First day of SIP was alright I guess.
First few hours was making myself feel at home which I think it really did helped cause I started cleaning my table? LOL and then when I got bored at my place I started wandering to the library of the office to look at the books.
When I'm seated at my desk, no one bothers about me, and when I decided to go to the washroom, someone looks for me. -.- Let's hope they don't think I'm slacking! HAHA

I'm almost directly infront of the pantry, haha so getting water and stuffs will be very convenient for me, but..I don't eactly know this place well yet, so I'm not going to the pantry frequently yet HAHA.
I guess a good thing about this is that since my table is near the pantry, I get to break the ice with everyone in the office by greeting them every morning.

Somehow, I feel that my lawyer may be regretting his choice of hiring me LOL.
I made some mistakes even on simple stuffs like Enc and CC clients and faxing out the entire document and not just the letter to the client and some other minute stuffs.
But that goes to show how careless I am right? =/
I hope that I won't perform so badly anymore haha..
I'm doing mainly civil litigation for now, but the thing is...I'm not very good in civil procedure!
I don't exactly know how and what to do for civ pro..and now I'm doing this!
Oh man...but I know that after this, I will get to learn alot of things for I already found my first day very fulfilling.
I won't say that I'm like the busiest among all interns or what because I don't think I am, but at least I have sufficient stuffs up my hands to be completed.

The people here are generally all very nice and friendly.
Was treated for lunch at Raffles hotel by a lawyer together with another lawyer and a secretary. They are humourous. No airs going around at all when it's out of work. (y)
I'm looking forward to BEING at work everyday but not GOING to work because of the crazy morning crowd and waking up at 6.50am which I have yet to be able to do so.

Even though I have only been through a day at work only, I'm enjoying it and I've learnt quite a bit of things.
Knowing the answers for our exams are not everything, when it comes to applying to our daily life, it looks all so different.

For checking purposes when doing my report haha.
Drafted letters of demand, notification and writ of summon so far.
Should try to be more efficient instead of taking my time in doing like in school before the deadline given because there is no deadline here.

There's this lawyer who is damnnnnnnnnnnn nice I tell you.
He suddenly called me and say 'Zengmei, you're feeling very cold is it?'
Then I went, ' yup, how did you know?'
He went, ' I can tell, haha, your windbreaker is not useful because there is no wind here, it is just cold air everywhere..come, take this jacket, it will be able to keep you warm even though it is very thin because of its material, you can return it to me when you're feeling better'

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Haha, he's damnnnnnnnn nice.

2 weeks of my holidays are gone just like that.
I don't know how but I survived through standing at least 11hrs everyday for my Mooncake job.
Pretty much amazed by myself actually LOL.
But I believe that the job did benefit me in some way lah, mainly $$$$ haha and maybe testing my endurance and training myself to sleep early? lollll.
And I got to make new friends!

Tomorrow will be the start of a new journey for the next 3months of my life..
I might meet unreasonable people and I will have to face them till the end of my internship and I can't just quit if I'm unhappy with them because that would mean that I failed my sip!
At the same time, I'm afraid that I won't know what to do because my civ pro isn't exactly very good because I just don't seem to understand it but yet I think I will be going into the litigation department..
Previously in my other part time jobs, even if I'm not performing at my best, I won't be bother abt it because I know that those jobs aren't what I am exactly interested in to do for long..
But I know that if I don't perform well or at least satisfactory this time round, I will be disappointed in myself.
But I'll still anticipate the experience that I will be getting for I'm getting one step closer to what I hope to attain in life. :D
Wish me luck!

I don't know what have I done in my life to receive such good fortune..but I'm glad that I am who I am!
Hahahahah.
Maybe someone has helped me secretly in the back or what and I don't know, but I thank god for being so lucky. Hahahaha
Shadn't say what it is yet because it's not entirely confirmed yet.
But at least for now, it's good news to me! Hahahaha

Nothing beats waking up in the morning and checking your phone for good news. Hahahahha!

I took 49mins to type a simple letter in chinese that is only 10 sentences long.
Totally what the .............
Letter writing has never been so tough for me.
Not even those letters that we drafted in class have used up these much of my brain cells.
And I'm totally exhausted now lol.

Nights

Sometimes I tend to not know what am I doing and I get lost.
I don't know what am I doing.

Just like why I was practicing my cello just now cause I missed it suddenly.
But yet again, when at CS this morning, I didnt feel like playing at all. Like I was just playing for the sake of playing and I don't feel happy playing.

I don't know what am I thinking.

On a sidenote, after the long wait and rewatching of the movies from book 1-6, I've finally watched hp 7 part 2 last night! and I like it alot.
The ending might be crap, I mean as compared to the entire movie, but nonetheless, I still like it very much.
Others may say that it wasn't as good as expected, but because I didn't set any expectations for it, so I'm satisfied with it. And I'm veryyy sad that it ended just like that. Felt like a part of me just died/ended like that.
All the time spent waiting for the books to be out, reading the books, over and again for don't know how many times, getting emotional over the contents of a book, yes, the book where Dumbledore died  first taught me how to have emotions. LOL.
Farewell to my first true love. LOL

it's a happy day today!
even though we helped in a veryyyyyyy small way like just helping to cut the cakes for the folks, i'm glad i did that because i didn't get to do that for my grandma.
and it feels good to serve them in any manner to thank them for staying strong.

bought a new school bag for myself! haha it's been 4 years since i last bought a backpack for myself! hahaha
andddddd i'm changing specs soon! nothing fascinating but yah, haha.

byeeeeeeee

A

Am still trying to convince myself that I made the right choice.
I knew it would be tough, but I never expected it to be hurtful.
I don't want to fight on anymore because I feel that it ain't worth my effort.
I know if I hang on and look back next time, I would be so glad that I survive through.
But the problem now is to even hang on.
But one thing I can't deny is that without these assholes, I wouldn't be aware of how many awesomes are there around me.

My mum asked me, 'why you so young also got to think so much ah?'
Honestly speaking, I don't know either.
Sometimes I will start wondering what will my life be like now if I hadn't join any cca and just go to school, do tutorials, play, and everything else but cca.

Just when I thought I could relax just a little after my submission on monday, my next submission on 11jul is pushing my project mates and I up the wall.
We've just started on our project today because we didn't had the time to previously.
And everyone is all feeling antsy already.
Together with other tutorials and whatsoever, life couldn't get betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I need time to get away and recuperate mentally because everything seem so blur now.
I need to think of plan B, C, D, etc..just in case plan A doesn't work out.
And I think I'm dying soon. LOL.

PA's concert is finally overrrrrrrrr!!!!!
My nightmare is all over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel sooooo happy and relieved that it's over.
Like I no longer have a duty to commit myself to PA practices because the performance is over and I can use the time to finish other of my work without being so exhausted mentally and emotionally.

It all seem very fast actually. Haha, 10 practices with PA gone just like that.
Though it was like torturous because of the short time we had to practice for the concert..but it was still a good experience because welllll...I think in someway or another I've improved even though I don't know where. But yah, you get my point.
Plus, some people made the experience bearable and fun. So yah..loads of nerve-wrecking moments though.

After every song ended, all that came to my mind was, a song lesser to the end of my nightmare! And when it came to the last song, I felt so relieved that I've survived through and that after this, no one will notice me anymore. That is if there was anyone who noticed lah lol.
Can't helped but grinned like an idiot to jasmine when we finished playing the last song. So much that even having to play the encore piece and another piece didn't matter to us at all. Hahaha

I can't help but to tear a little after the concert as well because I couldn't help it. Haha it was like tears of joy and relief I guessed?
Like I managed to survive through this ordeal. I was seriously under quite an amount of pressure because even though we only had little time to practice the songs, I didn't want to perform too badly at a concert because afterall, our actions will affect the organisation as well. Plus I guess the expectations I had for myself to meet at least gave me the pressured.

For now, it's time for bed and a good rest before I wake up tomorrow and face up to other projects I have on hand for sch and co.
Amazingly, instead of wanting to stay away from my cello, I actually am even more tempted to practice my cello pieces and to work on it and resume cello lessons soon.

GOOD NIGHT!

I can say I had a veryyyyyy interesting birthday. LOL
Had celebrations which started since sunday.
In this sense, I can say that I am veryyyyyyy lucky.
I must have accumulated alot of good karma! But I hope all these doesn't end just like that. Hahah
I don't want bad things to happen. I will work hard! Hahaha

Ok, I won't say that I spent my birthday in the WOW kinda celebrations or what, but it was amazing in it's own ways lol.
I was surprised, speechless, amazed and kinda everything. Haha.
Thanks to all my friends who gave me such an experience! Hahaha. And for someone, a SHOCK.
Crazy, I can never forget the shock the larsen strings gave me. Too much too much *shakes head*

Thanks weilin for the lunch! and cake! and randomness!
Thanks to the monsters for the birthday dinner and blue shirt LOL!
Thanks to jas for the lifetime guarantee pen!
Thanks to wanling, shihui, clams, junjie, kinren, jasmine, shiyan for the random surprise and cupcakes and dinner.
Thanks to weilin, shihui, wanting for the day spent!
Thanks to all the birthday greetings that I received, FB kinda killed me with so many notifications LOL.

Thanks to pa for draining my night-.-

I'm now officially nineteen, don't feel as if I'm nineteen! LOL I still feel as childish as ever.
But I can definitely feel the workload and responsibilities getting heavier.
My next wish is that everyone will always be safe and do well in whatever they do.
Let me keep my third wish for myself.
Haha.

This year, I have nothing to wish for but just to wish that everyone I know will be happy and that life will at least be better for them.
I'm not almighty, but I want people that I care for to be happy.

I'm left with 2 more wishes.

Sorry I can't help it but I'm feeling so proud of myself LOL.
Let me brag lah k, since it's the first time I feel so proud of myself and since it is my blog anyway. LOL

One firm emailed me to go for an interview next monday, I was soooooo tempted to say ok I will go, but I can't cause I have already accepted the offer from a firm.
Plus, by going for the interview, I'm also depriving others for a position in that firm.
So I had to decline the firm's offer.

And then after lunch, another firm called me saying that I have secured a place in that firm already and that I have to come down for a briefing on Thur. The person on the phone even emphasis that I got a position and not an interview in the firm.
I was like huh?! How come secure already? I never even go for interview or what, why they anyhow secure me, how do I tell them? (Because we were previously told that we can't hold on to 2 positions if not we will get into trouble cause the firms will be unhappy)
I was like okkkk but I had to reject them cause I'm attached to another firm already. Siannnnn.

Then I went to submit my declaration form to my teacher and he went
m - 'ohhh...you went for the interview at their firm already? Mr W conducted the interview is it?'
zm - yah..i went for the interview on sat...
m - hmm..he can be quite a difficult person..*smiles*
zm - huh really? he seem quite ok during the interview..
m - he didn't give you any trouble during the interview?
zm - nope.
m - oh well, ok have fun there during your sip there! *laughs*

Jialatttttttt. Am I going to get hell for my sip?!?!? Lolll.
I'm kinda anticipating for SIP to start because I want to see what challenges will I face.. But at the same time I'm like, I hope it isn't a difficult firm! Lol.

And then I called my mum to tell her about it and she said that the firm that offered me a position is actually a big firm and I'm kinda thinking like huh..I just gave up the chance of working in a big firm, although the one I accepted is a medium but well-established firm.
And the firm(not the one I accepted) starts work only at 9am and not 8.30am and it's at city hall, which means that it is nearer, plus I can take bus 518 and stop straight outside. Plus that firm accepts 2 interns which meant that I would have someone to accompany me (but that isn't really an issue cause alot other firms accept 1 interns only also, so I won't die of being alone)

The only consolation I can tell myself now is that the one I accepted pays higher and that I was comfortable with the office when I went for interview. Siannnnnn, did I miss out like on a real good deal??? =/

Have I shared my story of my interview with you?
I would like to if I haven't! Haha, because I bet I had one of the best experience ever.
But I'm too lazy to type it out here, so give me a call! And we'll chat LOL.
Ok, ignore my random-ness.

I can just say I was veryyyyyyyyyyyy happy when I knew that I was offered a place in one of the firms! Haha
Because this is kinda like the first time I prepared a proper resume and cover letter and even attending a proper job interview, and to my pleasure, be offered a place of which I am satisfied with the working environment!

Well, SIP hasn't started for me, so I don't know how will it be like working there, but at least, it is something that I am looking forward to!
Even though working hours will be from 8.30am-6pm, I will still gladly wake up for work because I'm finally reaching the phase that I have been anticipating since the day I entered my course.
And also...because there were 2 other candidates before me, I actually feel proud of myself for securing this place as it wasn't a situation whereby I got the job without any competition.
Sorry lah, can't help but to unleash the competitiveness in me lol.

And I hope that my mentor will be the one who interviewed me because he is interestingly interesting enough. Haha

Just a random note.
It has already been 6 years and 3 months since I had my cello! Isn't that so amazing!?
Hahaha like 6 years just passed like that and I have been having this cello in my home for 6 years!

And to think that I once left it alone in the corner of my house for 2 years and used the cello that I brought home from nas instead despite the inconvenience just because my cello's bridge was too high that it hurts after playing awhile.
I've also got use to being an obstruction in public with my cello for 6 years! LOL
This is all so unbelievableeeeeee. Hahaha

But sadly, after 6 years, my standard is only like that. Nothing amazing.
But still.... I'm very amazed by the fact that my cello is 6 years old already! hahahaha

I had a kinda fun yet crazy yet exhausting weekend!
Had food poisoning since tue night all the way till sat.
Just when I thought I was better on thur, I WAS WRONG.
That was in fact the worst I've felt.
And one freaking trip to CGH in the wee hours was only 1/10 the cost as compared to the consultation plus medication fee.
Crazyyyyyy. How is this affordable healthcare?!

Anyway, so yah, spent thur and friday at home and I felt that I was staying home wayyyyy too long already.
And then sun was madness cause a few of us had to prepare for a last minute performance and omgggggggg.
I feel so sorry that I didn't get to play my best but too much fear overcomed me already! so exposed! so quiet! so cold! so scary! and everything!
And I'm never going to wear contacts when practicing cello again anymore cause I realise that my eyes gets too complacent and lazy that it's getting clear vision wherever it looks that it causes my brain to not even focus-.-
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry yuren! lol.
The onlyyyyyyyy thing I can hope for is that no one saw through my smoking skills apart from ourselves but I don't know.
So embarrassingggg. Hais.
I hope that they will have a very happy wedding though!
HAHAHAH I THINK THIS STATEMENT OF MINE MAKES IT SEEM AS IF YUREN IS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED LOL!

I got my retribution for I was haunted by the song the entire night!!!!!!
Because I was soooo tired that I wanted to sleep awhile and study throughout cause I haven't studied a thing for my test today which was 20% and it was my least confident subject!
No, it's actually the ONLY law subject that I'm so afraid of so far.
Tossed and turned in bed from 1230-430, it was NO JOKE I tell you.
I think I was like either possessed by the song or what.
The moment I close my eyes, the song played, I even went to the extend to tell myself to stop playing the song in my head and that it will soften and finally disappear as I slowly count down.
The amazing thing was that it did quieten down!
But everytime I reach 0, it starts playing again.
Wahhhhhhh my brain was even more exhausted because of that man!

And cause of that I was so tired when I was supposed to wake up that I slept till 730 before chionging my studies for my test in less than 12hrs time. Siao one.
Practically killed myself.

Anyway, it's time to chiong crim by thur morning. DIE DIE MUST CHIONG OUT.
Another 20% -.-.-.-.-
How can I buy more time, seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Purpose for blogging - I don't know.

I don't know what am I doing with my life now.
Lol. Everyday is just lectures, tutorials, lab,, projects, co and tkd.
I don't even know what I want to blog about because there is nothing interesting about my life to blog about.
Everyday, I'm just doing the duties and work that I have to do, come home to get enough rest to continue the routine the next day.
And when I go out and play, I feel guilty for not studying.
Woahhh, saw that?! Zengmei feels guilty for not studying! Like serioussssssssss?!

I'm looking forward to july when I believe that my schedule should be less hectic.
And I can't wait to apply for SIP despite all the jitters that I will get from it. Haha

Take Care Ms Lim!

Apart from Ms Foo, Ms Lim is another teacher of mine whom I will hold dearly to my heart.

They are both great individuals who are incomparable and I will never forget how they have changed my life.

I hope that they will be strong and happy as how they have been no matter how tough life gets for them in the future.

Hi Paul, wanted to leave you a tag but I don't know how to.
You know in that pic of yours, I see the word fatigue written all over our faces. LOL

No matter what happens, as long as we faces it upfrontly, nothing will be too much for us to handle.

Even though we've experienced it before, we probably get too complacent and forgets what it felt like before. Nevertheless, A wake up call is never too late just like how the opposition is becoming a crisis or threat to the majority now.

And the irony was, it wasn't exactly a fight. I have to remind myself to be more honest with myself and never to take things for granted.

And tell you what, I went to cut my hair today lol! And I think that it's a little too short lol!

Bye!

Even though I know that there are problems now in the comm, I'm cool with it for I know that I am not alone.
For that reason alone, it is sufficient to keep me going for I know that at the end of the day, my efforts will be a change in some aspect. Be it people, opinions or anything!

On a side note, school has started just 2 weeks ago but I feel as if I have gone through like probably a month into the term already?
Guess that I've been staying in school for too many hours hahahaha.
I can't wait for applying to my SIP firms and stuffs! (Although I think that everything is gonna be soooooo troublesome)
The time that I have waited for since 2 years ago is finally here!
Maybe when SIP starts for me, I will really start complaining for I have never exactly worked in the law area before.
But no matter what, I will take it as it is for this is what I chose for myself.

Can't get more positive than anything now.
Till I meet CPA or Civ pro which will make me sink back down again, hahaha.
Goodnight!

Knowing what you want in life doesn't help much when you're feeling scared.

You guys never fail to annoy the fuck out of me seriously-.-
Thanks ah, for your 'returning to school gift'.
First, you give me troubles.
Second, you waste my time.
Now, you give me your shit.
Fucking annoyed. Seriously.
Problematic fucktards.

Alottttt of things happened this week.
From the training camp to receiving results to chiong-ing programme booklet to interviewing the new main comm to making a decision to packing my stuffs.
Though its nothing much, but these stuffs has put me through alot of thinking, lol.
It's pretty simple actually, but I just had to complicate matters.
Loads of feelings within me now, with mostly being scared to excited.

All it takes is just a flight to and fro from UK and I'll soon feel that I'm all alone even though I know I'm not.
And then I will have to deal with the fact that yes, the seniors are graduating.
My seniors who have turned into my friends more than my seniors.

But no matter what, I believe that our concert will be a success.
Be it performing to a group of 80ppl or more, because everyone has work together to put up the concert as a team, it is a success.

因为我知道了他们的期望，所以不想让他们失望
但我却怕, 怕自己没本事

会让大家和自己失望

我的心很乱

I don't know what will I do if I have to give up on my aspiration.
But holding onto it is kinda difficult now for it is the future expenditure that is stopping me.
I always tell myself that no matter what, I will be fine financially as long as I don't use my 'future' money which is money on credit.
But again, it's not like I can't enter any of the universities offering law.

Looking at the practice schedule kinda make me sad. Haha
Something that we have all been working hard to make it happen, will finally be happening.
And yet I can't participate in the full process now, especially the process of practicing with everyone till the day of the concert and seeing it happen.
Like what weilin told me before, seeing the fruit of our effort.
The endless whines and complains from everyone over the long practice hours and everything.
But yet all these are my choices, so I can't complain...

Now that exams are over... it's time to go out and have some fun again!
And amidst those fun, I shall leave some time for co stuffs and do the best I can since it's only like a month more to stepping down? YES AHHHHHHHHH, heeheeheehee.

Everyone has their own hurdle to cross over, but I guess, it's just a matter of perception and how you choose to approach it.
The many ways that you can look at a thing to tell yourself how to move on to the next step.
Nothing can get one down for we are made this way. Made to go through ups and downs; without these hurdles, life would be boring isn't it!
So for all of my friends who are having troubles, just believe in yourself and things will be fine somehow, someday. =)

On a side note, studying for BA2 last night turned me into a horrendous monster. The anxiety, fear and helplessness simply got over me that I was behaving like a beast, and I'm feeling pretty remorseful for shouting at my sis. Not that I want to brag, but where can I find such a sister who can seriously bear with all my nonsense and yet never giving up on me and helping me in her own ways.
Knowing that I have been having late nights the past few days, she got me those bottled bird nest, even my mum don't buy those for me leh!(not that i'm complaining, lol). Sometimes I can't help but think that I'm the worst person among the people I know of that I ought to die, but I won't haha because someday I will do something else in my own way to show my concern for her.

Now it's time for me to search back for my motivation to play the cello, if not I'm not making any progress!
I'm thinking what should I do tomorrow, hahaa roam around the streets and slowly taking in whatever I see, stay home to practice cello, go date some friends out?

But for now, it's time for bed! =)

While I was teaching a separate group of students today, one student that I taught the previous week stood within an arm's reach beside me.

I asked him what was he doing, why aren't he going for break and playing like what the rest were doing.

He replied 'I also want to be in your group, so that you can teach me.'

This was the first time I've received such a reply and he obviously made my day. Haha!

I think CNY this year was probably one of the best for me so far.

Not comparing to those childhood ones. But for my teenage years.

Went all out to play and have fun like my holidays were here and I'd actually forgot about the things that I have to do!

But amidst those fun, I've neglected the feelings of some people but I don't know how to say that I'm aware of the things that they have done for me.

Now that the 4 days of break is over, I have to gear myself up again and finish up whatever I have to for this AY. At least get things done decently.

There's so many pictures that I want to share, but uploading pictures on blogger is like.......a hassle.

IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!

Hahahahah I don't know how to describe how I am feeling now but OMG I'M SO HAPPY HAHAHAH

Like finally!!!!!! I survived through all the projects, tests, tutorials, co, tkd, whatever this sem!

After my 2 tests today, I have nothing to worry abt!

Not until my end sem exams!

It's like a whole load off my shoulder for nowwwwwww.

Theres other minor things to do, but at least I know that it is slowly piling up and that I did not suffocate!

I survived through! =D

I can't express how happy I am, heeheeheeheeheehee!!!!!!!

AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

HOW.

WHY.

WHO.

WHAT.

WHEN.

WHERE.

Help! Screw company law.

Not literally.

Passed my NCAP lvl 1 Technical too!

Time to focus on my projects! *needs sleep*

How far will you go to pushing the blame to others just to save your own ass? -.-

-looks at paper and feels sian-ed

friend : how much did you get?

me : not very good, 28 only

friend : very good what!!

-start thinking '28/40 or 50 like not very good leh'

friend : the paper over 30 leh

me : huh?! really!?!

-calculate the entire paper marks

me : really leh! OMG *Grins*

Hahahahaha, the year has been very good for me so far!

After much contemplation, I think I'm giving up the study trip to UK(UK leh! =/).

Since theres so many cons, plus the friend I'm closer with isn't very keen on it anymore because of those atas people who will be going and it has already been 2 months but there has been no news of it.

Maybe I will reconsider it if the trip is in April.

WHAT MORE CAN START MY YEAR WELL WITH KNOWING THAT I'VE PASSED MY POOMSAE COACH COURSE AND MUSIC THEORY ALREADY!

Only left with NCAP to worry about now, but I'm already very happy!

THERE ARE MIRACLES HAHAHAH!

But somehow I can't help to suspect that my instructor might have intervened in some things and that is why I passed because I don't see how I could have passed my practical for that course!

I'll see again....

Happy 2011!

Happy new year, pull your ears! (as said by my mum, I don't know why either-.-)

Gone with 2010 and here is 2011!

That's pretty fast actually!

I hope that this will be a better year....not that the past was horrible, but it wasn't exactly fantastic I think?

I don't know, but as humans, we'll always be a tad more greedy and wish for the better or more right!

Its weird that I'm home so early, not that early but a little early given that it's new year's countdown, and I'm wide awake!

How now, brown cow!

Music was good at timbre, just that I was hoping for everyone to be a little more high, just a little and it would be fine!

School's reopening on monday, which is like 2 more days to go!

Arghhhhhhhhhhh *runs around the room*

Got to buck up and be more serious and time to stop playing!

Hahahaha, I'll try to okay! Haha

Time's running fast and out!

Some resolutions for the new year(which I never really bother to think of or do normally) that I have thought for the split second just now..

I'm gonna be more hardworking!

I'm gonna be punctual most of the times!

I'm gonna play harder(of course not over my limits righttt)!

I'm gonna be more productive be it schoolwork, cello, tkd, co or any other things!

I'm gonna be more appreciative!

I'm gonna be more patient!

I'm gonna tryyyy to sleep early to save my liver!

These seems pretty attainable right??????????????????????

And so, this is my first post for 2011!

Happy New Year!!!!

Spent at least the past 20mins at least looking at my archives.

From the time I joined TPCO till now, so much things have changed.

But my experiences are definitely growing and getting better or for the worst. Haha.

I'm just overwhelmed by all my feelings suddenly.

Back then I was saying that I was not going to take music theory and further my knowledge in music.

Now..I'm actually going to go for more.

What in the world is wrong with me? Haha

Everything is always so unexpected that my words that were only said about a year ago seem to be just some nonsense that I was saying randomly for the fun of it.

Just what will life turn out to be for me?

Should go and pack to prepare for the dragz chalet tomorrow, haha.

Bye!

These are some of what that kept me entertained for the past 4 days

Good news for myself!

I passed my theory..

But I don't exactly feel that happy because I was expecting something more than a pass.

Well, a pass is good enough because that means that I don't have to waste anymore time and can proceed with my practical!

But I feel some disappointment and I don't know how to describe it.

I wanted to like tell weilin and mr chua with pride that I passed with merit (I was expecting a merit actually..) but looks like its not going to happen now. Haha

Siannnnnnnnnnnn.

I don't know if it is true, but I am going to save my liver by going to bed early now.

Hahaha good night world! It's not exactly that early either haha

At this point in time when my mid-sem tests are over, I'm not enjoying myself but am doing my tkd report.

Wth is wrong with me, I need to stop finding things for myself to do. Lol.

For the sake of being able to play the cello tomorrow, I shall persevere on and complete my tkd report asap, anyway it's due tomorrow also..so by hook or by crude I have to finish it.

If only the entire theory paper tomorrow is MCQ, I will love STF to bits.

This is what happens when you get an over dosage of something and you will want to do another thing.

And I seriously miss playing the cello so much that my heart literally felt itchy to play it!

Can you believe it!?

I can't! But it did happen, so I will. Haha

Now that I know that tomorrow will be over soon(which is the horror to why I want the weekends to end faster)...I am feeling pretty happy, although I know that I will die during my test tomorrow.

But no matter what, I will still give tomorrow my best shot because afterall.. I'm paying for this damn course on my own-.-

Sweet dreams world!

I'll find you after Sunday.

Hahahaha I can't believe I am actually feeling that jolly in a night like this.

Wth is wrong with me.

I hear people playing the zhongruan, suona, pipa, piano, flute and violin whenever I'm at home at different timings.

Haven't heard a cello, so maybe I'm the special one in my neighbourhood!

Lolllllllllllllll, thick skin. Hahahaha

Conveyancing paper later at 5pm and I'm not done with studying because I barely started!

And it was a wrong choice to switch on my com, hahaha.

I can't wait to end my paper but at the same time...that means I have to get working on my tkd stuffs again.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFF, I only like being a student, who is told to train, train, train, train and train lol.

I don't want to train people anymore.

I don't have that aspiration anymore.

I'm not cut out to be a teacher, I don't want to either lolllllllllll.

To make things worst, there's drillings today.

I don't see why can't they do their work efficiently. Like start on one area then finish the area up first before starting on others lah!

Why start on everywhere and drill a bit today a bit tomorrow and on every other days.

What do they think they are doing man?!?!

Spreading the 'love' so that we get a taste of it every other day?

Bullshit. The floor gets so dusty and dirty that I'm sick of washing my feet after walking around my house a few times that I'm wearing those bedroom slippers around my house.

I want to play my cello =/

I need some free time, not for myself, but for my mum.

I'm sorry.

Christmas is coming!

Rapunzel!

Watching Rapunzel made my day. I feel happy watching it hahahaha.

Like what Qihao said, it made me forget about everything I had in my mind for that 100min and lived in the world of fantasies and humanity.

I like rapunzel and eugene's voice!

I felt so happy and kiddy that I threw popcorn at dion and qihao even though I knew it was childish, and I didn't know what was I thinking. I think I lost my mind, but nothing could beat having a child's happiness.

I'm just hoping that everything will end so that I can sit down and practice my cello for hours without having anything in mind.

People like you are always dampening others mood. Disgusting, I don't want to talk to you if thats the case. Whatever, fuck off man. I had a long day already. CBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

Hate my life now.

End of company law individual project!

YAYYYYYYYY hahaha, ok lah, not like I'm very hardworking-.-

But it's okkkkk, hahaha, I still feel tired after sleeping for 12hrs=/

Training later, ahhhhhhhhh, i hope its not tiring because I'm not in the mood for ittt.

GAHHH

Shall date my cello after 9pm =D

I hear the bells ringing

Don't know what to do for my company law project.

Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

I ♥ lawnet -.-

Went for GY's 21st at downtown east!

It has been sooooooooooooooooo long since I met them and grace gave me a hug the moment she saw me!

I totally appreciated that! Because I miss them alotttt too. (She can read my mind, hahahahahaha)

Downtown east has never been so quiet before I think..and it was already empty and quiet when it was only 1am.

Stayed for the chalet unexpectedly, lollllllll, so that meant no clean clothes to change into, omgggg and my mind was pretty tired in fact.

Tried to do some company law to atone for my playfulness but I only managed to absorb 2pages and I gave up on studying to play, lollllllll.

Breakfast with a few of them at mac was awesome, not because the food was good, lol.

Been so long since we had a chalet together, went for early breakfast when we don't sleep at all(always happens, loll), chatted and just talk about nonsense stupid stuffs and sometimes even having our conversations made into debates.

But the feeling that came back to me, just made me felt so happy that I could be there, meeting up with them instead of being occupied with other nonsensical stuffs.

It has been so long since I got those simple happiness kind of feelings again.

Like for the 4years that we spent together in secondary school.. it was all wonderful memories no matter how much maths, physics and chemistry tried to kill me.

There was a short period where I even thought that we were having our holidays together again.

Ok, my post don't really make sense lah, but I just wanted to share how much I enjoyed their company, how much I missed it and how awesome it is to have them as my friends.

Bye!

All of a sudden, I find that I have changed.

I don't know how to explain that, but I'm pretty much disgusted by it.

I can't seem to put my heart into doing something well.

Even if I want to, I will waver somehow.

Hais.

what is the correct thing to do?

tell me where to go, how to go.

stop playing with my feelings.

I kinda miss you =/

Most of my weekends are going to be drain out this coming december. Oh no.......

I will have to stop my cello lessons for 3 weeks to attend the courses.

I hope that my school work and co stuffs won't drain me out =X

I've signed up for NCAP and poomsae coaching course but I don't think I'm qualified enough!

Plus I mia-ed for the past 2-3months for tkd, whoops!

Dieeeeeee.

On a bright side, if I pass both courses, I will be considered a qualified national poomsae coach and half a qualified tkd instructor!

I'm scaredddddddd. =/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!
I know you won't see this, but it's okkkkkkkkk. Hahahaha

I'm soooooooooo excited!

I'm going to catch Harry Potter later at Iluma!

Been so long since I had the HP craze in me, maybeeeeeeeee I will read the entire series all over again in my next long break, HAHA, that means it will be in like next march? Lollllll

My sis is going tw in about...... 6hrs time!

Lucky shit. Damnnnnnnnn I want to go too! If I simply hope on a flight, I can be in tw for abt 5days!(including flying over and returning)

Whatever!! I got to try to go on a getaway somehow =/

Need to get started on my company law essayyyyyyyy. Omggggggggg

Some things don't have to be said.
The amount of priority that it gets.
It all comes naturally with every slightest action.
I was once made to give it a higher position in my life and then when it got there, I see it all, it's being taken for granted.
One day when I'm disappointed and sick of everything, that's the end of it, I will no longer give a damn for whatever that happens to it.
Because sometimes, I find that it is simply just making use of me and it does not deserve any of my effort at all.

Here's some pictures to er.....update about some small events? Hahahaha
Went on a date with my mum and sis to celebrate her birthday earlier this year because my sis will be going to tw next wed. STUPID! How I wish I go to TW too, grrrrrrrrrr.

My mum's not that ahlian already highlight's hahaha

sichuan crispy red bean paste pancakes?

ee fu noodles with the meat from the roasted duck

beijing roasted duck? lol

steam cod fish! damnnnnn smooth, but I find it too smooth, lol.

chilli crab, not that nice=/

broccoli with authentic crabmeat! (y)

BBQ with chuiying, her mum, koknam, my mum, sis and I

qihao&dion is missing out all the

my sis takes nothing but jojo's picture, lolllll

at times like that, i get really confused.

I want to donate blood!

I've been to Australia, Suzhou, Shanghai, Hongkong, Macau, Taiwan, Cambodia, Vietnam, Phuket, Bangkok, Bintan, Batam, Penang, Genting, KL, Malacca.
I'm fortunate to have been able to travel to all these countries no matter what purpose is it for.
It may not have been the best one would have dream for. But it's satisfying enough right?

I don't want my actions to be a burden for my mum to carry because I have been a financial burden to my mum also imo, with all my financial draining interests. Tsk.
How.

The year is coming to an end. But I have nothing to my name. I have so many and so much doubts in my mind which makes me confuse and then I start pondering if my actions were right. What am I going to do now? I don't know why am I having so much doubts when I'm not taking my A's and have to plan my next route.

Speaking of which, my JC friends are sitting for their A's very soon, like tomorrow? I wish them all the best! Because they have all been working very hard for it, and obviously, everyone loves happy endings right.

And I still hate having doubts. I need to be sure of my life. And no doubt, I have to have control over my life.

honestly speaking, i feel very touched when i saw that message. hahahaha
but why so random.

I am having a love-hate relationship with saturday nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I pray and hope and wish with alllllllll my heart that I will be able to do the paper and pass at the very least to be able to show my thanks to my deer for teaching me despite my hopelessness and helplessness knowledge of all these and for all the time she put in despite having her exams ongoing as well.

Can I please turn and be more hardworking overnight and start chionging.
Hais, I'm hopeless.
It's the first week of school where everything is suppose to be relaxing but I'm going to school everyday to study like some mugger.
I hope I will turn into one so that I can pass sat's paper.
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I wasted time and money once already, please don't let me do it one more time.

jialat jialat jialat.
I wasn't going to be late in the first place but somehow thanks to the traffic im the last to reach.

I'm going to get back my brave self!
It's a need, not a want. haha.

All I want to say is that I want to tell Mr Lim a belated happy teacher's day in real person.
He was one of the reason why I was contemplating to return to nas, but I didn't, saying that I will return the year after instead.
I'm ashamed/sad of myself for not being brave enough to take a closer look at him just now.
I won't comment on his fb and stuffs even though I want to because I find some of it so pretentious to just say deepest condolences and stuff even though its the truth, but it just seem as if it came out of their mouth so easily without any meaning.
I pray that his family will get on fine soon enough and hope that they won't face too much difficulties.
I want to visit Mrs Pong, Ms Yanti, Mr Thong, Mrs Teh, Tian ling, Josephine Lee and Mrs De Almeida like now.

I was packing my stuffs and reading again all those gifts, notes and cards and everything that I received for my past few birthdays and sec4 graduation.
I started thinking, what kind of person was I like in the past?
For all of them to appreciate everything that I've done.
What have I done, to deserve all those gifts.
For that, I'm very thankful.
And maybe, those are the friends that I will truely be in contact with in time to come, but who knows what will become of the friendships.

And then I started thinking what kind of person have I become.
Stepping into poly, facing all the politics, dealing with them, gaining survival skills, understanding others, etc.
Have I change?
Have I also started playing mindgames with some unworthy creatures?
Is it the right thing to do?
Am I becoming like them?
How will I know when to stop?

Maybe afterall, I was a better person in the past.
Am I a bad person already?

The past week was..........busy only ah! HAHAHAHA
Right after mooncake selling was prep for MA, glad that everything ended well even though there was sooooooo many things that happen in the process, especially the stupid rain which caused us to worry sooooo much!
Good job good job!
But I missed the dragz gathering, haha, sian....

Working for F1 at fairmount was everything but boring. Hahaha
Though I can't deny that E is irritating sometimes, but there were times when she was nice or funny.
And I guess sometimes what they all want is efficiency lah..so also not entirely her fault.
But oh man, it was hellllll tiring, hahaha.
Dinner over there was omggg.....horrible.
And then to be placed in a room full of good food was a tortureee.
Omg, those delicious looking desserts! and main course! Argh!!!!!!
But the job was fun because there were nice ppl there too.
I like Susan because I think that she's pretty! HAHAHAHAHA
But I haven't forgot julia! Hehehehehe =D

NIGHTS EVERYONE

My selling mooncake job is over.
I kinda feel more sad than happy about it being over.

On the brightside, I don't have to wake up at 8plus in the morning and nap to and fro on the bus already.
I can go out and play.
I can practice my cello.
No long hours of standing and selling mooncake.
That's all I can think of.

But if I'm still working, I can greet julia and crystal morning everyday.
Tease the both of them.
Joke around with them.
Have breakfast with them.
Do stupid things with them.
Exchange mooncakes with my neighbours.
Smile like a retard to julia.
Gossip about the man who does his duty everyday at 12pm promptly.
Cut mooncakes.
Talk about the pretty girl next next door with Crystal.

I don't know..
I just feel like that past week of selling mooncakes was a dream.
A sweet though tiring one.
I can even wake up at 9am now without the aid of my handphone.
How often is it to have such a wonderful booth manager to supervise and make things right but yet be your friend accompanying you.

Life at work has been good so far! HAHAHAHAH

Free mooncake on the second day of work! But I didn't want to eat it, so I gave it to my mum and sis to share.
Got an hour BREAK for nothing, SERIOUSLY nothing when I'm working, the irony, lolll. I went to shop and then took a short nap before returning from my break.
And then our booth manager, Julia, was so on that we can just joke crap with her, hahaha, and I feel as if I know her for quite some time already or what, when it's been just 3days since I started working, lolll.
A new week starts tomorrow and I hope it will be good too! =D

Exams are over!! But I felt as if it's been days since I had my last paper although it was only yesturday!
Hahahaha,caught haunted changi with my friends and I think it isn't really very nice.
Both my friend and I saw the bad ratings for the show but we still pulled the rest along with us to watch it. Lol, waste money only................

I've started working at parkway parade selling mooncakes till 19sept! Visit me leh!
Because it's very boring thereeeeeeee when there's nothing to do. =( Hahahahaha
I wondered how I survived working at robinsons the other time man.

YAY!! BA1 IS DOWN!!!!

1 more to go!

Good luck for your papers everyone!
I wish to get back my gpa of at least 3 again with allllllll my heart.

Can't wait for exams to end!!

MY INTERNET IS DOWN.
I'm sitting at the chairs near BLIC to leech on their internet connection to send out 2emails.
How pathetic is that!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why but I felt very sad when I saw the YOG flame being put out and passed on to Chinaaa.
Arghhhhhhh =(
I think it was because I didn't get to get tickets for both the closing ceremony and one of the tkd event.
Hais =(
Despite all the mishaps, I still felt that it was a job well done for a first timer.

Life has been too relaxing for me recently!
Not that it is a bad thing, just that.....I'm suppose to be studying for my exams!
I've went on a short trip, enjoyed myself and I don't know what else to say but I've done alot of things to relax but have yet to start hitting my books.

That is not a good thing because I'm almost practically totally lost for BA because I told myself that I will study it during the one month break. And at the look at it, my days are practically almost everyday filled with activities or me slacking around watching dramas that I have not got to watch during the semester break. Oh man.

It's been very long since I did a proper post with pictures and stuff. But it seems that I no longer know what to blog anymore! =/
Just like in the beginning when I started this blog.

I feel so upset with myself for not purchasing a yog ticket earlier. =(

How are you my friend?

Today has been an awesome day!

It was such an awesome feeling to be able to perform with all my seniors again!
Ok, not all, but most of them, especially those who taught me so much during my stay in nasco.
All the fun we had while waiting to perform, laughing and smiling it off when we played mistakes.
To conclude the entire performance perfectly with our imperfections.
Fulfilling one of my wish since sec 3 of getting to perform with all of them again even after they graduate. =DDDDDD

Seeing Tian again after like er......6months? brought me a funny feeling.
Like we were once so close though she always scold me hahahahahaa, till it seem a little weird that we were yet that distant just now.
Afterall, she has been a person whom I respect alot for all the skills that she have equipped me in my entire journey in nasco.
Sometimes, I just miss her.

The end of this performance meant one load off my shoulder.
But I would like to perform with my cello seniors again and again and again!
Even to the day where we are all old and working, it will be such an awesome thing!
I love you guys! Hahahahaha

On a side note...Pauline is back! Like for real, permanently!
Another worry down for she is no longer in that land of worries(from the time those red shirts wreak havoc to now its state of being pretty peaceful).
The hug which was so real felt so unrealistic! HAHAHA

Now that all these are done, I'm left with only 24hours to chiong my Fam law report which is hardly started on and I'm so dead but I will work hard tomorrow for the sake of my results and to be thankful for all the happiness I experienced today.

I realise that I have grown to like hugs because that is a way of me expressing myself saying that I miss you and I feel comforted and assured everytime I get a hug from my friends who I care.

Apparantly...I am experiencing micro tears on both thighs-.-

Since the start of this semester, I have become harsher and last forgiving towards others.
I don't exactly know what caused the change in me, but I don't think it was a good change.
I just don't know what should I do.

At the same time, I forgone and missed out so much things in life while fulfilling my commitments and passions.
For now, I don't have the confidence to say that all these is worth it.
I hope it will be.

At the end of the day, we are all alone.

My godddddddddddddd.
Today's training was hell, but loads of fun, hahaha.

I have never regretted joining the choir when I was in primary school.
Very often, I would take out my past scores and look at it.
Sometimes I hate myself for not choosing to stick with choir and taking up all other crap which makes me so frustrated with it.
Listening to classicals excessively is making me irritated with it.

Have been very passive and pessimistic.
That's not how I am supposed to be.
I was once happy and optimistic and determined.
I have to be back up again because I can't afford to be like that.
I am not going to waste myself like that.
I have to buck up.
Go zengmei, get your life back!

Felt as if I was screwing my own life up gradually.

I like my teacher's sense of humour.
Where's your best friend? *points*
Not this, another one. *points*
Not this either, that particular one. *oh, we're no longer friends*
Die. Been too much of a dare devil and been liking confrontation too much. Die.
Where's my cool.

And so my weekends was spent resting and enjoying myself with simple random things that you would never expect yourself to be doing.

Pauline came out of my computer screen for a night.
Not seeing her in a virtual world seems quite a little inrealistic.
But because she was here for such a short period of time, it seems as if it was really a fantasy.

This time round, her departure was a happy one for we all know that we're only 27days away from seeing her back again; as compared to the previous one which was 3-4months away.

Time will fly really really soon that she will be back in just a wink of an eye.
I await for that day for I believe that I will be pretty much back on track because what I may need is time.

sectionals today was I don't know what to say, lol.
It wasn't exactly interesting until later part of the day where mr chua played the cello with me, lolllllll.
Play with me leh! HAHAHAHA

I sucked badly though hahahaha.
I mean, we were playing the 2part practice song that he gave me as hw for lessons because i just can't seem to play triplets well. hahaha
I can't count properly after playing triplets, lol i sucked so badly that the other part was sooooo easy for sight reading and yes I could play that normally because though I suck in cello, I don't suck that much. But I couldn't play it! Lolllll.

And I was feeling so apologetic the whole time for not being able to play well and sight read fast enough that my confidence kept dodging and I played super softly especially for the parts where I was hoping to smoke through.

Interesting and exciting but arghhhhhhhh pressurising! LOL But I like it! LOL

I said to pauline that I'm feeling so hyped from the playing just now and as if mr chua was my drug, LOLL.
And I said to her that after today, I think if I have to choose a partner, I will choose one who can play the cello with me, lollllllllll.
And she said that she can be my life partner! HAHAHAHAH

I have 3 cellos at home now, ahpaul's, botak yuren's and mine! So exciting! CAN PLAY 3PARTS CANON! Can't wait for saturday!
And my house seem to be a warehouse for temporary abandoned cellos, lolllllllll.

I want to share this! LOL
I'm impressed and amazed by myself, lollllll.

i'm dyingggggggggggggggggg.
Illegality is killing me.
WTHHHHHHHHH.
Case law, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Realise how useful Halsbury is, haha.

I think that I've accumulated alot of good karma in my past life to be so fortunate in this life.
Hahahahahaha.
Even though I don't really believe in past life and stuff, I just want to say that sentence hahaha.

Because seriously........I haven't been a very good person these few weeks/months?
My temper has been growing, my patience has been dropping and just everything bad is growing.

I was wanting to just have some time alone for myself. Not having to do anything, to think of anything, to care about others feelings.
And when I saw the two cakes, especially the one with Pauline's name on it, I felt so loved, touched and fortunate.
I don't know how can I describe the feelings I had.

And because of that, I don't know what kind of day should I say I have for my 18th birthday.
I just really really really really want to say thank you.

I have been taking things for granted.
I have been a bad friend.
A horrible person.
I'm sorry.
I hope its not too late for me to find back the old me..

wanling baked an ORANGE cake specially for me!

There's this flu bug going around attacking everybody.
I don't know how, I don't know why, but yes, it found me.
This is not helping when there is so much to do for the camp.
Occasionally, I have the thought to just forget about it, just forget and cancel the camp man.
But yet again, everyone's effort will be wasted. Sheesh.

I found another twin today! LOL
And that is weilin!
As said by the mensa drinks auntie, lol!

After much thinking, I decided to head down to nas today to have a look at like the scores.
Jialat, like if you count weekly, it's just like 8practices away from the concert, haha.
And so far I've only seen the scores for one piece.
Thought only Stacia would be there, but guess what!
Yanying, stacia, vick and huiling were there as well!
Hahaahahah, it sort of felt like a reunion to me!
Like the few main seniors in cello that started my journey in CO were there.

Coincidentally......we were all one batch after one another!
Felt as if I was in sec1 again for that brief moment, apart from the fact that I didn't have to stay in the erhu room and hear them(the orchestra) playing outside, hahaha.

If I didn't go tonight......I would not have met them!
And the opportunity cost for that was that I could have gotten my belt today from Pauline mdm if I went for tkd, haha.
Opportunity cost, wth, so econs.

Bye world! (need to sleep, loll)

Lol, this is ancient man. Hahaha
But guess what, this was what my tkd instructor showed me after seeing my pm, lollllllllllllllllll.

Can't help but to wonder how in the world did I accumulate so much karma to have so many nice people around me that I feel that I suck. Haha.