fact that yes, July is coming to an end.
Not only does it mean that August (cello exam) is coming, but that also meant that September is creeping by soon enough.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to cope with all these emotions.
When people questioned me about what made me so daring to apply to study overseas, it wasn't a matter of being daring to me, it was more of a matter of pursuing what I want and I have to survive through it no matter what.
But at the same time, I'm starting to feel scared being all alone. =/
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Still overwhelmed by the surprise!
Too overwhelming!
To think that I had one of the biggest surprises when I thought I knew of the surprises and kept spoiling the plan at the very very very very last minute!
I don't know what was going on in my mind but I was pleasantly surprised.
In a state of shock now! LOL
Got to start torturing my fingers in return for all the joy for the past 2 days!
Too overwhelming!
To think that I had one of the biggest surprises when I thought I knew of the surprises and kept spoiling the plan at the very very very very last minute!
I don't know what was going on in my mind but I was pleasantly surprised.
In a state of shock now! LOL
Got to start torturing my fingers in return for all the joy for the past 2 days!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Feels good to be meeting the dragonsxz again.
As childish as the name may be, this is what we are when we are with each other and this is what we appreciate of each other.
Time seriously flew past so quickly that I had to go even before I knew it.
I'm sorry that I haven't been able to meet them often recently and I hope that they understand.
Let's meet again soon and I'll definitely put the entire day out for you guys.
As childish as the name may be, this is what we are when we are with each other and this is what we appreciate of each other.
Time seriously flew past so quickly that I had to go even before I knew it.
I'm sorry that I haven't been able to meet them often recently and I hope that they understand.
Let's meet again soon and I'll definitely put the entire day out for you guys.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Monday, July 02, 2012
Just a random thought as I see this kid on the mrt playing the iPad with a lady which I suppose is her mum.
To the kid, she barely knows anything and anyone in the world and her mum is probably her everything.
While her mum definitely has other commitments and stuffs.
However, her mum unconditionally gave up everything including her world for the kid.
Years down the road when the kid is all grown up with their life filled up with other activities, her mum is no longer her world and her everything.
Now, is this fair for her mum who has given up everything for her daughter?
Performing together again with the rest as NASCO alumni was indeed awesome.
We might all have gone on separate ways and have different playing styles and habits, but nonetheless, being able to play together again as a team is wonderful.
I've already participated in 2 Tapestry as an alumni.
I guess this will also probably be the last Tapestry that I will be taking part in for there will be more and more graduates as time goes by, so these chances should definitely go to the juniors.
Afterall, who knows what will become of us 2 years later and where will we be.
We might all have gone on separate ways and have different playing styles and habits, but nonetheless, being able to play together again as a team is wonderful.
Afterall, this is where most of us started picking up cello.
No matter where we will be in the future, this fact doesn't change.
Without this CO, we would never have started our journey with cello and never have got to know one another.
No matter where we will be in the future, this fact doesn't change.
Without this CO, we would never have started our journey with cello and never have got to know one another.
I've already participated in 2 Tapestry as an alumni.
I guess this will also probably be the last Tapestry that I will be taking part in for there will be more and more graduates as time goes by, so these chances should definitely go to the juniors.
Afterall, who knows what will become of us 2 years later and where will we be.
就算有多么的不舍, it is probably time for this chapter to come to an end..
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Impromptu half day trip to JB with Mr Cheng, Shihui, Yuren and Weiqi amidst the week filled with practices.
Got away from the bustling city to think and ponder about life, go on a tour, eat, relax, enjoy each other's accompaniment, learn new stuffs.
Sometimes life just amazes me with the way it works.
Got away from the bustling city to think and ponder about life, go on a tour, eat, relax, enjoy each other's accompaniment, learn new stuffs.
Sometimes life just amazes me with the way it works.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Saturday, June 02, 2012
我什么都不要，我只想消失掉。
Enough with those crap of making me a better/stronger person.
I know what I'm going through is nothing as compared to those less fortunate, but that's not the point.
The point is, why do I have to go through all these.
If only this is just a piece of glass, I will smash it till there's no visible remains of it.
Yes, I am that violent and so what about that.
Sometimes I just hate being able to think on both sides.
Deep down, I'm still just a kid.
Enough with those crap of making me a better/stronger person.
I know what I'm going through is nothing as compared to those less fortunate, but that's not the point.
The point is, why do I have to go through all these.
If only this is just a piece of glass, I will smash it till there's no visible remains of it.
Yes, I am that violent and so what about that.
Sometimes I just hate being able to think on both sides.
Deep down, I'm still just a kid.
I'm hating this seriously.
I'm not the one in the wrong, but I'm getting the shit out of the mess between you guys.
Seriously, fuck this shit.
I'm feeling the angst, telling you what is the right thing to do, and there you are defending that bitch who is not doing her job well.
Who cares if she's your friend, if she can't do it well, she's out.
If you want my opinion and want me to check the work, make sure that the amendments I made are done, if you don't want to do it, DON'T ask for my opinions in the first place.
I know I'm not absolutely right, but I'm definitely qualified.
Don't say that we can't communicate when you're shutting me out whenever I say something that displeases your ears.
Don't blame me for walking away because when that happens, it means that I can't take it anymore and that's the last you'll see of me.
I'm not the one in the wrong, but I'm getting the shit out of the mess between you guys.
Seriously, fuck this shit.
I'm feeling the angst, telling you what is the right thing to do, and there you are defending that bitch who is not doing her job well.
Who cares if she's your friend, if she can't do it well, she's out.
If you want my opinion and want me to check the work, make sure that the amendments I made are done, if you don't want to do it, DON'T ask for my opinions in the first place.
I know I'm not absolutely right, but I'm definitely qualified.
Don't say that we can't communicate when you're shutting me out whenever I say something that displeases your ears.
Don't blame me for walking away because when that happens, it means that I can't take it anymore and that's the last you'll see of me.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Looking at my accommodation and other whatsoever on the web has just increased the amount of doubts I have in me.
Studying overseas has never crossed my mind until I was in poly. Even so, it was just a mere consideration.
Now that I have to start preparing for it, there are just some insecurities in me and I don't know how to describe those feelings.
I've been too much of a people person that I think that I'm afraid to live alone.
I'm afraid of losing what I have now.
Studying abroad should be something exciting! But why am I overtaken by all these fears.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
University of Birmingham has replied to say that they will be offering me a place in the Law programme in their school.
This is like a dream come true for me.
For I know that I am once again one step closer to attaining my dreams, just like how it was like when I knew that I was in TP's law and management course.
But amidst these joy, I cried. I didn't know the reason for the tears, but it definitely wasn't tears of joy.
I sensed uncertainty, sadness, fear and other negative feelings in those tears.
I feel that there has been so many unfinished stuffs on my part and I can't put my mind at ease to leave. It's not like I am never ever coming back, but it feels that these unfinished stuffs can't wait.
I don't know if it's right for me to go now, or should I wait till it's over before I go.
But when will I know when will these unfinished business be over?
Is it selfish or right of me to go and pursue my dreams at this critical point.
All along, I knew that there were more than just my cello stuffs that is bogging me, but I didn't know exactly what other matters were keeping me so fidgety.
Only now, after a small discussion with my mum, did I realise that she was my biggest worry.
Yes, I am worried of my mum.
Despite her experiences in life, she is still my biggest worry.
I won't be able to protect her when I'm in such a faraway land, what's more with the time difference.
I don't want to ask her to stay up and accommodate to my time if she needs my help because she will be tired, but she wouldn't want to disturb me either, so she won't approach me even if she need help.
I feel like a paper that has been scratched and torn into strips.
This is like a dream come true for me.
For I know that I am once again one step closer to attaining my dreams, just like how it was like when I knew that I was in TP's law and management course.
But amidst these joy, I cried. I didn't know the reason for the tears, but it definitely wasn't tears of joy.
I sensed uncertainty, sadness, fear and other negative feelings in those tears.
I feel that there has been so many unfinished stuffs on my part and I can't put my mind at ease to leave. It's not like I am never ever coming back, but it feels that these unfinished stuffs can't wait.
I don't know if it's right for me to go now, or should I wait till it's over before I go.
But when will I know when will these unfinished business be over?
Is it selfish or right of me to go and pursue my dreams at this critical point.
All along, I knew that there were more than just my cello stuffs that is bogging me, but I didn't know exactly what other matters were keeping me so fidgety.
Only now, after a small discussion with my mum, did I realise that she was my biggest worry.
Yes, I am worried of my mum.
Despite her experiences in life, she is still my biggest worry.
I won't be able to protect her when I'm in such a faraway land, what's more with the time difference.
I don't want to ask her to stay up and accommodate to my time if she needs my help because she will be tired, but she wouldn't want to disturb me either, so she won't approach me even if she need help.
I feel like a paper that has been scratched and torn into strips.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
It has been 4 years since my grandmother departed; 14 years since my grandfather departed.
Apart from the very dream I had of her days after her cremation which I woke up in tears, I haven't dreamt about her all these years.
Not that I don't want to or if I'm heartless, but she probably didn't want to appear in my dreams.
Out of nowhere, I dreamt of her suddenly last night.
During the dream, there were loads of fuzzy feelings going on and off.
But ultimately, she brought us all warmth and happiness.
Something that none of my uncles or aunts has been able to accomplished so easily and naturally.
Apart from the very dream I had of her days after her cremation which I woke up in tears, I haven't dreamt about her all these years.
Not that I don't want to or if I'm heartless, but she probably didn't want to appear in my dreams.
Out of nowhere, I dreamt of her suddenly last night.
During the dream, there were loads of fuzzy feelings going on and off.
But ultimately, she brought us all warmth and happiness.
Something that none of my uncles or aunts has been able to accomplished so easily and naturally.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Can't help but to question myself why am I doing what am I doing now.
Why should I not do what I am doing now?
Where will it lead me to?
What if I don't continue with what I am doing now?
Will I have regrets in the future?
What if it is the actions of mine now that make me regret in the future?
What am I going to do with it in the future?
How is it going to interfere in my future?
Too many who, what, where, when, how.
Why should I not do what I am doing now?
Where will it lead me to?
What if I don't continue with what I am doing now?
Will I have regrets in the future?
What if it is the actions of mine now that make me regret in the future?
What am I going to do with it in the future?
How is it going to interfere in my future?
Too many who, what, where, when, how.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Kinda disappointed with myself for making mistakes that I don't normally make during practices.
Like seriously?! My nervous-ness got the better over me -.-
Feel that I kinda 对不起陈老师 for those stupid mistakes that I made.
Another concert down.
Let's hope that things will get more enjoyable.
I'm not interested in playing politics.
I just want to play my cello peacefully and happily lol.
Like seriously?! My nervous-ness got the better over me -.-
Feel that I kinda 对不起陈老师 for those stupid mistakes that I made.
Another concert down.
Let's hope that things will get more enjoyable.
I'm not interested in playing politics.
I just want to play my cello peacefully and happily lol.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Exams results are out; I did not get my gpa of 3.
Since I didn't meet the conditional offer, I will now have to wait for the universities to reply me if they would still accept me as a student.
TPCO concert is finally over.
Two major worries over.
But I don't feel as relief as I thought I will be.
I don't know why, but I guess 2 years of comm life in TPCO has made me developed some feelings for them even though it can be very frustrating at times.
Not to forget, the many awesome friendships that I found in there which I definitely couldn't find in my course (at least for my batch).
Though alot of things has happened this past AY, I'm glad that things ended on a good note last night.
The committee has indeed been through alot of obstacles with people resigning at the start, keeping everyone's morale going etc.
There were plenty of down moments, but there were definitely pleasant moments as well.
Without this concert, I would not have got to know my cello members better, a little regretful that I didn't get to know them better earlier, sectionals would be so much better for them. I believe Mr Chua misses those times where everyone jokes and work hard together. But as the saying goes, better late than never.
I'd probably not accomplished what I wanted to accomplished for the CO when I started out this AY and I'd probably not been the best leader that I thought I could have been for the members. But I've definitely done what I could have done given the situation I am in. Nonetheless, problematic they can be, I'm still proud of every single one of them for putting aside whatever grudges they have to help ensure that the concert proceeds smoothly.
We may not play the hardest or most interesting songs you can find around, but the very least we did was to give the audience a relaxing night with our concert which I believed was attained.
I'm thankful for all the help and cooperation that was rendered to me from the members, alumni, instructors and everyone else during my term (not like I've stepped down, but handover day isn't exactly very far away.).
Without all these, I won't have been able to complete my term with the orchestra.
For all the things I couldn't fight for the orchestra, I'm sorry.
As compared to a Zengmei who I was in 2009, I've definitely learnt alot from the orchestra be it mentally or in terms of my cello skills. I have definitely never expect myself to be so involved with TPCO lol.
One very important thing that held me through this term was to "never look back". There were many occasions where I'd look back and ponder; "what if I haven't done this/taken on the position, life would be so much easier", but what done is done, I can't undo my decision, what I can do is to be forward looking instead and to rectify the problem instead of lamenting because no one can help me if I don't help myself.
Going back to studio 9&10 will now be a total different feeling and I'm not sure if I can deal with it. Afterall, it was my second home for 3years. Lol..
Since I didn't meet the conditional offer, I will now have to wait for the universities to reply me if they would still accept me as a student.
TPCO concert is finally over.
Two major worries over.
But I don't feel as relief as I thought I will be.
I don't know why, but I guess 2 years of comm life in TPCO has made me developed some feelings for them even though it can be very frustrating at times.
Not to forget, the many awesome friendships that I found in there which I definitely couldn't find in my course (at least for my batch).
Though alot of things has happened this past AY, I'm glad that things ended on a good note last night.
The committee has indeed been through alot of obstacles with people resigning at the start, keeping everyone's morale going etc.
There were plenty of down moments, but there were definitely pleasant moments as well.
Without this concert, I would not have got to know my cello members better, a little regretful that I didn't get to know them better earlier, sectionals would be so much better for them. I believe Mr Chua misses those times where everyone jokes and work hard together. But as the saying goes, better late than never.
I'd probably not accomplished what I wanted to accomplished for the CO when I started out this AY and I'd probably not been the best leader that I thought I could have been for the members. But I've definitely done what I could have done given the situation I am in. Nonetheless, problematic they can be, I'm still proud of every single one of them for putting aside whatever grudges they have to help ensure that the concert proceeds smoothly.
We may not play the hardest or most interesting songs you can find around, but the very least we did was to give the audience a relaxing night with our concert which I believed was attained.
I'm thankful for all the help and cooperation that was rendered to me from the members, alumni, instructors and everyone else during my term (not like I've stepped down, but handover day isn't exactly very far away.).
Without all these, I won't have been able to complete my term with the orchestra.
For all the things I couldn't fight for the orchestra, I'm sorry.
As compared to a Zengmei who I was in 2009, I've definitely learnt alot from the orchestra be it mentally or in terms of my cello skills. I have definitely never expect myself to be so involved with TPCO lol.
One very important thing that held me through this term was to "never look back". There were many occasions where I'd look back and ponder; "what if I haven't done this/taken on the position, life would be so much easier", but what done is done, I can't undo my decision, what I can do is to be forward looking instead and to rectify the problem instead of lamenting because no one can help me if I don't help myself.
Going back to studio 9&10 will now be a total different feeling and I'm not sure if I can deal with it. Afterall, it was my second home for 3years. Lol..
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Had a short meet-up/coffee session with my primary school English teacher!
It's been 8 years since I last saw her!
We were always talking about meeting up some day but we never did because of the clash in schedules.
I was really excited in meeting her even though we haven't met for so long.
Imagine the awkwardness that could have possibly occurred!
Surprisingly, we had a lot to talk about.. And it was really funny looking back on how we simply disobeyed her and realizing the importance of it now.
She was like "See, I told you guys back then, but you guys didn't want to listen to me, now then you see the usefulness of it!"
I don't know if she shrank or did I grow so much that she feels so... normal.. She feels more of a friend to me than a teacher now..and it feels really awesome to
be able to see her again..
The last we saw each other was on the day when we had to go back to school to collect our results and I was thinking that I will never get to see her ever again..
Meeting her again feels so magical. Haha.
I hope to see her again soon!
It's been 8 years since I last saw her!
We were always talking about meeting up some day but we never did because of the clash in schedules.
I was really excited in meeting her even though we haven't met for so long.
Imagine the awkwardness that could have possibly occurred!
Surprisingly, we had a lot to talk about.. And it was really funny looking back on how we simply disobeyed her and realizing the importance of it now.
She was like "See, I told you guys back then, but you guys didn't want to listen to me, now then you see the usefulness of it!"
I don't know if she shrank or did I grow so much that she feels so... normal.. She feels more of a friend to me than a teacher now..and it feels really awesome to
be able to see her again..
The last we saw each other was on the day when we had to go back to school to collect our results and I was thinking that I will never get to see her ever again..
Meeting her again feels so magical. Haha.
I hope to see her again soon!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Monday, March 05, 2012
Sometimes I can't help but feel, seriously what am I fighting for?
Why do I bother fighting against Fayanne so that this concert can go on, when they don't even take pride in coming for the practices diligently to put up a presentable concert and doing their own duty well as a performer.
I know this isn't fair for those who attends practice diligently and try to do their best for the concert.
But the negative forces are too overwhelming, more than the positive forces in quantity.
For all the time I have spent in fighting for those who don't even deserves it, all these time could jolly well be put into better uses.
I know this isn't the time to be demoralise because I have no time to be demoralised, I should take the time to see how I can make things work instead.
But all these nonsenses are really getting the toll on me.
If the problems are solely from co only, it's ok, I can deal with it for I know it will be over soon.
But I can't even find peace at home.
This is awful and I hate this.
If my disappearance can cause all these problems to cease, I will gladly do so.
So what am I suppose to do to make things right, or can I just amputate off my shoulders.
Why do I bother fighting against Fayanne so that this concert can go on, when they don't even take pride in coming for the practices diligently to put up a presentable concert and doing their own duty well as a performer.
I know this isn't fair for those who attends practice diligently and try to do their best for the concert.
But the negative forces are too overwhelming, more than the positive forces in quantity.
For all the time I have spent in fighting for those who don't even deserves it, all these time could jolly well be put into better uses.
I know this isn't the time to be demoralise because I have no time to be demoralised, I should take the time to see how I can make things work instead.
But all these nonsenses are really getting the toll on me.
If the problems are solely from co only, it's ok, I can deal with it for I know it will be over soon.
But I can't even find peace at home.
This is awful and I hate this.
If my disappearance can cause all these problems to cease, I will gladly do so.
So what am I suppose to do to make things right, or can I just amputate off my shoulders.
I really really really like 陈老师 alot.
I hope that I will not have to stop cello lessons from her. Or at least, attain what she wants of me before I stop.
The feelings I have for her is different from all the feelings I have for my previous cello teachers.
I like all my previous teachers but the feelings for them are just different.
Tian Ling gave me my skills, the start of my journey in cello.
Mr Chua helped to build up my foundation and trained up my ears (but my ears still need more trainings lol)
But 陈老师 teaches me more than all these.
I think I will be very sad when that day comes.
I hope that I will not have to stop cello lessons from her. Or at least, attain what she wants of me before I stop.
The feelings I have for her is different from all the feelings I have for my previous cello teachers.
I like all my previous teachers but the feelings for them are just different.
Tian Ling gave me my skills, the start of my journey in cello.
Mr Chua helped to build up my foundation and trained up my ears (but my ears still need more trainings lol)
But 陈老师 teaches me more than all these.
I think I will be very sad when that day comes.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Something is wrong with me somewhere.
I lost my appetite for food.
4hrs of sleep becomes sufficient for me when it was never enough ever since year 2.
I lost interest in doing anything apart from playing cello occasionally.
I just feel like sleeping and never waking up. =/
On a sidenote, she must make me angry and fight with her before I leave then she happy is it. Zzzz
And to whoever who is reading this, come and watch tpco concert on 17 March 2012 at TP's Auditorium 1 at 7.30pm if you can leh. Help me with my ticket sales.. =/ ask your friends or whoever to come also, just help me clear my tickets for me to win my battle. Lol
I lost my appetite for food.
4hrs of sleep becomes sufficient for me when it was never enough ever since year 2.
I lost interest in doing anything apart from playing cello occasionally.
I just feel like sleeping and never waking up. =/
On a sidenote, she must make me angry and fight with her before I leave then she happy is it. Zzzz
And to whoever who is reading this, come and watch tpco concert on 17 March 2012 at TP's Auditorium 1 at 7.30pm if you can leh. Help me with my ticket sales.. =/ ask your friends or whoever to come also, just help me clear my tickets for me to win my battle. Lol
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Just when I was losing directions of what I wanted to do, I had a continuation of various dreams in a 1hr nap.
The angst I felt in it when there was unfairness, the joy I got when things were put right, the excitement I had in the midst of the preparations and everything else, tells me that yes, this is what I want even though I know the future gonna be tough.
The angst I felt in it when there was unfairness, the joy I got when things were put right, the excitement I had in the midst of the preparations and everything else, tells me that yes, this is what I want even though I know the future gonna be tough.
Friday, February 17, 2012
So this is how it feels like being greeted by someone else whom you thought they would not have greeted because they didn't know you well.
It doesn't matter if your actions doesn't get recognised for there will be people who appreciates what you have done. And when news of those gets to you, the satisfaction that you get from it is greater and bigger than getting publicly recognised.
Because of these people, its makes all the work and effort put in worthwhile.
It doesn't matter if your actions doesn't get recognised for there will be people who appreciates what you have done. And when news of those gets to you, the satisfaction that you get from it is greater and bigger than getting publicly recognised.
Because of these people, its makes all the work and effort put in worthwhile.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Advance Civil Procedure Test first thing in the morning.
Made alot of careless mistake, damnnnnnnn. Seriously, I'm very worried for my results this semester.
Decided to take some time off today to do things that I like or have not done in a long time.
Skimmed through 90 practice pieces (some of them are really short) and a little of bach.
And now, it's back to doing work.
That's a little crazy for me, but I don't feel any improvement after that. Faillllll lol.
And then I decided bake for fun, I wanted to decorate the cake properly, but I was too lazy to take out the piping bag to frost the cake properly and here it is, ugly-.- Can't even see the shape. Lol.
And now, it's back to doing work.
12 more schooling days.
Friday, February 03, 2012
Our IP teacher has kindly extended the dateline for our IP project, which has savedddddd my life man.
Hahaha. Though yes, the suffering is extended, but at least I have some time to rest and to understand what I am doing.
Submissions, tutorials, submissions, and never ending tutorials are almost coming to an end..
Had lunch with my coursemates today and we started talking more about things other than projects and I felt that we have been blinded to our surroundings completely.
Everyone else in school are like slowly having their lunch, enjoying and slacking before the start of their next tutorial.
It's been so long since we last did that.
And now.. we are left with only 28days to experience the last of our times as a student in TP.
Kinda heart-warming and mind boggling at the same time because we are having a love-hate relationship with it now.
Hahaha. Though yes, the suffering is extended, but at least I have some time to rest and to understand what I am doing.
Submissions, tutorials, submissions, and never ending tutorials are almost coming to an end..
Had lunch with my coursemates today and we started talking more about things other than projects and I felt that we have been blinded to our surroundings completely.
Everyone else in school are like slowly having their lunch, enjoying and slacking before the start of their next tutorial.
It's been so long since we last did that.
And now.. we are left with only 28days to experience the last of our times as a student in TP.
Kinda heart-warming and mind boggling at the same time because we are having a love-hate relationship with it now.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Waiting for the day where..
I will be sitting down reading a book with a cup of tea anytime I want to;
I can play the cello anytime when I want to without having to stress how much time I have left before I need to do other stuffs;
I can go and meet anyone I like for lunch or tea or dinner (I can travel anywhere to look for them since I will be free);
I can go and swim or run or play any games I want to;
I can watch any amount or dramas I want to;
I can bake anything I want to; and
etc...
It's been too long since I had some time for myself and for me to really give my full attention to people who matters to me.
I will be sitting down reading a book with a cup of tea anytime I want to;
I can play the cello anytime when I want to without having to stress how much time I have left before I need to do other stuffs;
I can go and meet anyone I like for lunch or tea or dinner (I can travel anywhere to look for them since I will be free);
I can go and swim or run or play any games I want to;
I can watch any amount or dramas I want to;
I can bake anything I want to; and
etc...
It's been too long since I had some time for myself and for me to really give my full attention to people who matters to me.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Life's good for now!
Ok, it's only now..... things will change in a few hours time when I get back to doing my work-.-
I feel so happy to just sit on the sofa and strum my cello away (i know it's not a guitar, listening to it just makes me happy lol.)
I need some time alone to get to know my new beloved better.
Come to think of it, my life has been very fast paced since this AY started!
Haven't had a good break.
Exams timetable are out.
I will be having my last paper in TP on 1st March 2012!
This is soooooo awesome.
All these while, I have been seeing stuffs about graduation day for 3 batches, and now, it's finally my turn!!
I'm pretty excited for it!
It's like finallyyyyyy you know! Hahaha.
Its not that I dislike my course or what, but I believe it just feels awesome to graduate.
Like you're accomplishing something to move on to another part of your life. (though the future is actually pretty daunting!)
My friends have already started counting down.
40 days till we are unoffical graduates of TP! hahah! =D
Ok, it's only now..... things will change in a few hours time when I get back to doing my work-.-
I feel so happy to just sit on the sofa and strum my cello away (i know it's not a guitar, listening to it just makes me happy lol.)
I need some time alone to get to know my new beloved better.
Come to think of it, my life has been very fast paced since this AY started!
Haven't had a good break.
Exams timetable are out.
I will be having my last paper in TP on 1st March 2012!
This is soooooo awesome.
All these while, I have been seeing stuffs about graduation day for 3 batches, and now, it's finally my turn!!
I'm pretty excited for it!
It's like finallyyyyyy you know! Hahaha.
Its not that I dislike my course or what, but I believe it just feels awesome to graduate.
Like you're accomplishing something to move on to another part of your life. (though the future is actually pretty daunting!)
My friends have already started counting down.
40 days till we are unoffical graduates of TP! hahah! =D
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
This is crazy, I'm crazy.
I use to call my cello "it" and now I'm starting to refer to my cello as "him".
So I've bought a new cello today, well, cause my teacher kinda want/advise me to change it to improve further.
And I thought, if I'm continuing cello further, maybe it's time to invest in another cello.
I don't know how far I will go in it because..to be honest, I don't think I'm talented in it lah, LOL, if I am I would have long been somewhere else (I don't know where though lol), and not stucked with this kinda skill. But I'm just going to go and see how far I can go with it.
I'm actually thinking what should I name my 2nd cello. I'm too confused over who is the current cello now, so I will refer them to 1st and 2nd. My 1st cello isn't my old cello yet cause I have yet to start using my 2nd cello officially. And I think that my 1st cello is actually angry with me for getting the 2nd cello.
It's like saying to me "you already have me, why are you getting a new one? since you have your new cello, don't touch me, go to your new one, we will never be the same again.."
This is really eccentric of me. I have never thought that I would ever say this, cause when I see people talking to their pet, I'm like, "crazy, it's just a pet, how do you know what it thinks"
And now, I'm worst, I'm thinking of what a DEAD object feels.
But I really feel something for it LOL.
I feel sad now cause my excitement for having a new cello can't beat the sadness of parting with my 1st cello lol. But at the same time, my 1st cello is like angry with me, and my 2nd cello isn't exactly mine yet cause I am not used to it. So technically, it feels like I don't have any cello belonging to me now when I have both of it at home now. The irony.
I should go and sleep now to first nurse myself back to health.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
First SY practice for the year and the first time in my life. lol
Probably the only year I will be in there as well, haha, kinda sad ah? Others like normally continue a few years one los. lol, but nevermind it's for the experience.
Who would have expected that I will be in SY one day, lol, I mean even I do not see myself in SY.
So basically, I was feeling "why am I doing this to myself, having to carry cello to school every monday and occasionally on thursday from now on.".
Trip down to Tanjung Pagar now has a different meaning. I now no longer go there for SIP but for practice and it was kinda weird.
Having to sit at the front row was like T.T because lihyee told me that if I went early, I can book the back seats, but apparently, I still got the front seat somehow-.-
I can say it was both a bad and good thing.
Bad cause..it's just bad lah, lol, like I'm just some noob there, and I'm sitting right in front, waiting to kena aim only ah. Lol.
Good cause, it was a different experience. Like being thrown to the front to try and cope even if I can't.
Thank god Mr Quek went easy on everyone today I guess? I mean, probably cause it's like the first practice for the year, so he is giving everyone the benefit of doubt on their mistakes.
Yingying is awesome. Lol. I'll still say that I'll fall for her if I'm a guy lol.
From hearing nothing about her except that she plays the cello well, to watching a random CO concert with her, to speaking with her a little just before my audition, to actually hearing her play the cello and playing alongside her, I have yet to find anything bad about her lol.
She's damnnnnnnnn nice to offer to sit in the front to spare the rest from being aim-ed at by the conductor even though she came early enough to chop a backseat.
And playing with her gives me the "Don't worry, I am here to shield you, just follow me and give it a go." I guess that is why I managed to thicken up my skin to sit in the front even when I am probably like the lousiest and second oldest cellist there. LOL. OMG cui, oldest with cui-est skills. What nonsense. lol
During the orientation(ok, i probably only attended the welcome talk? LOL, but it doesn't matter), they mentioned that the students in SY are one bunch of lucky students, and I actually feel that I kinda agree with what they said. I mean, ok they worked hard to prepare for the audition and stuff, but again, it's like they were lucky enough to be offered a place in SY with all the facilities that others don't. I mean, who gets to use SCH for practices everytime that the stage doesn't feel any foreign to them at all apart from the professionals? And then, with the subsidised music lessons paid by the government for their learning. It's like, our country doesn't even promote much of the Arts, and yet they are setting aside some funds to pay for the student's private lesson. Thats kinda fortunate isn't it?
And then seeing how music changes a person, from being a small boy to actually one who actually ponders about the problem, thats amazing. And then the restraints that one faces from their family, environment, etc.. from pursuing further their interest, it's kinda saddening. And the graciousness and nobleness to help others achieve what others want when they themselves can't and yet getting satisfaction from it.
This has been interesting. Let's see how I slowly learn to survive in there.
Probably the only year I will be in there as well, haha, kinda sad ah? Others like normally continue a few years one los. lol, but nevermind it's for the experience.
Who would have expected that I will be in SY one day, lol, I mean even I do not see myself in SY.
So basically, I was feeling "why am I doing this to myself, having to carry cello to school every monday and occasionally on thursday from now on.".
Trip down to Tanjung Pagar now has a different meaning. I now no longer go there for SIP but for practice and it was kinda weird.
Having to sit at the front row was like T.T because lihyee told me that if I went early, I can book the back seats, but apparently, I still got the front seat somehow-.-
I can say it was both a bad and good thing.
Bad cause..it's just bad lah, lol, like I'm just some noob there, and I'm sitting right in front, waiting to kena aim only ah. Lol.
Good cause, it was a different experience. Like being thrown to the front to try and cope even if I can't.
Thank god Mr Quek went easy on everyone today I guess? I mean, probably cause it's like the first practice for the year, so he is giving everyone the benefit of doubt on their mistakes.
Yingying is awesome. Lol. I'll still say that I'll fall for her if I'm a guy lol.
From hearing nothing about her except that she plays the cello well, to watching a random CO concert with her, to speaking with her a little just before my audition, to actually hearing her play the cello and playing alongside her, I have yet to find anything bad about her lol.
She's damnnnnnnnn nice to offer to sit in the front to spare the rest from being aim-ed at by the conductor even though she came early enough to chop a backseat.
And playing with her gives me the "Don't worry, I am here to shield you, just follow me and give it a go." I guess that is why I managed to thicken up my skin to sit in the front even when I am probably like the lousiest and second oldest cellist there. LOL. OMG cui, oldest with cui-est skills. What nonsense. lol
During the orientation(ok, i probably only attended the welcome talk? LOL, but it doesn't matter), they mentioned that the students in SY are one bunch of lucky students, and I actually feel that I kinda agree with what they said. I mean, ok they worked hard to prepare for the audition and stuff, but again, it's like they were lucky enough to be offered a place in SY with all the facilities that others don't. I mean, who gets to use SCH for practices everytime that the stage doesn't feel any foreign to them at all apart from the professionals? And then, with the subsidised music lessons paid by the government for their learning. It's like, our country doesn't even promote much of the Arts, and yet they are setting aside some funds to pay for the student's private lesson. Thats kinda fortunate isn't it?
And then seeing how music changes a person, from being a small boy to actually one who actually ponders about the problem, thats amazing. And then the restraints that one faces from their family, environment, etc.. from pursuing further their interest, it's kinda saddening. And the graciousness and nobleness to help others achieve what others want when they themselves can't and yet getting satisfaction from it.
This has been interesting. Let's see how I slowly learn to survive in there.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Something must have gone wrong in me somewhere.
For I am actually excited over being occupied with so much CO stuffs.
And I guess it is probably due to the fact that the faster we have our concert, the faster end of march arrives, and that means that I will have fulfil my duties in tpco and be handing over to the next main comm!
This is definitely something worthy to make me so excited about!
Since I will be so occupied, I guess time will fly pass real fast!
Good luck to me on surviving this last lap in tp!
I bet I will definitely say I had of co sometime soon when the adrenaline rush from graduating finishes LOL.
For I am actually excited over being occupied with so much CO stuffs.
And I guess it is probably due to the fact that the faster we have our concert, the faster end of march arrives, and that means that I will have fulfil my duties in tpco and be handing over to the next main comm!
This is definitely something worthy to make me so excited about!
Since I will be so occupied, I guess time will fly pass real fast!
Good luck to me on surviving this last lap in tp!
I bet I will definitely say I had of co sometime soon when the adrenaline rush from graduating finishes LOL.
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